Am I being stupid to get my hopes up????

[fruitysummer]

DH's DD has not been in touch for some time and generally ignores any texts/calls/contact attempts from him.

She didn't acknowledge his birthday this year, the first time ever.

I'm really hoping with all the adverts on that she might just remember to acknowledge father's day.
Just a text to say hi, happy father's day dad, love you would be fantastic. A card would be wonderful but unrealistic I think.

Am I being daft? It would make his day literally and would mean the world to him. He's not expecting anything

Would you be able to call her directly and ask if she is doing anything?

Can you send a text to remind her it's father's day?

I've text DSD covertly for a number of years to remind her to send a card for birthday/fathers day. She's 21 now and still needs reminding. I feel bad but DH not getting a card (which was happening before I started texting) was soul destroying.

It's not your responsibility to ensure his dd remembers she has a dad.

I have thought of that, but I've never text her before personally.

I'm not sure a random text from her stepmum to remind her about Father's day would go down to well with her own mother?

She's 13.

Magneto I know that, but unfortunately her own mother is trying to airbrush him (and his family) out of her life it would seem.

why would she bother if she never sees him?

Becuase he's her dad caerlaverock?

The only one she has and it would show she still at least thinks about him even if she can't be bothered to see him?

I can't see why she would bother if it has been a while, She is ignoring his calls for a reason. I would leave it to your husband to sort out with his daughter or if it does upset your husband (and i am sure it does) talk to him about it and see if he can somehow get in contact with her, Maybe take her out?

Im sorry i don't know the background, just some thoughts of mine which may help.

No I don't think she will bother either, and it's me getting my hopes up (on his behalf) not my DH as I think it would be nice!

He's not expecting anything, he just keeps trying to stay in touch and letting her know he is still there when and if she needs him.

And if there is a reason, we'd love to know it! We initiallly thought it might just be her age and hormones etc but surely even moody teenagers take up offers of days/meals out???

I would say he probably shouldnt get his hopes up.

When did he last see her?

Ha when I read your op, you could quite easily have been my step-mum! Although I'm sure you're not as I am not 13 and I'm not sure she would be on MN anyway! unless you are, in which case f off!

Sorry I have no advise except this, there may be a reason why she doesn't want contact, something that has happened, or maybe something on the part of the mother? Daughters don't generally push their dads out for no reason. I know my dad was my hero until last year, which I won't go into. Perhaps you could try calling and have a rational, friendly and grown up conversation.

No-one can really go into great detail as far as advice is concerned, as we will never know, nor should we, the full story behind this!

xDivAx Non of my business I know and I don't want details, but is your dad aware of the reason you no longer want to see him?

We presume there is a reason but we don't know. One minute she was fine the next she wasn't. And if there is a reason we'd like to know so we take steps to rectify it if needs be.

If it's her mum being a bitch, which we can't say either way but I personally do lean in that direction there is nothing we can do.

He has tried calling, as have his parents and other family members. They are getting the same response as us - or lack of response as the case happens to be.

fruitysummer Yes my dad is aware, but it's not like I just cut off from him. Our relationship had been slowly declining anyway due to some of his actions, but the final straw or straws I suppose happened after I had my first child last year. I have tried countless times to discuss things with him but he is rather immature and as soon as he hears something he doesn't like he would put the phone down or shut off if we were face to face. He just won't admit to the things he has done let alone take responsibility for them. So I just cut contact and haven't spoke to him for months now.

I'm afraid that, from reading this you'll probably gather that my situation is different to yours! Like I said before though, dads are usually everything to their daughters (most of the time, and before anyone says anything, I know different families have different situations, but I am risking a generalisation here)!

I used to forgive my dad for everything regardless, especially when I was young, because he was my dad and I loved him. So for a 13 yr old to just stop contact is strange. If there is no reason that you are aware of then I suspect outside influence.

If you have tried all you can to find out the reasons behind it and you are still not getting any answers then I think getting your hopes up will just set you up for disappointment. I'm not saying give up on her though as if it is an outside influence she will soon wise up to it and want her dad back. In the mean time just be patient and hope she comes around, as hard and as upsetting as it may be for your DH and you.

HTH and sorry for the long post!

Thanks Diva and I'm sorry your dad is an idiot.

We'll just carry on as we are and hope she comes round sooner rather than later.