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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please provide me with a rational response because I'm all out.

28 replies

BibiBelle · 12/06/2012 23:51

DD (6yrs) went on a school trip today, I couldn't go because there were no facilities to take younger siblings. No problem, she's a happy wee soul who and I wasn't worried about not going with them.

I got a text message from one of the mother's on the trip stating that DD has knocked out one of her classmates front teeth Shock That this was hilarious and not to worry about it because of who it was (he a notorious pest)

Needless to say I was saddened and upset at the thought that something had either happened to make her feel the need to hit this wee boy OR that she had indeed just decided to hit him on the face.

DD is sturdy and doesn't realise her own strength sometimes however she is not violent in the slightest and this would be very out of character for her.

Nothing I could do until 3pm when I arrived at the school to collect her. DH and I take bullying/violence very seriously and I wanted to confirm with the teacher on the trip what had happened so we could take appropriate action if necessary.

Teacher knew nothing about it. She knew that the boy had lost his tooth but there had been no complaint regards being struck etc. She called over DD and asked her what had happened and after speaking to DD was happy enough that she had not been involved in any way and that the boy's wobbly tooth had come out. She informed me that was the end of it as far as she was concerned and not to make a big deal of anything.

DD has a sports class straight after school so we went along. The text sending mother was there and standing in front of myself and another mother telling us all about the trip and how hysterical it was that DD had punched the wee lad in the face causing him to loose his tooth. That this was ok because he was a wee 'shite' and had it been any other child it might not have been so funny Shock

I decided to say nothing as I hadn't had a chance to speak to DD. I am not known for having a rational manner and my short fuse/temper has landed me in trouble before. I wanted to speak to DH about is (he is considerably more rational than me) before I said anything. He sent a text to the mum this evening asking what she had seen exactly at which point she stated nothing definate, she had presumed DD was involved because she was standing in the boy's company and she maybe shouldn't had mentioned it to me but she thought it was funny due to it being that particular boy being involved.

Another message stating the same thing in a different way arrived soon after. We haven't replied/spoken to her about it again yet as I am stuck as to what to say.

Her middle daughter is best friends with our eldest DD and her son is in DD2's class which was the class on the trip today. She is a SAHM who is constantly at the school gates and knows everyone/everything. None of this bothers me at all however I'm not happy that my DD2 being is branded for hitting someone when she didn't and if it's being told as a witty anecdote in my presence then it's likely to be passed on.

A little help from the MN jury please and apologies for the LOOOONNNNG post Blush

OP posts:
scuzy · 12/06/2012 23:56

i would reply just thought you'd like to know dd had nothing to do with this, his tooth simply fell out. please get your facts right before branding my dd a thug.

i wouldnt assocaite with her ... not only over this but at the fact she thought it was hilarious. though if you do this be prepared for her to gossip about it.

i would be fuming if someone was going around saying ds did something like this if he didnt.

Cathycomehome · 13/06/2012 00:02

What scuzy said. I don't think yabu.

Original poster
BibiBelle · 13/06/2012 00:03

I've been trying to distance myself from her this year and have managed. It is difficult however when our older DD's are best friends. I'm forever getting texts demanding to know when I'll have her down for a play etc etc. The fact that we both work makes it difficult but we do try our best to be fair to all our kids/their friends.

I'm at a loss as to how to deal with this woman anymore. Today I fear was a final straw. DH is furious but I'm about beaten.

OP posts:
Forwardscatter · 13/06/2012 00:09

I showed your first text to the school, I was so worried! But they confirmed that DD had absolutely nothing to do with it. They mentioned that they might want a quick word with you. Have they been in touch?
Wink

CrispyCod · 13/06/2012 00:13

Good one Forward

Original poster
BibiBelle · 13/06/2012 00:15

Ooooooh like it! Our lack of response to her two texts this evening will already have her on edge. I think that might just tip her over.

My heart is broken for DD though, she is already having a hard time due to her determination to be a boy, wear boys clothing and be treated like the rest of the boys. The last thing she needs is for people to think that she's a violent bully Sad She's the furthest thing for it and is too soft for her own good.

OP posts:
drugofthenation · 13/06/2012 00:21

Don't text her anything. Call her and discuss it. Explain your DD had nothing to do with this, as per the teacher. Do it in a nice, light tone of voice. Ask her who else she has told, as you're worried about it getting back to the boy's parents (this should have a chilling effect on her passing the story on).

