To be stressed to the point of screaming with my DC?

[CouthyMow]

At 3.30pm, I asked my 14yo, my 10yo and my 8yo to start sorting out their things for school tomorrow.

My 14yo has so far sorted her school bag, but not her PE kit or her clothes for the morning. That has been accompanied by much huffing, tutting and moodiness.

My 10yo has, granted, sorted out everything except his school bag, but has constantly back chatted, argued with me, questioned everything I have asked him to do, at length, been rude to me, shouted at me, and generally made steam pour from my ears. I started with him at 3.30pm as he hadc
more stuff to sort because he has sailing after school tomorrow too, as well as PE. But holy moley, has it been a struggle to get there! He has just done (except his bag, and I need a break before I harangue him on that one, or HE might just end up packed in there!!), but it has taken what is probably the hardest 2.5 hrs of my life.

My 8yo is done, apart from his swimming kit. He just couldn't find his arse with both hands, and can't even 'find' his uniform when it's hanging in his blinking wardrobe, all on the same hanger.

Anyone got to pass me?

It's not even as I'd it's unusual for me to expect them to get their own stuff ready, I teach them through the infants slowly, with the expectation that once they are in the juniors, they will be responsible for getting their own things ready, so it's not a surprise to them that they need to do this when they go back to school in the morning.

I had to get my own stuff ready for school at 5yo, you wouldn't think that a 14yo, a 10yo and an 8yo would find it do hard!!!

Rrrrrrrraaaaaaarrrggghhhhhh!!

Defenitly (oh FFS sp, tried 6 ways to spell it but am too stressed to spell!) o'clock!!!

At those ages if there bags aren't packed and they don't have the equipment for school they can explain why to the teachers

I would open the wine and ignore them

It's been nearly 3 hours since you started the process!

Thing is, the teachers never seem to tell the DC off for it, they just send home snotty letters reminding the parents that they should be fully equipped for the school day. Or even call you in and moan at you.

IMO, that doesn't teach them any personal responsibility, and I think they are old enough to manage it themselves.

It is an area with lots of overprotective, helicopter parents though. (NOT my style )

You know what amuses me? Come September you see a whole load of shiny new Y7s making their way to school, sparkly new uniforms, slick back hair, cherubic little faces , bent double like a grotesque ninja turtle with an oversized shell on their back; back packs full of 'might need' stuff.

Come Y11, you're lucky if they have a biro in their top pocket

Has been a particularly hard day for it today, they are normally much better at it!

I am currently hiding in the kitchen!!

How about giving them each a list of things that need to be done and a time by which you expect them to be done. If they fail explain that there will be sanctions. Try to ignore the huffing and puffing and backchat - those are just mechanisms they're using to try to exasperate you to the point where you give up and do it yourself! Having given the instructions detach yourself from the situation and drink until you stop steaming! This used to work for me.

so I take it this boy doesn't like P.E. or sailing then? If you don't pack your kit there is no point in taking you - their choice. P.E. at school often have smelly kit to wear for people that don't bring their own

Nope, no spare kit, and a call in for the parents if no PE kit for two lessons a term!

And randomly, he LOVES PE and sailing, just hates getting organised!

at JumpingThroughHoops

I was in the 'if you haven't got your stuff you will be in the shit and that is definitely not my problem'
But I was lucky as the schools offers great things like Saturday detention and litter detention.
Heaven.

Dds bag is packed and by the front door.

You do need to stop the nagging and cajoling though. I would say 'i want your bags ready in one hour or you go to bed at 6.00/ have no swimming on Tuesday/ no screen time tomorrow/ punishment of choice'

Walk away and in an hour check that bag is ready and if not say sadly 'oh that's a shame. You fucked up there son. No swimming on tuesday'

Then stick to it.

Yanbu. I'm trying to get 6mo dd2 stuff ready for DH mums tomorrow and six year old dd1 ready for school, rainbows and also tea ready as my auntie is collecting her from school and bringing her home to give her tea ( I am away with work tomorrow). Also finished a large batch of ironing and put it away, bathed us all ( cue army of damp towels) and cooking dinner. DH has now taken dd1 on trampoline when I asked him to read with her! And dd2 has decided she does not want her bottle so is going to grizzle and cry all evening. I thought Sunday was supposed to be the day of rest!

I've got nothing left to sanction them with after the way they've behaved this half term! Literally, it's been the half term from hell.

All because I haven't had the money to spend for them to do the things they want. IMO, food, clothes and bills come first. It's hard enough finding the money for all the after school clubs they do, and it's still not enough for them, they all want contract phones like their friends (who the hell gets a 10yo or a 14yo a contract phone?! My 10yo doesn't even HAVE a phone, he's too young!), and iPads, their friends have so much compared to them, and I financially can't keep up.

DD is still paying me back for the door she punched a hole in, so has not been able to go swimming or ice skating with her friends over half term, as she is both grounded and not getting pocket money or phone credit till she has paid me back.

DS1 has the hump because I can't afford the £40 computer game he wants, or to pay for him to go to the cinema with his friends.

DS2 has the hump because he isn't old enough to cross 4 main roads on his own to go to the 'nearest' park where his friends play, and as they are only there during DS3's nap time, I can't take him.

I can't do anything right!!!

GTBH with you - after years of the mantra 'get it ready the night before' they still wander round with one sock on, one sock off, loooking for random things that I know nothing about yet am assume to know where they are, me moaning and then speeding up the road like a deranged Cruella De'Ville praying the traffic lights are on green, weaving up and down the back doubles

How you going to cope in the sch hols ?

you arent doing anything wrong!! but why cant the eldest take the ds2 to the park?

Squeaky is right. You are not doing anything wrong.
That is shitty. Poor you.

I don't know who gets a 10 year old a phone and contract either. I have told DD that secondary school is the very earliest.

I wouldnt give any teen a contract phone unless they are working and able to pay for it themselves. PAYG all the way, and if they use up their credit, tough luck.

Kids will never learn the value of money and grow up to be independant and appreciative if they are given everything at a young age.

Eldest can't take 8yo to park as she has ASD. Not safe to be responsible for younger siblings.

Summer hols? Don't know is the honest answer. Though SS have promised me some respite care for the two with disabilities (finally, after 5 years of wrangling). Hopefully that will help.

It's the constant rudeness I'm getting when I can't afford for them to do what their friends are doing that is getting me down.

Is that coming from the sn children? The mouthiness and wanting stuff?

One DC with SN (14yo DD), and my NT 10yo.

DD doesn't really 'get' that we are a lot poorer than her friends, and even poorer since Ex-P left, but DS1 does, even at 10yo. He's usually better than this, but he's recently hit puberty early, and has turned from a thoughtful, caring boy into a grunting heap of teenager, 3 years early!!!

And, without wishing to split heirs, they are DC with SN, not 'SN DC'.

It may not sound like much of a difference to most people, but to people with DC that DO have SN's or disabilities, it is a whole world of difference!

Split heirs??!! HAIRS! Stupid predictive text.

Dd 15 can't find her pe kit.
Did you bring your bag home said I an hour ago.
Cue rolling of eyes, of course I did, what do you think I am..stuhpid?

She has just come down to say it's in her locker.

lovely smelly pe kit coming home tomorrow then.

I'm unequivocally not going to be sawing Prince William in half!