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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my family are pretty rubbish?

14 replies

captainpenguinrules · 11/06/2012 21:10

Just want to rant really. I want to ring them and tell them they're rubbish, but I won't!

(and have namechanged as if my cousin reads this then it totally outs and she can tell them I'm mad Grin

Some background - I have a tiny family; me, my mum, my aunt, uncle and cousin. My dad died years ago. When I was growing up we hardly saw my aunt and uncle due to bad relations between my aunt and my dad (her DB) but my parents split up and we started to see much more of them, having xmas dinner together etc.
They live in my home town which is over 200miles from where I live now, and my mum moved a few years ago and now lives near me, not them.

My mum really likes my DA and DU, and lets them know what is happening with me and my family, and always remembers her DN's bday etc. She insisted we go to my cousins wedding as she is her only niece. I didn't want to go partly due to the distance (DS1 was only 10mo) but also because my cousin texted me on the morning of my wedding to let me know she couldn't come as she was busy (even though she'd have known at least 24hrs before as thats when they would have left home, but probably decided weeks before not to come. But, my mum couldn;t go without us (ill health) so we went.

So. When I had DS2 my mum called and gave my aunt the news. My aunt said they wanted to come to the christening when we had it and to make sure we let them know. She said of course we would (they came to DS1's christening. My DU is quite religious so is very pleased we are going down the baptism route).

A few months later DA calls my mum to tell her my cousin is pg. During the chat my mum said the christening hadn't been organised yet but was likely to be when the weather was warmer. DA said lovely, they still wanted to come, so could we make sure it wasn't in May, as DU was away, and not too close to my cousins dues date.

It was a bit tricky to find a date that fitted in with them and with the godfather who was booked up most weekends, but we managed it and let them know. The date was fine, they said, they'd book a hotel.

Since then we've found out that pretty much all of DH's extended family can't come due to (pre-arranged) plans, but they are all very apologetic. Also some good friends also aren't able to come. But, we know that it's hard to suit everyone.

Fast-forward to today, and my mum got a letter from my aunt with a general family update and an apology. They can no longer make the Christening as they've booked a long weekend away. My mum is furious!!!!!!!

As my DM has said, they are fit, healthy and retired, they could go away anytime. And as DH has said, we picked the date pretty much to suit them.

I really want to call them and tell them that we arranged it around them and going on holiday is a crap reason to pull out. But I won't, I'll just fume at home.

And relax!!!

OP posts:
captainpenguinrules · 11/06/2012 21:37

Still rather annoyed....

OP posts:
BarredfromhavingStella · 11/06/2012 21:57

Sorry but why wont you call & tell them? I certainly would!!! Pick up the phone & do it now.....

captainpenguinrules · 11/06/2012 22:03

I know, but I just think what is the point?! They've made their choice. They said in the letter to my mum that they'd be in touch with us re: gifts, so maybe they'll call me and then I'll tell them that I'm pissed off. Doubt it though.

I just don't understand why they made out that they were so keen to come along, going so far as to specify a date, and then decided to go and book themselves a bloody holiday. There's really no reasoning with people like that, is there?!

OP posts:
BarredfromhavingStella · 11/06/2012 22:08

I personally think what they have done is rude & just so inconsiderate. I would have to tell them exactly what I thought but that's me & I am a gobshite-have soapbox will travel Grin
Hope you still have a lovley day despite having family missing.

RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum · 11/06/2012 22:22

I think I would also contact them and tell them exactly why you are annoyed with them. YANBU! They asked you to arrange christening for a certain time so they could attend, you did this and now they have decided they would rather go for a weekend away? Hmm

I think I would also say that because of the date that was chosen [partially to convenience them] there are members of DHs family that are unable to attend. So if your family had not asked you to hold a date for them you could have instead made a date that was convenient for DHs family to attend!

Really, you could say all this and let them know the result of their thoughtlessness and still not be unreasonable. Just keep to the moral high ground - stay calm and in control, don't get angry or upset. Just let them know you feel let down and disappointed but are also big enough to let it go and not let it spoil your baby's christening.

Your extended family do sound a bit rubbish... But hey, stuff them and enjoy a lovely day celebrating your baby's special celebration !

captainpenguinrules · 11/06/2012 22:24

Thanks, we will. And at least I won't feel guilty when I don't go to my cousins's DC's christening that we'll no doubt be invited to!

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captainpenguinrules · 11/06/2012 23:00

Also my DM said she would have preferred it if they had not told her the reason why they weren't coming. If they'd just said "something unavoidable" has come up, it wouldn't have pissed us off anywhere near as much as them letting us know they are jetting off on holiday.

Gahhhh!

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NarkedRaspberry · 11/06/2012 23:07

They're unreliable. Stop arranging things to suit them. It's not fair and they're not being polite or thoughtful, but you'll save yourself future stress/angst if you just accept that this is just how they are.

captainpenguinrules · 11/06/2012 23:21

Thanks Narked, but I'm actually quite surprised at their behaviour. My cousin, yes, that wasn't a surprise. We're not close, she's not very sociable, so the fact that she didn't want to come to my wedding was no shock at all. But I was mightily pissed off at how she went about it (as were her parents, but she's an adult so it's up to her how she behaves).

My DA and DU, on the other hand, are normally very reliable. This was really out of character. Especially as it's a Christening.

But no, I shall never arrange anything to suit them again, that's for sure.

OP posts:
PooshTun · 12/06/2012 09:15

Well, no chance of your cousin recognising you from your detailed post eh? :o

pinkdelight · 12/06/2012 09:24

Pooshtun - I always think that! People say they've namechanged, but I don't see how that stops them being recognised from a very specific story. Weird.

captainpenguinrules · 12/06/2012 19:56

I did say in my first post that if my cousin did read it she could let them know how pissed off I am! There's a v good chance she's on MN as she's pg. So, hi cuz !

The name change is surely so that she can't sneak a peek at my other posts to find out other stuff about me, no? That's my reasoning, anyway Grin

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 12/06/2012 20:10

Is it too late to change the date so the majority of those who have declined would be able to come now you don't have to accomodate your not so DA and DU?
That would make you feel a little better about it at least!

RightBuggerforit · 12/06/2012 21:39

I would def let them know how fucking rude of them that was and that you're bloody annoyed about it. Also, maybe consider changing the date if people genuinely gutted at not being available can come.

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