AIBU to be very frustrated by my mum and sister's attitude to my weight?

[irishchic]

I have always been slender, for the last 10 years my weight has been around 9 and a half to ten stone, and i am 5ft9inches.

In the last 6 months I have taken up walking, started drinking more water, and cut out alcohol during the week days. I have also cut down somewhat on sugar, as i now eat porridge for breakfast and not sugary cereals.

I feel great. My skin is clear, I have tons of energy and feel fitter and stronger. I have a very busy life with 5 young kids and am on the move all day so probably have a pretty high metabolism.

But my weight has also dropped to 9stone, (prob as a result of cutting down on alcohol and sugar) and so I now look very thin, and my face looks very gaunt. I didnt set out to lose weight, but at the same time, I dont want to go back to my old habits, as I felt very sluggish and unfit before. I do eat healthily, big breakfast, sandwich at lunch, and red meat, white meat or fish for dinner along with loads of salad, greens and fruit, and still have my bit of chocolate every night too, and often a scone as a snack in the afternoon if i fancy it.

The problem is my family, particularly my mum and older sister keep on at me about how I have gotten too thin, and they are very worried about me, my sister has even asked me if I might be anorexic or bulimic. I do appreciate their concern, but it is very frustrating constantly having to reassure them that I am not trying to lose weight, or that i have not got an eating disorder. I am a 42 year old woman with a young family, i have no interest in starving myself, i need to eat well and regularily in order to do what I do every day, and find it a bit almost insulting that I would put dieting before my health and family.

I accept that i am underweight, but i do not want to stop exercising and start drinking 2 glasses of wine per night and eating lots of sugary food just in order to put on half a stone and reassure my family. I dont know what to do. It has got to the stage I am avoiding visiting them lately as I feel they are watching what i am eating all the time, and i feel really pressurised by their worry as they have convinced themselves that i am starving myself. Its really upsetting me as I hate to be the source of their worry, yet I know that their worry is unfounded.

Every time I go see my mum she as to say something. She doesn't think I'm eating. I'm only 5ft and 7stone but in no way am I super slim. She makes me eat whenever I go see her.

I'm 21 with a 2 year old by the way.

I also don't visit often as something is always said.

Its really frustrating isnt it? if i didnt love them so much I would be tempted to tell them to mind their own business, but i know they are only concerned. I have NO idea how to convince them that I am not anorexic, and i guess I feel that i shouldnt have to anyway.

In the last month you have dropped a stone, stopped eating sugar and stopped drinking, you say yourself that you are gaunt and underweight. Of course they will worry. They care. They aren't saying you are a bad mother, but they are worried.

Sorry 6 months, not month.

Bloodyfamilies - I havent stopped eating sugar or drinking alcohol. I eat chocolate every day, a bar of cadburys, and I only drink at weekends fri sat and sun night, that is not cutting it out at all. And a stone over 6 months is hardly overnight weight loss, it has been gradual.

I know they are worried, but refusing to believe me when I try to reassure them that i am not anorexic, (and in fact eat more than a lot of my friends who are on a constant diet) is becoming increasingly stressful for me to the point I am beginning to dread seeing them.

There's not much you can do really except keep telling them that you're fine

I guess you are right Worra, maybe the message will sink in eventually.

Anyway, I am going on holiday soon for 10days to tenerife and expect to eat a lot and do very little, so will probably come home a few pounds heavier, which will hopefully reassure them!

If YOU are happy and healthy I would say YANBU. If you feel too thin then how about working out in a way designed to build muscle and tone (heavy weightlifting for example)?

Speaking as somebody who is anorexic I know how annoying the constant comments can be - and seeing as you actually aren't it must be doubly annoying!

Manic - I dont feel too thin actually but my face does look gaunt, i am just one of these people who when i do lose weight it comes off my face and boobs first, sadly.

You must find it hard with all the constant scrutiny and comments about your condition. I do hope that you have help and support though, must be very tough for you.

How old is your mum, I don't actually expect an answer, but if she's 50's/60's/70's she may well have been influenced by shortage of food, either directly or via her parents. She may genuinely think that you are starving because you're not overweight, like my MIL. If so, she'll still worry whatever you say- but that's her issue, not your's.

Just kep doing what your are doing and try to ignore.

If you feel healthy, strong, energetic and eating enough not to feel hungry then you are probably a healthy weight for body type. We're all different, another person of the same height may be healthiest and feel their best at 13 stone, there is no one weight or size that suits all. Bmi is bullshit, it is an average and doesn't take into account bone structure, muscle mass etc.. ideal weight varies quite a bit.

