Neighbours/hedge issue, AIBU?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

Our house has hedges at both sides of the front garden. Both hedges were there when we moved in. My DH, who is very laid back and likes to keep the peace, kept both hedges in good order and although one side happily trimmed their side of it, last summer the other side demanded that he did their side of their hedge as apparently the hedges both belong to our house as the previous owners put them there.

DH did the trimming for them twice, but it's a massive hedge that required a lot of work and it took him quite a long time, including all the clearing up and taking the cuttings to the tip. He has now decided to put fences along both sides of the garden as we don't like the hedges and they are too much work. One side has okayed the fence, but the other side, which has demanded the trimming, has said no, they like the hedge. The woman then said in the next breath 'when are you going to trim it this summer, it's looking overgrown?'.

So not only are the neighbours being difficult about wanting to keep something there that we don't want, they are expecting us to maintain it for them! I've told DH 'no way' and that he is not a gardener and if they want to keep it then they should maintain their side. I'm not quite sure where we stand with the law but I am pretty sure that it is our boundary that side so we can remove it if we wish, but they are very volatile people, so we probably wouldn't put up a fence without their say-so as it just wouldn't be worth the fall-out. They have fallen out with their neighbours on their other side for some reason connected with their back fencing.

I really don't know what to do. I think we need to put our foot down about the free gardening service and say that it is either a fence or they sort their side themselves. I can't think that it would be a privacy issue btw as the fence would be slightly higher than the current hedge.

AIBU to think they're being cheeky?

If it is ur hedge as they say, rip it out. If its not then make them maintain it.

Get it striaght from them as to their plans. Ask them are they maintaining it, when they say no its ur hedge, leave and remove it at ur leisure. Preferably when they are out/on hols.

Re the height if u google it or ring ur local council they will give u the height allowed. I remember with a neighbour their hedge, not fence had to be less than a certain height in relation to distance from house.

Alternatively tear the hedge out, put up no fency and completely run riot in ur garden, soon they will want a fence.

YANBU at all! They just want a free gardener

If it's your hedge, you can do what you like with it, surely?

They can't have it both ways. If it's your hedge and they expect you to maintain their side of it, it is also your hedge to do with what you like. If you remove it and put up a fence, there is bugger all they can do about it.

Thanks everyone. I think the main issue is the fact that they will kick off about it. Mind you, they would also kick off I'm sure if DH said he wasn't going to trim their hedge this year. We've been on the receiving end before of their anger and it wasn't pleasant, and to be honest although I don't care what they think of us, I really don't want to have to deal with the agro and bad atmosphere as our children are at school together and are all friends.

It's ridiculous as we walk on eggshells a bit at times with them. They do things like put their bins out across our driveway so that we can't reverse the cars out without moving their bins, as they don't want them on their driveway, and other things like that.

Sounds like nightmare neighbours - looks like this needs to come to a head at some point anyway, hedge or no hedge!

I'm sort of hoping to avoid it coming to a head as it was just a nightmare before. The woman went off on one about something very minor and said some horrible things to us both.

They're ctaking the p*ss. At least if you fall out w them over the hedge, you can sort out all the other rubbish, too...

Well, you need to establish who the hedge belongs to. Then, you can either do the right thing and stand up for yourselves and accept the aggro, or you can bend over backwards to please them in the hope that it will only delay the aggro to the next thing.

they sound like nightmares.

i think i would leave the hedge but not trim their side and not say anything. then when they complain say 'unfortunately dh doesn't have time to do this anymore. that's why we want a fence.'

then leave it for a bit more. i bet they soon decide that maybe a fence IS the way to go.

I can't believe you went and trimmed their side of the hedge for them - twice!! No wonder they think they can take the piss as much as they want. If you want a fence, put up a fence - it's your hedge to remove and your boundary to decide about a fence. If you keep the hedge, tell them it's their job to maintain their side and there is no effing way you will be doing it for them.

They sound like bullies who are used to getting their own way. I am frankly astonished at the cheek of some people - who in their right mind would think that you should trim their side of the hedge?

You have been very reasonable, and if you are willing to leave the hedge in place because of their objections, you need to tell them that's the only reason it's staying, and you won't be trimming THEIR side, but are happy to replace it with a fence. Oh, and of course if you do put up a fence, they are responsible for maintaining their side of it! Cheeky mares! Time to stop walking on eggshells!

Your hedge, your property....so put up a fence. Just the nice side out facing the neighbors, its only courtesy.

And to add, my parents' neighbor trims both sides of the hedge as its his hedge. He put it up, he maintains it. It's only right.

In the nicest possible way, toughen up! I know falling out with your neighbours can be a nightmare but they know they will get away with their piss poor attitude if you don't stand up to them!

Confirm who owns the hedge, if it's you, rip it out and put up your fence and if they want a hedge so damn much, they can plant one on their side of the boundary! for you.

One last thought - in every house I've ever lived in, both sets of neighbours have shared the cost of new fencing because both benefit from a nice new fence, and both have maintained their own sides. Now we (and my parents when I lived with them) may have just had particularly nice neighbours, but that seems only right to me. Doesn't sound like your neighbours would even discuss such an idea, but maybe you should toss it into the conversation for a laugh...

If they like the hedge so much then tell them to get their own!
We replaced hedge with fencing when we first moved in and didn't realise till too late that the hedge would have to come out rather than the fence go alongside it. We followed the boundary line around our property so other than donating a slice of our garden to the neighbour and having a wobbly fence line, we had no option.

You have a straightforward choice to either stand up for yourselves or let them continue to take the piss. If you want a fence, then put up a fence. If you are happy to maintain your side of the hedge then do so. Either way, you ought to stop pandering to these neighbours.

If you don't fall out over this, then you will over something else, further down the line. Best imo to make a stand sooner, rather than later and save yourselves years of additional work that they ought to be doing for themselves.

I think that's a good point, karmabeliever. I do often wonder what they will demand next. Problem is, DH is very easy going and often does things for a quiet life and to avoid a row.

Thanks again all!

Just do your side and let them know you're not going to do their side any more as you want to replace it with a fence, but of course you would not want to remove your hedge if they're in love with it so much if they're not going to be happy with a fence.
If they're saying the hedge is yours, then don't argue - it's often impossible to determine these things 'properly' and arguments over hedge boundaries can cost a fortune!
They actually need your permission to cut the hedge if it's yours, funnily enough.