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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In taking my bag back from a lady who walked off with it?

59 replies

Lorimar · 10/06/2012 16:57

In a busy leisure type place today, DS was fiddling with a sweetie machine which had swallowed our money. DM goes off to find staff to sort it out, I turned for literally 15 seconds and my bag, which was on the floor next to the machine disappeared. Cue frantic searching, DF accusing me of having left it somewhere else and finally, DM spotting a lady right at the end of the place holding it.

I rushed over, grabbed it from her hand and said 'I'll have that back please'. She didn't want to let go so I gave a little tug and it came free. I said thank you and walked back to where my family was standing, but she followed me over and said that she had thought it was her DMs bag. Her DM did have a bag, but it was very much smaller than mine and a completely different colour. My DF told me to apologise as she'd made a mistake and mistakes can happen (his words), and she was quite intimidating, so I did, but she just gave me a mouthful and said she'd have left straight away if she'd intended to steal it.

We left and they followed us out (so they must have been ready to leave when she took it), walking behind us and being quite intimidating again.

Did I react wrongly in assuming when was thieving it? My gut instinct is that she was and had already made up her story in case the owner (me) found it before she left.

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 10/06/2012 18:01

she was clearly at it
thieving your bag
don't leave your bag unobserved soft play etc are rife with thiefs.oppurtunistic

LRDtheFeministDragon · 10/06/2012 18:01

I agree, she was trying to steal it.

She wouldn't have been 'long gone' if she was a thief, btw ... it would be kinda obvious if she'd taken a run up, grabbed it mid-dash and sprinted out the door, wouldn't it?!

Glad you got it back.

nutellaontoast · 10/06/2012 18:01

Obv a thieving cah. I'd be inclined to report to the leisure centre & police as suggested, when they tell you she has form you then make your F apologise!!!

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 10/06/2012 18:06

Did she look the type to nick a handbag? Was she rough? Shifty? If she was then YANBU. If she looked sweet and harmless and of a non-criminal bent then you could have gone a bit easier on her - it may have been a genuine mistake.

DunkyWhorey · 10/06/2012 18:07

Oh don't worry. In situations like this there is adhreniline involved, as its stressful, seconds before you thought your bag had gone missing (which it had!) and that's STRESSFUL. For her, she was having what she thought was "her" (mother's) bag snatched from her. It brings out the worst in people.

I remember in a pub in London once finding my coat had dissapeared. Out of nowhere, from the back of my chair. It was one of those in between seasons where it was sunny in the day but suddenly bitter at night. Some daft selfish bint had just grabbed it to avoid being cold, I think. Didn't care terribly about the coat (market job, just an easily replaceable cheap coat) but it had my monthly travel card in it which had been recently renewed; it would have given me siginficant jip getting home let alone replacing due to tight finances at the time (single girl living in London etc)

Anyway I saw her wearing it and practically ripped it off her back. She didn't protest or make up a story, she shrugged and looked around for another coat to thief

scottishmummy · 10/06/2012 18:08

there's no look not a post it note on head saying thief
if you assume a look or demeanor you're being bit naive

ifeelloved · 10/06/2012 18:11

Her mistake, she should have apologised. I'd be furious with your dad too

manicbmc · 10/06/2012 18:14

HerMaj, are you serious?

LolaThePregnantFlyola · 10/06/2012 18:15

hermajesty thats so naive its laughable

hahaha

Hexenbiest · 10/06/2012 18:16

Only time I've ever had something stolen thief had a 'reason'.

Policeman who returned our stuff obviously didn't buy it but also clearly thought we'd been careless which we had and it went no further.

So I think it may well be a very common way of operating for thief's - have a vaguely possible explanation and brazen it out.

Hexenbiest · 10/06/2012 18:19

scottishmummy
"don't leave your bag unobserved soft play etc are rife with thiefs.oppurtunistic"

Or a deserted field in the back of beyond - not even just once to avoid an argument with person with you - I speak from bitter experience.

