Asked to facilitate Acess for our son more, aibu to think bigger off!

[washingonawednesday]

Brief history- split when our son was 4 months old due to ow. I moved to live with parents 300 miles away south for support and because as a single mum I couldn't afford to live on my own in such an expensive area. 10 months later he moves an additional 100 miles away from my current location to live with ow.

They are having a baby in September (yes I can see the dates, she was pregnant before he even moved in).

Up to now he has come to visit my son eow staying in our holiday let for the first part and more recently in travel lodges as the ow has been coming with him.

He now states that he'll be coming every 3 weeks after baby is born as he can't afford it with travel and hotel bills. I appreciate this and am impressed with his commitment to seeing his son so far, but he has now made several pointed first, then arsey recently, comments that I should be facilitating this more to help him out.

I DO NOT want to travel 400 miles up north on my precious baby free weekends to make it easier for him. I do not even want to travel half way. I get 4 days off a month, soon to drop to 4 every 6 weeks. I do not have the money for petrol.

As an aside he earns £40k.

Aibu for not helping more? I've offered the holiday let to make it cheaper, but as the ow is not welcome (it's my parents let and they are still furious even though we have both moved on. I really dot know what he expects from me.

I am prepared for a flaming, but what would you do?

Maybe that is what you need to write to him? That a 800 mile round trip is too much for a little boy to undertake, nor do you have the finances to afford it, but it is so important that just because there is another baby on the way, in fact ds's sibling, that X does not lose contact with his dad or feel pushed out. You have made available free accommodation at the holiday let for him and OW and hope he continues to forge a strong relationship with his son.

DS is probably too young to go away from you for an extended stay, but could offer that to EX as something to work towards as he gets older and their relationship strengthens?

Yes agree with report.

You need to meet him halfway when he sees your son for overnight visits. It's better for your ds to have a break onthe middle of the journey, and you are doing it for him not your ex anyway.

The reasons for your split have nothing to do with access arrangements now. You have a responsibility to your child to make it as easy as possible for him to spend time with his father.