or should I sever this 'relationship'?

[EXmrsmascarahead]

I am bloody fuming at the moment, the red mist has decended and feel that maybe my judgement is off because of it.

I am self employed, I run displays at agricultural shows. My cousin who is also is the same line of business sends me potential bookings and I also do jobs for him if he can't make the shows.

In January he booked a show knowing that he couldn't do what was required, as he had a prior booking, he asked me to work on his behalf (after he had confirmed the booking with the customer), I said that I could do it but I would be unable to fulfill the customers requirements and that he (as the organiser) needs to contact them and sort it out. 2.5 weeks before the show he dropped the bombshell that he has not phoned and has no intention of phoning. I have spent the past couple of days trying to calm a very very unhappy client and keep the business. Thankfully it is now sorted and I still have the job.

Also in January my DH lent (without my knowledge) a sum of money to this cousin, to help cover some costs that his business had incurred. At the time my cousin promised that the sum would be paid back within 2 months, it wasn't, he needed another month, still no sign of the money. Last month DH insisted that the money has to be paid back, (we are struggling financially) and he was promised that he would have the money by the end of the week, it never materialised, more insitence from DH resulted in my cousin supposedly making a bank transfer, 2 weeks later this money still had not appeared in our account, DH became quite forceful, asking my cousin to put a trace on the money to find out where it is, as supposedly the money has left his account.

There has been no trace put on the money, (even though it has now been missing for 3 weeks) We are told we will have the money by the end of the week but when ever he is asked how this money will be paid to us he skirts the issue and spews a unconvincing sob story.

I have had enough, he doesn't give a shit about anyone other than himself, and is walking all over DH and I, but a part of my thinks he's family (The family is everything has been drilled into me) give him a break.

Aibu to wait until we have our money back and then give it to him with both barrels or is my anger clouding things.

Sorry its so long

Nope. Not at all. It would be very wise.

However, if you get your money back by the end of this week, I'll be very surprised.

Family is not everything. It's really not. It's just an accident of birth. Chance. Genes don't make a family.

I'd be starting proceedings in the small claims court - or letting your cousin think you are - and be "gently threatening" to tell people about the debt if he doesn't pay up sharpish. He's used you and he's a twat. He probably has no intentions of giving you back the money, he'll be counting on "being family" to stop you making too much fuss about it. Just because "family is everything" doesn't mean you have to be a doormat and get treated like shit by this person! If he followed the same doctrine, he would be bending over backwards to sort this out! It works both ways.

Ooooh, I'd be bloody fuming! I would definitely be distancing myself from him at the very least. Doesn't sound like you will be getting your money IMO, and as you have such a low opinion of him, it doesn't sound like you will suffer any great loss by cutting ties.

Your cousin is not planning to repay the money.

Hopefully this is a lesson to your DH to never lend money he expects to see again.

Keep your cousin at a safe distance from now on and do not ever allow him to be in a position of responsibility that involves you.

Dh is like a dog with a bone at the moment, he is harrassing cousin every day and will continue to do so. DH has learnt his lesson and has promised that he will never do it again, maybe me threatening to serve his balls up to him was a deciding factor.

My main concern is my business, my cousin could and probably would try to undermine it, I have only just started it up so I am still on unsteady ground. I do however have access to a marketing manager, who has already given me advice on how to proceed, I just need to build my confidence.

As for my cousin, he has reminded me of what is wrong with my family and why I have spent so many years avoiding the majority of them.

YANBU and this is one of the reasons I will never lend to or borrow from family.