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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To send Dc3 to a different playgroup to avoid helping?

38 replies

AWimbaWay · 12/06/2012 12:34

Or am I just being a bit selfish and lazy?

My two older dcs went to the same playgroup, a parent committee run group in the grounds of the local Primary School.

I was also planning on sending Dc3 there. It is a great playgroup with lovely staff and incredibly convenient. I could drop the older two at school then walk through the playground to drop Dc3 then 5 minute walk home.

My dilemma is as it is parent run we are expected to do an awful lot to help. When Dd2 was there I was in charge of fundraising and events which involved organising fayres, jumble sales, days out, photos etc. I HATE this kind of thing, as I am sure most people do, but did it out of a sense of obligation. They also need parents to do accounts, admissions, policies and procedures, secretarial work, salaries and training for the paid staff, liaising with ofted and the council, the list goes on and on. We are also expected to go in once or twice a term to help in the playgroup itself.

Third time round I really don't want to help Blush, I'm planning on training so I'm in a position to get back to work ASAP. I'm seriously considering on sending Dc3 to a further away council or private run group to avoid any of this.

The group is already low on numbers and although I understand it needs the parent help to run, it also needs the children. So, would I be unreasonable to say I would like my child to attend but am unwilling to be on the committee or would this just make me look like a lazy cow? I know they already have me earmarked for a major role as I already know how things work from my previous experience, or should I just send Dc3 elsewhere?

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 12/06/2012 16:51

Should have asked, but is there a paid manager who is actually in charge of this group, because I think payroll etc would fall under their remit.

AWimbaWay · 12/06/2012 17:05

There's no paid manager, there is a salaried head play leader who's in charge of the day to day running of the group, but most of the formal stuff is down to which ever parent offers to be chair.

It's sad because the group has been running for 40 years, there are parents that went there themselves, it would be a shame to see it close. Things have changed so much though, AdventuresWithVoles post shows why it so hard to make it work now.

I think Karma hit the nail on the head though, "I think the parents who are using the group for their state funded 15 hours, are going to want that time to themselves, rather than using vast amounts of it, ensuring that this 'business' survives. There's nothing really in it for them, because they could get those 15 hours elsewhere and not have to do anything (or much) in return."

I am more than willing to do my rota days and help out at the fund raisers etc, what I don't want is it to turn into an unpaid part time job which is what happened last time. There are about 3 other groups within a 10 minute drive I could use instead and not have to lift a finger.

OP posts:
AWimbaWay · 12/06/2012 18:30

Ishoes I can assure you I have more than pulled my weight in the past.

When Dc2 was there I offered to be the events and fundraiser person's right hand man, I didn't want to the main role as I was 8 months pregnant. No one stepped up for the role so I was left being my own right hand man. Dc3 arrived in the October and I was left dealing with Dc1 having just started reception, Dc2 and a newborn. The day after leaving hospital with dc3 I was on the phone chasing up playgroup uniform orders and I ran a christmas fayre stall with a nine week old strapped to my chest.

I guess if I did do it again it would be a whole lot easier.

OP posts:
lowestpriority · 12/06/2012 18:53

I agree with you OP, and I am a director/secretary on a preschool committee.
I spend sleepless nights worrying about the possibility of being fined or whatever because ,as the secretary, I may have forgotten to send this or that form in to the government on time, etc.
I am not trained for this position, neither are the Treasurer or vice Treasurer, who, atm, are making a right balls up of the cashflow between them. This is due to lack of experience, time and enthusiasm.
As for the Chair; he wants to leave asap and we have not seen hide nor hair of the Vice chair for about 3 months now.
It is a job really even if it is unpaid, and it has always seemed such a complete mess to me as it's incorporated so has to have a committee with at least 5 members in order to be legal.
Parents aren't interested in helping out; most of them just turn up on the doorstep, kiss their child bye and practically shove them through the door. They can't even be bothered to come inside!
It really is a thankless task. I would steer well clear if I were you as, even if you only offer to help occassionally, you will soon get sucked back in as nobody else will offer to help.

accountantsrule · 13/06/2012 10:30

Ishoes - no government funding - not even NEG funding that all 3 year olds are entitled to? Why do they not get this?

accountantsrule · 13/06/2012 10:36

If all parents just helped to organised 1 event/special day each year then there would be more than enough help.

The pre-school I run has over 80 children (so potentially up to 160 parents and lots of grandparents etc) registered but we have a committee of 5 parents and cannot get more it seems as no one is willing to help, not even to help sell raffle tickets at concerts.

Its a thankless task but would be so much easier if more people helped a tiny bit - I would most definitely not suck those people into big roles but would be more than grateful for the help.

