To want to bang all their flipping heads together, party blues, WWYD? ...

[Fecklessdizzy]

DS2 wants a birthday party. Fair enough. He wants to invite a few kids from his class and several old mates from his previous school.

Trouble is that two of the old friends can't stand each other. Back at the old school they both accused the other of bullying and both sets of parents got involved and it all turned into a huge slanging match.

I'm quite good mates with one kid's mum ... Lets call him Fred. We go out on jollys with the DSs and she'll probably come and help at the party ( Fred has slight issues over socialising and she tends to hover a bit, also she's just a nice helpful person! ) Anyway, Freds mum has been complaining about t'other kid and his mum and dad for years and I've always made " Mmmm, Mmmm, Ooh-look-a-squirrel! " sort of responses as I've always found them perfectly OK but don't actually want to have a row about it. ( Yellow Streak A Mile Wide emoticon ) So she doesn't actually know that DS2 is still mates with Enemy-of-Fred and when she finds out she'll be all miffed with me.

I know this is pathetic and I should grow a pair and tell her it's none of her beeswax who DS2 hangs out with but do any of you brainiac vipers out there have any bright ideas how I can square the circle and invite all DS2's mates without incuring the wrath of Oversensative-Mum-Of-Fred?

This isn't a reverse AIBU, but another thread did make me think of posting ...

How old is DS2 and what does he have in mind for his party?

Yep, grow a pair, tell Freds mum that this other kid is coming and you dont want any confrontations, its nothing to do with you as you dont control who your DS is friends with. Just tell her if she cant keep her gob shut maybe she had better not come.

Should have said ... DS2's 10 and wants a swimming/lazers/trampolines sort of job ( keeps changing his mind )

You have to grow a pair I'm afraid.

This is where boundaries get blurred...when the parents of kid's friends become friends with each other themselves.

You have to remember that if it wasn't for your child and the friendships he's chosen, you wouldn't even know this woman.

Therefore your child comes first in this.

Tell her who's on the party list and if she doesn't like it, she can stay away...it's really that simple unless you make it more complicated.

The only thing is if you invte them both are you going to end up with fights at the party? Or risk parents taking their kids away before it's began and upsetting your ds.
If it was me I'd probably say he can only invite current classmates and have the others over separately, as I hate things like that.

Why should he have to do that just to appease one of the Mothers?

Remember it's the child's Birthday party.

Any arguments/scraps between kids can be sorted in the 'normal' way

But this is not about the grown ups here.

Just don't tell them who else is on the guest list. It's not like you include the list on the invitation. If she says anything on the day just look puzzled and say "what? you don't like EofF's mum, so I shouldn't have invited EofF to DS party?" and then look more puzzled.
We had one once where two of the mothers had gone toe to toe in the playground the week before, and they still both managed to pointedly ignore each other when both their little darlings came to no3 sons party.
That said, you know these people - do you think they will behave like adults or will it degenerate into a childish scrap? If there's a chance it might, then be careful as the last thing you want is DS upset on his day.

Invite both boys, but don't allow the mothers. It will be much easier to deal with any issues that may arise if they're not there. All being well, if the boys haven't been in each other's company for a while, they might have forgotten their differences.

I think you have to let the child decide who comes to the party.

I had to invite the son of a horrible woman last year and it caused me a huge amount of stress just thinking about having to be pleasant to her at the door.

I would just say something like - "DS has chosen who to invite" in some sort of roundabout way. Just so that she can prepare herself.

I must admit to have felt a bit betrayed by a good friend when despite knowing how awful this woman had been to me, I saw the pair of them chatting away and laughing one day. But I very quickly realised I'm a grown up and I can't expect others to be involved in my battles.

Maryz Actually that's happened before with Mum-Of-Fred at one of DS's previous shindigs. She'd had a falling out with another kids mum and claimed the other kid was picking on Fred when as far as I could see they'd not spoken at all.

It's more the idea of her hissing in my ear all through the party than the two boys having a go at each other that's bothering me, to be honest ...

That sounds like the way to go, as I can't see it ending well if she's there as she really has a bee in her bonnet about OtherKid and his folks.

I could get DP to cart them off to something manly and VERY messy and suggest we go for a drink and hook up with everyone again after the bash, then hand Fred over and run like hell as she likes to do a back-to-mine-post-party-postmortem so she can have a go at whoever's off her christmas card list that week ...

I'm making her sound awful, which she isn't, she's just really protective of Fred who has a few issues. He's a nice boy too, just a bit confrontational and not at his best in crowds.