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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find it cringey when people arse lick others?

17 replies

AngelinaBB · 10/06/2012 22:23

Am I alone in thinking this? It happens a lot on facebook and real life. Those that seem to be well off seem to be held in particularly high esteem with some people. I have a group of friends I met via NCT classes and one in particular seems fairly well off, don't know her that well in all honesty, but she is very me me me, never makes any effort, and all the other women in the group comment on her photos all the time like she's the queen or something. It's all comments about her DD's clothes and about how wonderful she is and how wonderful their holiday looked blah blah. I think they all want her life. When we meet up it all has to suit this woman and if she doesn't like somewhere then we can't go there. Gets right on my wick.

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 10/06/2012 22:24

yanbu

LentillyFart · 10/06/2012 22:24

I just wouldn't have someone like that in my life and it is your choice whether to or not.

WorraLiberty · 10/06/2012 22:27

Why have you got her on your Facebook and why do you let her stop you from going somewhere just because she doesn't like the place?

AngelinaBB · 10/06/2012 22:30

Can't delete her as would cause trouble within the NCT circle if I did. No one else will go anywhere she refuses to go. They are all like her little lap dogs

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/06/2012 22:32

Well you don't sound any different to the people you're complaining about to be honest.

You're pretending to be friends with someone you clearly don't like and you don't want to flick them off of your FB list as it would 'cause trouble in the NCT circle'??

Please!

JosephineCD · 10/06/2012 22:34

Find new NCT friends! Pretending to like people is not healthy!

Goofus · 10/06/2012 22:34

When Queen Bee insists on a certain meet place why don't you say ''no, I hate it there''.
See if anybody agrees.

AngelinaBB · 10/06/2012 22:35

I like the others generally. Our kids are friends. They're not my best friends but I enjoy the meet ups. I just don't like this part of their behaviour and the fact they're so very easily impressed. I'm not pretending to be friends with her. I don't kiss her butt like the others do but I'm not rude to her.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 10/06/2012 22:35

We've had this one before haven't we?

AngelinaBB · 10/06/2012 22:37

They wouldn't agree Goofus. Like you say, this woman is queen bee. All the others fall over themselves to stay in with her, they wouldn't go against what she wants

OP posts:
myBOYSareBONKERS · 10/06/2012 22:49

I remember this too . . . . . . . . . . yawn. . . . . .

irishchic · 10/06/2012 23:07

Why are you being so arsey to the OP? She is not being unreasonable. She doesnt hate this woman, just doesnt like the way the rest of the group panders to her. That would annoy me too. But she cant just drop the other girls just for this when she obviously likes them, and why cut off her nose to spite her face?

OP Yanbu, but its not going to change so you are just going to have to put up with it if you want to keep company with these ladies.

Latara · 10/06/2012 23:07

There's lots of people in RL who arse lick others.
I think the polite phrase is 'are total creeps' & the academic word is possibly 'sycophantic'.

Re: this rich woman from NCT classes - i remember a similar thread previously? Was that your thread & is this the same woman?
If so then this situation with your group of friends is clearly getting to you & upsetting you.
I suggest that if you like these women then continue to socialise with them; but also try meet new friends who have a different outlook on life.
The friends you made in your NCT classes are probably all very similar in background & attitudes.

Lots of people are not so easily impressed by money & social class - you just need to find them.

giraffesCantFitInThePalace · 10/06/2012 23:10

start dropping hints you have won the lottery, see if they start listining to you more then.

carabos · 11/06/2012 08:58

YANBU it's a bit playground IMHO.

I came across this recently as I was in reception at my gym. We were waiting to check in for a class and there was a woman there with her friend. Friend hadn't been before and wasn't booked in so they were asking if there was a space. So far, so normal. The regular gym goer however seemed to think it was necessary to lay on thick just why her friend should get into the class - the conversation went like this:
"Can A come to pump this morning - she's not booked in but she's really keen".
Receptionist - "yes no problem, has she done Pump before".
Woman (laughing) " you don't know her do you? A is a real athlete, she can do any class, you're really lucky she's come here, she usually goes to the tennis club you know".
Receptionist - "right".
Friend - "yes I usually go to the tennis club but of course their classes are very popular and it's hard to get in. I wouldn't normally come up this part of town".
Woman "A is really really good, she'll put the rest of us to shame".

Later, in the studio, another woman comes rushing over to the first two :
"Hi A I didn't know you were coming, here take my bench, I'll get another and come next to you. I bet you're really good at this aren't you we're all rubbish!"
First friend - " it's ok, she's working next to me, I want to copy her" .

Instructor comes in, class starts, it's immediately obvious that A has never done it before and therefore has to use the baby weights. Instructor questions her experience (nicely) - turns out she's done it once, she's coming to our class because "nobody" will see her. Hmm.

These are adult women. I despair.

Mrsjay · 11/06/2012 11:30

why is she your friend Hmm she has put herself on some sort of higher plane as if she is more important than any of you, don't buy into it, Smile

Mrsjay · 11/06/2012 11:30

plain* obviously

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