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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

should I dump the lot of them and be done...

11 replies

scrappydappy · 10/06/2012 20:24

Went to a really strange birthday party this afternoon held by one of my NCT friends (or should I say acquaintances).

So the history is that initially we all got on alright - however, there was one girl that I always knew did not like me and she made it more than abundantly clear. I managed to stay in touch with most of the people I liked, so have been quite happy and there is one girl that I always considered to be a good friend (although more because she always said how much she valued my friendship than anything else).

In the last year girl I have been good friends with has been acting strange. Like almost every time I ring her and ask her if she wants to meet up it seems she has something else on, and then she is always like "we most meet up more often".

So another girl who I would regard as an acquaintance invited me to party - I was happy to go with DC1. Walked into party and everyone says "oh scrappy it is so nice to see you", "we must meet up more" (except of course for girl who clearly does not like me who manages a frosty hello) - clearly bollocks as I went through a phase of calling them a lot and if I had never called them playdates would never have happened. Girl who is meant to be good friend spent whole party chatting to this woman who I don't like - clearly they are now good friends and I missed the part where she had usurped me. As I get ready to leave women who is friend starts on about how we must meet up.

Quite frankly by this time I have had enough of the lot of them. Should I just dump the lot of them and be done? Or would I be unreasonable to do this and should I give them another chance.

OP posts:
Westcountrylovescheese · 10/06/2012 20:27

Sounds very playground to me... why are you making an effort?

FourEyesGood · 10/06/2012 20:28

If you're ever considering dumping someone, be they lover or friend, it's probably best to get on and do it. If you've got enough other friends, you don't need this lot. Friends should never be the source of hassle or stress - they should be the balm!

skybluepearl · 10/06/2012 20:30

Why not leave it for a few months and try and make some new friends instead

dondon33 · 10/06/2012 20:33

Sorry to be blunt but I feel its necessary so FUCK THEM ALL
Save yourself the hassle and the wondering OP they're clearly not worth your time or energy. xxx

mumtoone123 · 10/06/2012 20:35

Sounds really stressful and unpleasant for you - friends shouldnt make you feel uncomfortable. I agree with skyblue , just don't bother and concentrate on friendships that don't make you feel horrible.

scrappydappy · 10/06/2012 20:54

Thank you for your honesty. The only reason why I persist is because historically I feel that the ones I like have been good friends in the past and that it would be sad to lose them completely. You are right though - I have been working on building other friendships recently so I should just get on and do it. It is not like it will be hard.

OP posts:
sadsac · 10/06/2012 21:19

It seemed to me that people who were friends when dc was small and we were all around with lots of time, I was a lot more tolerant with then.

As time goes on and preschool, school, after school activiites, part time jobs come into play - people drift apart a bit and only really the stronger friendships carry on through.

If you feel it's time, walk away I'd say.

CrapBag · 10/06/2012 21:31

It does sound all a bit like playground stuff.

The next time one of them says "oh we must meet up" reply with "I have been trying but everyone always seems to be busy" and see what they say. If it still doesn't happen then screw them but it could be the kick up the backside to make them realise that you have been trying to make an effort.

FWIW, I see friends sometimes and we always do the "oh we have to meet soon" thing and its ages before we do, sometimes busy lives with work and children do get in the way but I would think that a good friend would make the time tbh.

I have a couple of friends who went to NCT groups and I have found that only a couple (if that) friendships truly last. You may well do better to just cut your losses although it does sound as if you are jealous that the woman you considered a good friend is now friends with the woman who doesn't like you.

thebody · 10/06/2012 21:38

God they sound massive pains up arse. Really childish.

Best revenge, move on and make better friends and be happy.

scrappydappy · 11/06/2012 14:17

At one point maybe it was a bit of jealousy but now I am actually hurt that she clearly has less time for me than her other friends.

OP posts:
minesapintofwine · 11/06/2012 14:27

Im really sorry if this sounds rude I assure you I dont mean it to. The thing is I reread the post a few times as I truly honestly cant see the issue or a good enough reason to dump them. If you are not really interested in being friends then by all means dont contact them or go to any gatherings but I wouldnt 'dump' them in that way (the way in which they will know theyve been dumped) as you never know when you might need someone! Again I dont wish to sound rude but think maybe you are being a bit too sensitive (guilty too) and reading too much into it. I dont think anyone is being deliberately ignorant just not realised what theyve done. You could tell them or walk. Personally Id just stop bothering.

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