to have mentioned something that upset me...

[anotherpicnicbasket]

.... Firstly, so the picture is clear, My MIL has been great, over the past few months I've been quite unwell and she's taken my young DC several times (overnight stays) to let me rest. I've just had a baby (days old) and recovering from op. ILs arrived earlier, DH had already asked them not to mention bottles (as they always do) and to leave me to bf when necessary etc.. FIL came out with something that really, really upset me, my reaction was OTT - I admit that (I took deep offense, left the room and bit DH's head off when he asked much later why I was still upstairs). DH mentioned it to MIL who mentioned it to FIL who walked out the door and will not return. This leaves MIL in tears, DH furious, lots of shouting and arguing, me in tears, MIL shouting at me while I sit there trying to bf. I shouldn't have said anything, I feel so stupid now, I've cocked everything up. MIL doesn't really want to be here but feels bound as the DC need her, I'm barely up and running. I don't want anyone here at all now.
I feel emotionally wrecked!
I told everyone to f* off including DH. Got a lot of 'look at all we do for you' to which i replied 'i know and i appreciate it' I honestly do, but it all came out and everyone is really upset during what should have been a lovely evening.
We are having a party for LO tomorrow, mainly to give siblings presents as i've been so sick for months and they've been wonderful kids.
Sorry if I've rambled on too much.
Bf not easy when you keep bursting into bloody tears.

It's my fault, and I should apologise right?

Good bogey says night night.

Evil Bogey says fart into MILS bedroom on your way up and accidentally wake up your DH!

Not with the fart that is! Unless you are really good :o

OP, YANBU at all. Why the heck should you have to put up with someone upsetting you in your own home, when you've just given birth? And then have it turned round on to you as if it's your fault.

Bogeyface I love the term 'glory helper'. My mum is a bit like that sometimes

"look at all we do for you" is not carte blanche to say what they like and have pissy tantrums when you don't like it. They should be doing it for the sake of you and your children, not to give themselves extra "rights" over you.

Your FIL sounds too pigheaded for words - your DH really shouldn't have gone down and said anything to MIL, but since he did (he was probably trying to stop FIL saying stuff again, yes?) and since MIL said something to FIL (probably for the same reason, yes?) then really the only one who is behaving extremely badly in this situation is your FIL - a) for upsetting you in the first place while you are in an extremely vulnerable state and b) for having a pissy tantrum and walking out! I mean, how old is he, FGS?! If he has just sucked it up and apologised to you for being so fecking thoughtless, NONE of the rest of this would have happened.

So no, YANBU, your FIL is and everyone else has been upset by his reaction and is taking it out on you because you are still there and he has fecked off.

Obviously you can't say any of this to your MIL - she will be duty-bound to take FIL's side by the sound of it - so in the morning just act as though it never happened (if you can) and be your normal self and if she has any sense she will take her cue from you and do the same. You've already apologised to her - now leave it alone and move on.

Hope you get some sleep!

What I dont get is why the FIL keeps bringing up something that he knows is off limits? The OP said he does it regularly, so its almost as if he has been trying to provoke this reaction from the OP.

Or am I overthinking this?

So - FIL brought up something he KNEW would upset you, and you just left the room. Then when he was told you were upset (which he had caused) HE gets the hump and storms out.

He owes everyone a fucking huge apology and should learn from this, but I doubt he will.

MIL sounds caught in the middle & trying to help but not necessarily making a good job of it.

DH sounds tired & stressed. tbh, if my dh was staying in the bedroom and had upset me, I prob would go and talk to my mother, if she was downstairs, and I think what he did was pretty understandable. I would not expect my father to walk out in a strop as a result of talking to my mother about my feelings when I'm tired.

I think you just removing yourself & then telling your dh why you're upset sounds totally normal. Other people just can't get away with ignoring your feelings, then expect to get away with it. They should be pulled up about it.

Add to that that you've JUST had a baby and been ill etc!

So, getting upset & swearing not good, but understandable & forgivable. This while episode is FIL fault - he should learn to a)respect your wishes, particularly in your house, and b) apologize when he's in the wrong, not act all upset and stupid about it.

I think you should apologize for the swearing (to dh & MIL) then chat to MIL, and tell her that this issue is NOT to be discussed in your house. IF FIL can't control the words that come out of his mouth, then he isn't welcome.

Seriously, what kind of a wanker just chatters on about crap that they know upsets people, then says it isn't their fault?

Oh, and congratulations on your new baby - lie back & bask in the glory that mn says you are NOT being unreasonable.

I'm with kickassangel. This is ALL on FIL and tbh t kinda sounds like he knows how to manipulate the situation to get what he wants, and what he wants is YOUR silence while he is obviously being a bully. I mean obviously your OH and MIL believe YOU were in the wrong just for being upset n your own home days after you'd given birth. That's just..Not normal and I'm amazed you've kept your cool (good on you!)

I would be demanding an apology.

I don't understand at all what you apologized for.

I don't understand why your FIL hasn't apologised.

Perhaps you went OTT to dh, but your baby is days old, so actually you were pretty restrained by not hacking him to pieces with a meat cleaver

He should apologise for running to his mum, she should have known better than to then run to FIL, FIL shouldn't have been so bloody childish that he ran off in a strop, upsetting your MIL.

Seems to me that everyone should really be apologizing to you.

Thank you
Kickassangel - you're right.
Things seem better this morning even on 3 hours broken sleep. FIL is being a child, can see that now, probably the excuse he was looking for to escape