about family wedding, I know that I am

[ditavonteesed]

I am really really U, but I feel upset so I want people to tell me to get a grip. My lovely cousin is getting married later in the year, she lives in argentina but is getting married over here. (well I guess that has outed me to any family), it will be where my aunty lives which is about 4 hour drive away. Anyway we wont be invited to the day do, just the evening, I wouldnt expect anything else we dont see them often and are only cousins. My mum said yesterday cousins are only going to the evening. Here is the complicated bit, My brother is the photographer, so he will be going all day, and has said he wants his family there all day, so my sil and d niece and nephew. My my mum and dad will obvousy be going all day as will my gran (all live round the corner from me).

this is exactlly what happened when my other cousin got married and we dutifully drove for 3 hours with at the time 2 very small children and hung out in the hotel room all day and felt very left out when we actually went. this is not anyone but my own fault. but I really hate feeling so left out of my own close family, it brings back memeories of always feeling left out when I was younger and feeling like my dm and df would have prefered dsil was there daughter to me.

Anyway I realised that it is not cousins, it is me, I am the only cousin as my brother obviously doesnt count because of the photgrapher thing.

Thing is both dd's are really car sick and I would normally give them phenergan for such a long journey, rendering them not a lot of use for most of the rest of the day. it is a very long drive and neither of dd's are good at late nights, we have been to parties before where they have been begging to go home at 9pm.

I should not go really should I, I just feel so left out of my family (db shares hobby with df so they are always going to stuff together with dbs family and dm and often dgran)
I know that all of this is my problem and I am very happy for my dcousin, love her to death and would not expect her to invite me to the day or anything, but for some reason i have woken up feeling very sad about it.

So shout at me please. :)

aahh dita YANBU. is it an option for just you to go up for the evening do?

I don't think YABU, can you possibly go on your own? I would feel the same and would not go if I had to drag aling 2 little dosed up children for a late night.

I'd go on my own probably on the train, go shopping in the daytime and be impossibly glamorous and pissed in the evening?

I hadnt even thought of that, although I think I would just end up stood in a corner like a lemon as the rest of my family would be merrily drunk and deep in day long conversations by then. (now thats just me be emotional and daft isnt it)

Why should your SIL and dn's be invited to an event at which your brother is working? That's really rude of him!!

YANBU to feel the way you do. I get explainable sulky feelings sometimes!

Is leaving your dd's at home an option?

That last comment is you being emotional and daft really, and as you said it yourself, you know that!
I like Kitbits idea. Conversations do not go on all day, they move on and flow and people dip in and out of them on a day like that. You would be fine, you would be among family for goodness sake.

Ok well its their wedding so up to them etc

BUT I think its very rude to only invite you to the evening part, that's what you do with work collegues not family!

Personally if a family member gave me an evening only invite I would say thanks but no thanks.

You say you understand and dont expect any more but yet you are left feeling sad, I don't blame you for feeling sad at all I think that's a fair reaction tbh

YANBU. What has happened is rude. You are a first cousin and should be invited to the entire day, especially as the rest of your family is invited to the whole day. If I were you I would simply decline the invitation altogether. And have previously done so when DH's rudest cousin did the same to us although usually in our family cousins are invited to weddings.

I think I would be inclined to explore leaving the children at home with your DP and going alone.
Your brother is strange. Would he expect you to be invited to other peoples weddings because he is photographing them?

what kitbit said!

or just don't go at all. plan a lovely day out for you and dc's and forget all about them. most weddings are really boring anyway! esp those of distant relatives

I honestly dont mind not being invitied, and dcousin would be really upset if she knew I was feeling upset about it. we didnt have any family and only a couple of witnesses at our wedding so I never have any right to complain about not being invited to any wedding, we did it because i couldnt deal with all the stress. I just need to get over it, tbh I dont think it is going to be worth the cost and stress of getting us all there for the evening do (obviously would need to find somewhere to stay etc) but maybe just me going is an option I will explore when I feel a bit less silly about it.

Also, what kind of person expects people to travel four hours each way for a few hours of evening party? Completely not worth the effort!

He is doing at cost and that is part of the deal I think, I dont really know how it works. otherwise dsil would be stuck in a hotel room with dn's.

I'd decline the invite. We had the same thing with DH's cousin, they invited us to just the evening do (300 miles away) but other cousins to the whole thing. AND included a greedy, grabby 'give us honeymoon money' poem.

We declined the invite

I assume he already owns a camera, so, what, 12p for a CD plus petrol?

As babe. Either do as kit says or better still spend a day out with your close family!!! Dh And dcs.

If you want to go, plan the route and split the journey so that you have a short trip to the actual reception but spend the day doing something fun. You don't need to spend it all in a hotel room. Or split the journey into more than two shorter stints so your DDs get a break from the car.

Have your tried other travel sickness stuff for your DDs that doesn't wipe them out? DS1 gets on well with Traveleeze pastilles for example.

I'm a bit at your brother insisting his family go along with him to the wedding TBH.

I dont think he insisited, hhe si a wedding photographer, would normally be ludicrously expensive, I think my aunty or cousin will have said that his family should come so they dont feel left out.

Supy I have tried other things in the past and they dont work, I suppose they might be worth a try now as they are getting older.

Well, he might be going as photographer but SIL and her children are exactly the same level of relationship as your dp and dc. So they should have the same level of invitation!

I wouldn't even think about going if I were you. Had a similar situation recently where we were invited to a wedding 200 miles away. Then there was a wedding breakfast which we weren't invited to, then the evening reception which we were! Had 3 month old DS at the time! Also sounds like there are deeper issues regarding your family that it might be worth getting out in the open if it's the case that you end up feeling left out/inferior when things like this come up. I know the feeing all too well and it isn't nice to say the least. Oh, and Bil is bu imo.

I think I should probably not go and take the dd's to aa theme park or something with the money we save, I just worry about upsetting dcousin, I dont get to see her very often as she is in argentina and she will have a new baby which \i wont meet if I dont go. We havent even got the invite yet, this is all based on a conversation with dm and db yesterday.

If she wants to see you and wants you to meet her baby that much then she should have extended the same courtesy to you that she's extended to the rest of the family. I would make a stand on this. If there were 5 cousins and you were all excluded it would be different. But to single you out is Bridezilla like and unkind.

Totally agree with Hexagonal.

Spend the money you save by not going on a treat for your own family.

are there cousins on the grooms side? it does sound very mean to exclude just one person like this..

squeaky I hadnt thought about that, I bet there are.