to think that if dh comes to bed two hours after me

[GnocchiNineDoors]

He shouldnt get in a huff if I am too tired for sex?

I sometimes am in bed by, say, 9.30. I say something along the lines of "im turning in / tucking up" and go to bed. I dont go straight to sleep, often read or MN.

Dh may then not come to bed till 11 or 12 by which point I am either awake but ready for sleep or asleep dribbling onto my book

If dh tries it on (when im awake) I then feel bad for turning him down as I am shattered. Tonight I was asleep when he came in but stirred on hearing him getting ready for bed. I woke enough to put down my book, turn off the lamp and give him a goodnight kiss.

On trying to get back to sleep I can feel him waiting to see if I were going to wake up properly or not and then he started playing on his phone.

I, in turn, end up feeling guilty for not wanting to cuddle or interact so have been lying awake now while he is now asleep.

I feel like he is either not realising that it is UR to expect someone to still be wide awake after 2 hours in bed or he is in fact choreographing this to make me look bad....like I dont want to have sex...when infact I do, just not when I am two blinks away from sleep.

So why don't you ask him to go to bed with you?

Yes I have this exact same dilemma. Have no solution as yet, so interested to hear responses. I dont understand it, if dh interested in a bit of hows yer father, why the hell doesnt he come up to bed at the same time as me??

I dont ask him as he is usually watching something on the tele so I get out my shower, tell him where im going and think that if he wants sex hell come though once his show is finished. He doesnt.

Id think it was a case of him not wanting sex if it wasnt for the fact that he seema to want it when he eventually does come to bed.

Ha ha.... you are not alone. And I don't think you are BU either.

Mine has the habit of snoozing on the sofa in the evening, then coming to bed awake.
His particular annoying habit is of coming upstairs, looking in to check I am awake, then going and spending an hour in the loo and still expecting me to be awake when he is done.

Makes me fume.

He thinks that when I am reading I am fully wide awake, whereas I read to unwind and get ready for sleep.

New annoyance recently, he will anounce "I'll be up in a minute" as I go up to bed. Sometime followed by "And then I'll be 'up' in a minute too". This announced his intentions, but still doesn't seem to prevent him watching more tv or youtube for half an hour or more and wondering why I am not in the mood when he finally appears.

I refuse to feel guilty, though. It's his loss.

TBH, DH & me have all but given up sex at night, as we are both way too tired to put much effort in. Mornings work better for us, especially as these days we are always awake earlier than any of the children (they have conditioned us to waking early and now they want to sleep in. Sod's Law.)
And a sneaky afternoon is good if they are all out

Yanbu, but if you tell him it's now or never and he declines, then you should not feel guilty.

FWIW we never have sex at night, dp works funny shifts so is either in work or asleep to get up early for work.
It was a real novelty when the kids stayed over in my mums last week and it was dark :o

At 6mo, dd sort of takes over our mornings but maybe we should utilise nap times better.

We dont do nighttime sex now. It never works....we grab any daytime momenr we can!