Don't stuff yourself with junk to fit in with other peoples warped views of how you should look. How you feel is most important. Most people are too fat as a result of eating junk and sitting in front of the tv and think everybody slimmer is too skinny because fat is the norm. Next time they comment on your weight just tell them to stop with their nonsense, that you will hear no more of it, look pissed and change the topic. Repeat until they learn some manners.

I'm all for telling people who have unhealthy and potentially dangerous habits that they should take care of themselves but you are taking care, your just a bit skinnier than average.

Welcome to the world that lifelong skinniest have always inhabited. Slim people get comments about their appearance in a way that fat people just don't.

Nobody would mention weight to a fat person to whom they had just been introduced, but this happens all the time when you are slim. People comment on your food choices, the exercise hobbies you have, the clothes you wear. It is relentless and symptomatic of how we have normalised obesity.

Simply ignore any remarks made by your family. I mean ignore - do not respond in any way and eventually they will give up. Let's face it, you are an adult - even if you were anorexic (the favourite adjective applied to anyone of normal size these days), what exactly are they going to do about it?

carabos, you live in dream land if you feel that no one makes comments about fat people and what they eat. as for clothes, everything is designed to look good on thin people, not fat ones. so unless you look 'ill', you look good in your clothes and appear to be society's ideal. do people shout at you in the street? i doubt it.

creighton people do shout at me in the street as I imagine they do to anyone publicly exercising - running in my case.

My point was that I regularly have people comment on my looks and weight upon being introduced, usually other women, usually derogatory and usually involving the word "anorexic". I am 5ft 4 and a size 8, so not appearing anorexic by any stretch of the imagination.

I would be surprised to hear that someone commented on a fat person's appearance in exactly those circumstances, but certainly wouldn't deny your experience. I have a fat friend and she has said this never happens to her (she's another one who mentions my size every time she sees me, as if surprised ).

Thanks Bobbledunk - I think i will do that actually. They are treating me like a child really, and its driving me mad. If i was anorexic i dont see how i could have gotten pregnant with and delivered 5 healthy babies who were all between 9lbs and 11lbs, (no gestational diabetes) anyway.

Carabos - Its very annoying. I am not looking for any sympathy here btw as I think overweight people overall have it a lot harder than the skinnier ones amongst us, but i guess i would like some advice or suggestions as to how to reassure mum and sis, and get them off my back really!

irish take the emotion out of it, sit them down and give them some proper facts and figures about weight - the US recommendation is that you allow 100lbs for the first five feet and an additional 5 lbs per inch after that for an ideal weight. In the UK we allow an extra 10lb per inch. Less than these ideals does not mean you are unhealthy, especially if you have always been slim.

Suffering from a serious food poisoning some years ago, my weight dropped to seven stone. I was worried about that, but my consultant told me that he wouldn't take action unless I got to 6 st at 5 ft 4. So you would need to be a lot thinner before you could be considered unhealthy.

It's better (for all sorts of reasons) to be a bit too thin rather than a bit too fat.

But seriously, don't feed their need - ignore.

you may want to add some healthy fats to your diet , regardless of them! this will assist gaunt issue

then sit there eating cheese and glugging olive oil when you see them

You're just going to have to wait until it's worked through their systems tbh. Weight is so emotive. Are they also slim or more average/bigger? Have you achieved weightless by accident which they haven't managed to achieve on purpose? Would it be worth telling them your bmi Which is, from the figures you've given, just in healthy (I make you 18.6 and underweight starts from 18.5).

Do you want to gain any? If so I'd suggest added advocados, nuts, seeds, full fat milk and a bit of cheese to your diet. Maybe make sure you have a portion of carbs and protein with every meal.

I can see this is fustrating for you. Hopefully they'll get bored and move on.

yes, pineapple I wouldnt mind gaining the half stone back so will try that thanks.

Carabos, if they keep on at me I will have to have stern words with them, hopefully it wont come to that.

porcamiseria - might try that!

If you yourself want to gain a bit if weight (not cos of interfering family!) which it sounds like you do then you can do it in a way that is healthy and nourishing, it doesnt need to be from wine! Do you have enough fat in your diet? It is essential. Try drinking glasses of milk, snacking on nuts and cheese.

It is very annoying when people 'cluck' over your weight.

I am not skinny by any stretch of the imagination - I am 5'4" and about 62kg - but I have posted on here before about my colleague who keeps going on about how I don't eat. Don't know how she'd know, tbh! She was at it yesterday, telling me in front of a meeting full of people that I was 'wasting away'

When I posted about that, people kept saying 'Take it as a compliment' but tbh I feel like saying 'Mind your own business!'. You might take up some exercise that adds muscle tone, though? Maybe pilates or yoga?