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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

about this one sided friendship?

3 replies

themaltbycrew · 12/06/2012 10:33

Ive been friends with this girl for 20yrs.. we were friends as children (even with a 7yr age gap) and as we grew up we moved to the same neighbourhood. Our children are in the same class and are friends too.

Recently she has gone through a difficult pregnancy and accused me of not being interested in our friendship anymore as I didnt wait outside the school with my toddler everyday. She says I never arrange to go anywhere with her, never make any plans and never want to see her. In truth, she didnt make plans with me either and was always with another friend of hers she she didnt seem lonely ifgwim, She wont come to my house as I have cats and she has become alergic, My toddler sleeps in the afternoon so I cant go to hers then, I work 2 days a week and have a club another day.( we never have met a weekends) which leave two mornings a week for me to go to hers. We had a big talk and sorted a lot out..

When the baby was born, she didnt tell me, she kept putting of me visiting her and the baby, I keep trying to talk to her and arrange meeting but she keeps saying no (the baby was 10days old before I saw her).

Now ive met another mum at the school who I talk to a lot, we get on well and go to each others houses when we can, If we cant we just txt. My friend of 25yrs seems to be un-impressed with this.. she bearly speaks to me now, and gives me dirty looks when we meet in the playground.

AIBU in feeling that this friendship has run its course? and we should both just move on, Or should i put in more effort to please the lifelong friend? I dont want to loose this friendship but Im beginning to feel like Im the only one trying here.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/06/2012 10:45

Well it does sound as though it's run its course from your side when you give a sleeping toddler as a reason not to visit.

Toddlers are portable creatures and can sleep in buggies Grin

Regarding the 10 day old baby, well maybe she wasn't up to you visiting before then? She must have had lots of visitors around that time.

Only you know if it's time to move on really but be honest with yourself and her.

HecateTrivia · 12/06/2012 12:48

Friends generally like each other. Grin

It doesn't sound like that's the case here. More like the 'friendship' is a habit. Just move on.

2rebecca · 12/06/2012 14:21

It sounds like hard work for a friendship. It doesn't sound as though you really talk to each other. You can be casual friends and just not close friends. if you enjoy her company then just accept that you'll see less of each other as you're busier. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I have friends I see once every couple of years.
See her when you want to see her and when she wants to see you, see this other friend if you like her.
Everyone's friendships change as they get older. It sounds as though you are over thinking things. If she barely speaks to you and gives you dirty looks it sounds as though she no longer likes you anyway. I can't imagine any of my friends doing that.

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