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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not throw away wedding pictures from my first marriage?

24 replies

MrsHelsBels74 · 14/06/2012 11:53

Having a pre-move clear out & came across my wedding album from my first marriage. Current husband is aware that they exist & hasn't asked me to get rid of them, and I feel loathe to do it even though that part of my life is long behind me.
Is it strange to want to keep them, or reasonable because at the time they were a memento of something so important? I'm not in touch with ex husband so can't ask him if he wants them, but the idea of throwing them out as if they were rubbish makes me very sad.

OP posts:

Alurkatsoftplay · 14/06/2012 11:56

I have mine too...They're in a box somewhere. Current DH wouldn't care/mind. I look so young in them! Why throw them away?

Homebird8 · 14/06/2012 11:57

Hang onto them then. They are part of how you came to be the person you are now. No-one is being hurt by them. Stick 'em in a box and take them with you. They'll probably never come out of the box but getting rid is something you are obviously not ready to do and that's fine. YANBU.

fruitysummer · 14/06/2012 11:57

If your DH is aware and has not asked you to get rid of them, I'd just box them up, and put them with the rest of the junk you can't part with. It can all sit together in the loft gathering dust.

WowOoo · 14/06/2012 11:57

Not strange at all. it's part of your history.

I think I'd hold on to mine.

I have kept photographs of a previous long term relationship. Mostly because I am in an exotic location though and it would be throwing away precious memories. Dh is fine with this and he knows they are packed away and that I never look at them. He has some also.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 14/06/2012 12:01

If it were me, I probably wouldn't throw it out. It's a part of your history. There is a difference between having a vast inventory of stuff and hanging on to the one album. I have to say the older I get I am much more tolerant of this sort of thing than I would have been in my 20s though.

Your kids might be curious one day as well - it might be a way to talk to them about it. I realise people may have different views on this though.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 14/06/2012 12:02

YANBU. I still have some of mine somewhere, and yesterday I found some cards from an ex. They're part of my history.

keepthechangeyoufilthyanimal · 14/06/2012 12:06

Keep them - they are a part of your life, they are memories.
My mum was married before my dad and burnt all the pictures when they divorced.
It would be weird, but I would have loved to see them when she was that age, see another wedding style etc. your DC may be curious to see them one day.

AnnoyingOrange · 14/06/2012 12:07

I chucked a lot of stuff from a past relationship when I moved house with my newish dh. Not just photos, but stuff his parents has given us as well.

It seemed a good time to put the past behind me and I didn't want it in the new home I had bought with my new husband

starfishmummy · 14/06/2012 12:08

Like others have said it is part of your history; and if you have dc from that marriage, well its part of theirs too.

Oppsididitagain · 14/06/2012 12:13

i wouldnt get rid of them even if current dh asked me to, it is a fact of life that people have historys if dealing with anything to do with it is an issue then dont date anybody with an ex, obviously i wouldnt display any apart from in the childrens rooms but having them in a loft shouldnt be an issue for any reasonable person

YANBU

CwtchesAndCuddles · 14/06/2012 12:17

I got rid of mine, it was a record of my past that had no place in my future.

Not something I would ever get out to look at so no point in keeping.

RealityIsNOTWarren · 14/06/2012 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3duracellbunnies · 14/06/2012 12:22

If you have dc from that marriage then def keep them, as important for them to know that you were once happy with your ex. Otherwise I see no problem in keepinng them, I guess you need to think would you ask dh to get rid of photos of a long term girlfriend he had had, if yes then maybe you should do the same, if you wouldn't mind and he doesn't just box up and put in new loft.

squoosh · 14/06/2012 12:22

It's not like you have a photo of the two of you in a shiny, silver frame by your bedside.

Rich tapestry of our lives and all that.

NeverFearWonderWomanIsHere · 14/06/2012 12:23

Not at all unreasonable. My mum and dad are divorced and my mum is with someone else, I have their wedding album now but my dad kept it for years. DH wasn't married before me but he did have DSD with his ex and they were together for 6 years. I don't have a problem with him having pictures of him and his ex together, it's nice for DSD to look back and see her mum and dad together.

southlundon · 14/06/2012 12:30

I'm a 2nd wife to my DH and he still has some photos from his first wedding (just one album of snaps, rather than a fully professional set).

It didn't upset me the first time I saw them, but it was a bit weird. But it is 100% part of his history (I've never been married before) so I hope he'd never feel like he would have to throw them out on account of my feelings.

I should say though, in all honesty, if he did get rid of them I would certainly be happy about it!

Your DH is fine with it so I wouldn't even worry. Hang on to them and have a laugh at the bridesmaids dresses :)

Whatmeworry · 14/06/2012 12:33

Its a part of your past, hang on to them.

Pandemoniaa · 14/06/2012 12:34

You can't and shouldn't want to rewrite history. It isn't weird to keep these pictures and if your current DH is happy (I'd be slightly bothered if he wasn't!) then just box them up and store them.

Sandalwood · 14/06/2012 12:39

yanbu
I wouldn't have them framed and on display like. But having the album is fine.

Lambzig · 14/06/2012 12:40

I gave mine to my Dad to look after for me, so he has them and they arent thrown away, but they aren't in my house with DH.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/06/2012 12:44

If you have children from that marriage then you owe it to them to keep the pictures. They deserve to know they were borne out of something good.

I am married and notwith the father of my dc, but I will not cut that part of my life away as if it didn't exist, because it gave me something wonderful. My dc are very settled and happy with our situation, but they like hearing stories of things their lovely Dad and I did together, and I think the pictures of us together from a long time ago should be kept for them. It helps them know where they came from and how they fit into their lives.

TrudiRed · 14/06/2012 13:22

I've still got mine in the loft. I can't seem to throw them away even though I have no links with that part of my life now and dh is fully aware of it. My dc's aren't yet though and dh would like to keep it that way - not a secret as such just no need to mention it unless it comes up for some reason. If I had had children in that marriage I would definitely have wanted them to see the pics.

zlist · 14/06/2012 15:37

I took all of mine out the the album and scanned them. Taking them out meant ruining the album but I was ok with that. I didn't want to never be able to look back at the pictures though.

pantylace · 14/06/2012 15:46

As most people have responded, they are part of your history.

My DP has a wedding video from his first marriage which he's arrange to get back from his mum because there are some relatives in it who have now passed but he would have liked to introduce to me. That video is the closest he can get to doing that.

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