Lovecat · 10/06/2012 18:21

some cheeky moo picked up DD's new swimming cozzie while we were in the showers and went to walk off with it - my mate (who I'd left our stuff with) hadn't realised, it was only when I rounded the corner into the main changing area and bumped into her holding it and said (all innocent) 'oh, look DD, you've got a costume just like that!' that she blushed bright tomato and muttered 'I thought no-one wanted it', shoving it at me, that I realised she'd been trying to pinch it!

And she looked perfectly Boden-respectable...:o

AmazingBouncingFerret · 10/06/2012 18:28

I'm sorry but LMFAO at the "did she look sweet and innocent"

She was trying to halfinch it.

Thieves are brazen, they know all about CCTV and the more innocent it looks on camera the better, less chance of conviction if caught.
Thieves don;t dash. They saunter.
They also come in all shapes, sizes, colours and ages.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 10/06/2012 18:29

Sorry meant sweet and harmless..

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 10/06/2012 18:32

Of course I was serious. Thieves look rough and shifty, everyone knows that.

StepOutOfSpring · 10/06/2012 18:36

YANBU. I've heard of this from other people - someone casually picks up their bag as if it is theirs, and walks off with it. If confronted they just drop it or give it back, and I'm sure that's because of possible CCTV or witnesses. And there is no particular "type" who steals bags

Kellamity · 10/06/2012 18:40

I would have been calmer and asked politely if she'd picked up my bag by mistake - and probably lost my bag when she did a runner and left me standing there!!! Well done for getting it back, judging by her reaction and behaviour afterwards she sounds like she was nicking it, I would have been mortified to have picked up someone else's bag by mistaker. YNBU

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 10/06/2012 18:42

I used to live in a very large posh house in the middle of nowhere, the kind of place where no-one locks their front door because there is no-one else around.

I was in the kitchen with a neighbour having coffee. I think I must have had my car on the back drive that day, so it may have looked as though no-one was in from the front of the house. We took our coffee from the kitchen to the sitting room, and on the way we saw A WOMAN WALKING DOWN MY FUCKING HALLWAY as bold as you like! She said (with a big friendly smile on her face) I am lost and I need directions' and then proceeded to come out with some crap about finding a particular road.

She said she'd knocked and called out, but I have two dogs and they didn't hear her, we didn't hear her, and I had one of those massive old fashioned loud doorbells like a proper bell, and she ignored that.....

I was so flabberghasted I didn't actually have a go at her but I did say something like 'you are lucky my dogs didn't find you first' or something, and I was a bit offish with her. But the thing is she looked SO respectable and nice, about 40-odd, quite well spoken, and it completely threw me. She didn't fit my mental profile of an opportunistic burglar.

NarkedRaspberry · 10/06/2012 18:43

Thief. Her rection was probably designed to stop you reporting her before she could leave.

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 10/06/2012 18:45

So, my point being, I had a crisis of confidence in what my head said was happening and my heart said could not be the case. I learnt a lesson that day.

NarkedRaspberry · 10/06/2012 18:45

Reaction

tittytittyhanghang · 10/06/2012 18:54

I dont know, i think YAB a little U. This could have been a genuine mistake and you were really rude to the woman. You don't know she was a thief. You could have just as easily asked her politely if she had mistakenly picked your bag up. IMO her motives dont justify your actions.

Proudnscary · 10/06/2012 18:55

Yep she was on the rob.

Well done for collaring her. It would have been even more fabulous if you had shouted: 'This is a citizen's arrest!' and wrestled her to the floor.

As for apologising, meh we Brits tend to err on the side of manners even when the victim of crime, I wouldn't be too worried about that or think badly of your DF.

glitterstar88 · 10/06/2012 19:01

HerMaj - should never go on looks.
I was walking past mothercare once when the alarms went off, sales assistant came rushing out and started walking up to me (young mum, was looking quite rough.that day with two kids in tow, rushing back to car before ticket ran out), i nodded to her to a smartly dressed woman pushing a bugaboo with a coat laid over the top.

She stopped that woman, when the coat was lifted there was a stack of stolen toys underneath it!

I do find i am the sort to attract sercurity officers when out but would never risk stealing, its just wrong!

And no OP YANBU, you should not of had to say sorry!

Itsgottabebags · 10/06/2012 19:31

Was it a fancy bag OP?

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