To post here in a blatant attempt to get more traffic? Surrogacy.

[Janoschi]

Yes I know this isn't really a genuine AIBU but I need some quick, good, strong MNet advice, and the more viewpoints the better!

So. 2 very dear friends of mine are desperate for a family, to the point where they've faced financial ruin in order to go through 3 unsuccessful rounds of IVF.

I'm married with a lovely DD, and we have no desire to expand our family further. I've been wanting to offer myself as a surrogate for my friends for a while but am unsure of how to raise this with my DP.

FWIW, I had a fairly standard pregnancy, just a bit of SPD and some bleeding but I was in good health and it didn't feel too tough. The birth though was traumatic and very badly handled by the hospital and this freaked out my DP big style. I seriously doubt he'd want to watch a repeat performance! I also suffered a miscarriage before DD.

So, does anyone have any ideas of how best to raise the subject of helping my friends? My DP is close to them too, by the way!

Thank you!

I'm not sure I agree that surrogacy devalues motherhood. I have a wonderful relationship with my little DD and it really does break my heart to see how much my friends long to have the same.

As I said earlier, adoption was considered but they were told they'd be unsuitable.

Krum, if it is a mum to be egg and her husband sperm then you know all the gentic history.

DNA comes from the egg and sperm a surrogate mum will only be the biological mother if she used her own eggs

Surrogacy devalues motherhood?

It is actually any of your business. God I saw my friends got through 15 yrs of heartbreak before they became parents.

Surrogacy devalues motherhood

no surrogacy make motherhood possible.

Love Mchappy's post.

Agreed lettuce. What an awful thing to say.

How do your friends feel about your offer? I'm only asking because DH and I went through fertility problems, and when a dear friend offered to be a surrogate out of the blue I was a bit . Especially as our problems are sperm related...

Janoschi- I think you are a beautiful person to be considering doing this. I think everyone has given very good advice.

Krumbum - whilst you are entitled to your opinion, I find what you've said about this way of having a family deeply offensive. For so many people it's not a case of having a lovely bonk and then Bingo! 9 months later a baby appears. Given that my DD was created from the incredible gift of an egg from my beautiful sister & then carried & given birth to by me, does that make me simply her 'Vessel'?! No. I think not!

I offered egg donation about 6 months ago and they were both deeply touched but didn't think they could face a 4th round of IVF, both emotionally and financially. It's not a sperm issue, it's a menopausal one.

I do think the 'vessel' comment is unjustified, especially with the assumption that adoption wasn't considered. My friends would do and have done everything possible to have a family and this is the only option not yet explored.