feel so bad

[herstory]

My ex constantly belittles our daughter, she has anxiety issues and he constatly refers to her as a freak and a loon, he is heavy handed and threatens to beat her if she does not do as he says, he also plays on his own health issues (he is alcoholic) and makes her worry by saying he will probably have a heart attack and die soon. I challenge him but he is just abusive to me and puts the phone down, I feel so bad as I don't feel that I am able to protect my girl, I am frightened of him but I don't even know why, I left him because he was abusive towards me and because of the effect it was having on her. I feel good that I left the relationship but feel it is all pointless as he still continues to control our lives. She is twelve and does not want to stop seeing her Dad.

It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, as your daughter still wants to see him, and as he is also abusive towards you. By saying all those things to her he is being verbally and emotionally abusive. It's also worrying that he says he'll beat her if she doesn't obey him. The NSPCC has helplines and a lot of online advice which may be helpful to you? There is a useful page here;

www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/online-advice/emotional-abuse/emotional-abuse-a_wda87104.html

It has links to other organisations as well.

Could you go to court for supervised contact at a centre? That way she gets to see him and he has to behave.

• Calls child names like freak and loon.
• Threatens child with a beating.
• Emotional blackmails child about his health.
• Alcoholic.
• Abusive to you on the phone.
• Frightening.
• Is controlling your lives.

^^ Just thought I'd reflect back to you what you said. Doesn't look good really does it. No wonder she's got anxiety issues. No wonder she feels she ought to see him. How at 12 can she possibly see through all this if Mummy isn't seeing through it and Mummy's a grown up?

Put your foot down Mum. There is no way of stopping him screwing with your babys wellbeing until you do.

Contact centre is the way to go.

Thinking about it, she probably wants to see him because she is frightened of what he will do if she says she doesnt :(

Make an appointment to see a solicitor and then start documenting everything he says, if she comes back saying things, make a note of the date and what he has said, also how she reacts - is she tearful etc. Also document what he says to you. You will need evidence if you need to stop him seeing her and saying 'once he said this or that' wont help. You need to have it dated.

Thanks to all who have taken the time to post a message, made me feel stronger, things have been wearing me down and making me feel like I was in a fog. Had been keeping a log and have added to it tonight, it makes depressing reading. I know I need to stand up to him more for the sake of my girl. Thanks again xxx