We have now built up to a stage where we can afford a paid manager who is out of numbers so a lot of the work I was doing has been passed over but I do agree with lowestpriority it causes many sleepless nights etc!

halcyondays · 13/06/2012 10:42

You have already done your bit with your other two dc. So yanbu to say you won't be on the committee this time. I'm sure there are lots of other parents who haven't helped who don't feel guilty in the slightest.

halcyondays · 13/06/2012 10:44

Why would grandparents be expected to help?

Buntingbunny · 13/06/2012 10:51

Send a letter to the current committee chair saying exactly what you are prepared to do.

If it's like DDs old one they did need mums to do a couple of mornings a term, but fundraising was optional.

Explain you have done lots in the past and are studying this time. Be firm.

I happily do lots of PTFA stuff, but there is one task I refuse to do because its dead boring and I've done it for years. Also the person who organises it nags.

State very firmly it is the new mum's turn.

Katisha · 13/06/2012 10:52

I would say go to one of the others. You have more than done your bit. You are moving on to another stage in your life with the retraining. Priorities change as time goes on - you have to look ahead now to what you want to do next, not to the past glories of this group.

Ishoes · 13/06/2012 10:53

In answer to the question about government funding-our playgroup takes kids from the age of 2 years and 3 months. When they turn 3 they all then go on to nursery and their governement funded place.

The only other money we have had apart from fund raising is a grant from the lottery but that was 4 years ago.

sc2987 · 13/06/2012 10:58

YABU because it doesn't matter how much you've done in the past, it's your third child and the other current users who will suffer now for people not helping enough. If you can't commit to your fair share this time, use different childcare.

Although if you were doing more than your share the last two times, couldn't you at least fit in your official share this time? Maybe you could offer to spend your time badgering all the other parents who don't do anything, so solving the entire problem.

ChitChatFlyingby · 13/06/2012 11:16

AMimbaWay - it is time for the playgoup to become more professionalised otherwise it WILL close.

Our nursery is committee run, but we have a Manager who manages the nursery. We don't 'clean', that is done. We have hired a bookeeper who keeps on top of the accounts, she has taken some of this off the Manager and some of it off the Chair. The bookkeeper prepares everything, but all cheques are signed by committee members, payroll is run by a committee member (1 morning once a month). In terms of staffing, we occasionally lend support of for any reason they are down on staff members, or if they want to hold a staff meeting during the lunch club (less than half the children stay for lunch club).

We hold committee meetings once every half term, with occasional additional topic specific meetings.

The nursery should be run in such a way that the income covers staff and rental cost. 2 1/2 year olds actually earn the nursery a little more than the funded 3 year olds, but we don't lose the funded money if the nursery has to close (eg for snow) but have to refund that session's money to the fee paying students.

Training for employees will usually be paid for via grants by the government.

Fundaising is for the new and replacement equipment. I am in charge of fundaising, but everyone takes part and runs their own events, I just coordinate. As a result I will not do any bookeeping, pay roll, Ofsted liaison etc. This is what I am willing to do and am intersted in and that is my boundary. I will participate in discussions, and offer assistance in other areas but won't run them.

We run 2 or 3 major fundaising events a year which are very intensive. I run the fair, and another mum ran the fashion event, with assistance from other mums but to be honest, it's just easier to get on and make the decisions on your own and then run them past whoever's interested.

The main fundraising decision we have made is to make all the events actually count. On sports day we offer a DIY coffee/tea making service with some biscuits on hand and parents help themselves, leaving money.

At the 2 plays a year we ask parents to make cakes which we then sell with coffee/tea and squash. A raffle is also held at some of the events - not all, people become all raffled out.

The Fair earns money from tables rented out, from the nursery run tables (second hand toys, clothing, cake & coffee, a couple of children's activities, hotdogs, and mulled wine - its a Christmas Fair).

One of our parents is a photogapher so he came in for about an hour every day one week and took photos of all the children. We had about 5 different individual photos to choose from of our DS taken on different days, some were a bit blegh, but others were absolutely fabulous. He also took about 15 different whole of class photos and we spent ages choosing one where DS looked the best in. He covered his costs and the rest of the money went to the nursery.

The Fashion Show earned money from ticket sales, wine sales (get them on a buy and return basis so unsold bottles can be returned) and a portion of the sale of items.

I have flatly refused to run any cake stalls which used to be run in the past and have said if the other mums want to do it feel free and I will supply a cake but won't run it. Everyone has agreed not to run them.

It's always a bit of a catch up, especially if large purchases are desired (eg playhouse which we're fundraising for at the moment) but it never seems to be too much work for any one person. We have 6 very active members of the committee, a few others not so active, and a bunch of happy helpers who will help at events but are not on the committee.

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