And keep being nice while trying to avoid her! Sounds a sensible policy.

drugofthenation · 13/06/2012 00:23

And I'm quite sure that part of her agenda is to brand your DD a tomboy/heavy. 'Watch out for Bibibelle's DD, she'll knock your teeth out." Nice woman.

MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 13/06/2012 00:29

no offence but there is no way i would have stood in silence while she regaled the playground with false stories of my child being a bully. You and your DH seem to be pussyfooting around this woman for some reasons. if ye can't stand up for yourselves, at least stand up for your daughter.

mynewpassion · 13/06/2012 04:01

Why don't you just bluntly say:

Spoke to the teacher about the situation. Boy's tooth was loose and it fell out by itself. My DD was not involve so I would appreciate you stop saying she was.

Sparklingbrook · 13/06/2012 06:29

What a nightmare. If I had had received that text I would have been in bits with worry the whole day. What a horrible, horrible woman. She sounds just the sort who shouldn't be helping on a school trip. Sad

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 13/06/2012 08:17

You must do something - just think if the little boy's mother gets wind of it. It would be horrible for her, thinking her child has been thumped so hard his tooth fell out, and worrying over what to do about it, having to go to the school and everything. It was nasty of this woman to make out it would have been ok for him to be hit because of who he is, and to call him names publicly too - I presume he's 6 too! She's not "normal" if she thinks this is an ok thing to do Confused
I would be fuming with her and would probably have showed myself right up in the playground when I had it out with her as soon as I saw her Blush but you do seem to be a much nicer calmer person than me Grin Don't just let it go though - for the day, on the trip, she was in a position of authority over the children. What if this little boy had an accident/needed help and she chose not to offer it because she "thinks he's a wee shite" Shock That's not on!

DeckSwabber · 13/06/2012 08:33

I wonder what the mother of the toothless boy would react to knowing that her child having his teeth knocked out was a matter of amusement? Shock

scrablet · 13/06/2012 10:15

I would think the teacher might consider having a word with this mother too. And if they dont, maybe you could ask them to put the mum straight about the tooth as she is spreading the story around the school. And then avoid as much as possible. What a strange woman...

hackmum · 13/06/2012 10:22

I like Forward's suggestion the best.

Original poster
BibiBelle · 13/06/2012 20:47

Mordecia I didn't say anything at the time because I wanted to have a private rational conversation with DD away from school/sports class. I also didn't want to make a scene infront of all the other parents. I regret it now but hey, for once I was trying to be cool calm and collected.

DH & I weren't at the school drop off/pick up due to work commitments so I sent a very polite but firm text. Fingers crossed that this should be the end of it although I have a feeling it might not be Sad

OP posts:
JustFab · 13/06/2012 20:57

I thought Forward as the gossiping mum Blush.

Original poster
BibiBelle · 14/06/2012 13:09

Lol I thought that too when I first read it Justfab Grin

OP posts:
JustFab · 14/06/2012 13:16

Has there been any developments?

Original poster
BibiBelle · 15/06/2012 16:51

Yes she's apologised in an exceptionally dismissive manner and I've basically been told that's the end of it. Fingers crossed it is as I really can't be bothered with playgroud politics involving grown ups

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 17/06/2012 19:01

Just because she has told you something doesn't make it so. She isn't the boss of you and you do what you need to do to keep your children's reputation good and ignore the mad woman.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 17/06/2012 19:24

She sounds like a piece of work - not a person who has sensitivity to children at all - your DD or the other boy. Nasty gossip.

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2012 19:28

You should have shown the text to the School.

I'm really surprised she was allowed to use a mobile phone at all on a trip when she should have been supervising children.

She would never be invited on a school trip again if that was my DS's school.

Original poster
BibiBelle · 20/06/2012 23:37

I had a meeting today with the head and the deputy head. they'd already been appraised regards the incident by the teacher and are unfortunately already very aware of this mother.

In the new term after summer there are to be some new implications regarding parent's who volunteer on school trips. Confidentiality clauses etc etc

Am rather pleased although he was keen to stress that it is not just as a result of this incident but something he was considering imposing already.

Either way as long as it happens and as long as they're aware she's high maintence and it's not just me being a paranoid over protective tiger mum.

Roll on Fri when the class lists come out for next year, with any luck my two will miss being in her kids' classes even just for a year.

OP posts:
ComposHat · 21/06/2012 02:40

The mum sounds like a right shite stirrer, especially the way she backtracked from the original account.

Mind you this rumour may do your daughter no harm, if she known as the 'kid who punched the horrible boy so hard he lost a tooth' the bullies will fear her and not think about trying anything.