to wish he would just DO something?

[Kveta]

FIL (who is a lovely man, and not in anyway nasty or malicious or the usual in-law stuff) is over for a week to help out with DS in case I go into labour.

The idea was, he would come over for a holiday (he is from overseas, speaks no english) and in between day trips, would help out a bit with cooking and cleaning. nothing major, just maybe a meal or two over a week long trip, like I do when we visit him.

However, he is just sitting all the time. He sits at the table, staring into space, or doing crosswords, or staring at me. He has not cooked at all, as he is scared of our hob. This is fair enough. However, he also hasn't done any washing up, instead watching me (or DH) do it, whilst I stand a mile away from the sink due to absurd bump. After the meals I prepare, he sits and waits for us to clear the table round him.

This evening, as he is leaving in a couple of days, we asked if he would like to help bath DS and read him a bed time story. 'Oh no, I won't do that'. So instead he is sitting at the table staring into space whilst I write this, DH gets DS to sleep, and I will do the washing up in a minute.

It seems odd to me, as when we visit him, we muck in, I insist on cooking at least once whilst over there, and we help with washing up as much as possible. He is a good cook btw, and loves cooking, hence me going on about it :o

(I should say, he has looked after DS for the afternoon once this week when I had to go in to hospital for monitoring, so was invaluable then. But we got home and all he had done was watch youtube videos and walk round the garden with DS, hadn't got him the dinner we'd left on the side, or changed his nappy, or got him down for a nap - all things he'd said he would do. DS was knackered, but unharmed, which was more important than anything else - we were very grateful!)

I am now overdue and deeply pissy about everything btw, but I am sick of the staring, and the lumpen inability to do ANYTHING except sit. and stare. and sit a bit more. And I want my house back. I want to watch trashy television without him needing translations, I want to dance around to stupid music to try and encourage baby out, without staring. I want to have my bathroom back, without the obnoxious fumes several times a day.

I think he is as keen to go home on sunday as we are for him to go now :(

I am being a bitch, aren't I? :(

My FIL comes to stay, interferes, criticizes BFing and gets under my feet. He can't cook or wash up and it drives me insane. I'm not even pregnant. Try not to beat him to death...

YANBU

It just sucks! Nobody is being unreasonable really!

He obviously feels inhibited or useless or in the way or something...through no fault of your own or his, probably ...he just does!

Did he know he was coming over to help out or did he think it was just a holiday?

Personally I couldn't stay with someone and not help out, but maybe he needed it explained to him beforehand?

God, it just sounds shite!
I feel for you.
What does DH think about this? Personally, I'd give him your laptop (have you got one?) and a stack of DVDs in his language to keep him entertained so you can watch DIYSOS in private.
I think some people just freeze in other peoples houses.

But the staring...the staring would just drive me loopy!

My DSD is arriving tomorrow evening with my DM. I have been slaving over the dinner for them since I got back from work nearly 5 hours ago. But I know that he will simply eat it, put his knife and fork together and wait for us to remove his plate and wash it up and pour him more wine and he will - not - say - a - word.

In fact, the only time he will be at all animated is when we're trying to get DS off to sleep, at which time he will
Clump round the house in his high heeled brogues
Make HA! noises at every single advert on the TV
Go the toilet and slam the door
Sniff. Like this: sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiifffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffAH!

I wouldn't have him in the house when I was overdue, I knew I would end up lumping him one!

(He's a very nice man by the way, just an utterly appalling, draining, horrible house guest)

Sorry, that was also meant to say:

So I feel your pain and no, YANBU!

he said he wanted to help, but who knows. I don't speak enough of his language to say 'HELP ME WASH UP FFS', and DH is busy with DS.

DH is slowly going mad :o

the staring is the thing which makes me go postal tbh. He stayed with us for christmas a few years back, and we were at my parents house, so I got a load of DVDs in his language, and he refused to watch any, but just sat in the corner of the room staring fixedly at a point on the carpet. I spent a lot of time biting my lip!!

Can you speak his language? cant be much fun for him TBH

What language is it? MN translation services in French and Italian here if you want to know how to say, do the fucking washing up...

Jumping not very well, I can get by in it. I do feel for him, it must be shit having a DIL who you can't communicate with. DH says I should be glad though, as his dad can go on a bit :o But yes, it is crap for him.

Mrs not french or italian, but thanks :o

Can you get your DH to ask him outright how you can both help with the carpet staring? Personally I would be able to cope with that kind of shite for about half a day before having to start making snide comments.

You are a saint. (in lieu of a halo)

he has obviously been reading MN and knows he cant under any circumstances take any interest in any of you

Yanbu. God my ill dad lives with us so I understand exactly that frustration and wanting your own space. Like just now, I've been waiting all day to watch ee; it's the only time I sit down infront of the telly, and he came downstairs and is sat on the sofa watching the fucking news, whilst I'm here on my phone. He's normally asleep by now :(.

Just read my comment and I sound like a bitch. Must mention I get woken up a few times a night to help him and bf a baby too, so a bit crabby right now.

1950s DH just says to leave him, he's happy - admittedly my nan is much the same, but she is 98 and stone deaf - FIL is only 65 and used to be an active person, who had interests, but seems to have given up over the past few years. We got him a subscription to Nat Geog for christmas one year and he said not to bother again as he doesn't want to read. Sigh.

rainy you absolutely do NOT sound like a bitch, I think you sound lovely tbh. have a and hope you can catch up on iplayer :)

I agree, Rainy, you sound like you have a lot on your plate and deserve to vent here.

Kveta - that seems so sad. 65 isn't even a little bit old anymore. I wonder if you couldn't get DH to say that he has to help out or be less skulky a bit more. Or wouldn't he do that?