wish Id stuck up for the other mum aibu?

[minesapintofwine]

Since Ive become a mum I feel as if strangers are often scrutinising. Though I try to ignore the feeling and relax in the knowledge that I am doing the best I can Im sure that many are thinking hmm..would do this that the other instead. Am I the only one that feels this way? Im quite laid back really so just get on with it but yesterday my feelings were proven.

I was in a cheapy a shop and there was a young ds maybe about 5 years old with a nasty barking cough. I wondered the circumstances what was wrong was he unwell/asthmatic/allergic/simply swallowed 'the wrong way'. There were two ladies witches in there and one turned to the other and said 'thats a nasty cough' the other said loudly and judgementally 'yes he should be at home not being dragged around the shops!!!'. I was so mad as it backed up all my feelings and the ds's mum was lovely obviously cared for him the way she spoke to him. I really wish Id said something like not to assume they know the circumstances. Dont know why but really wanted to slap them instead just gave them an icy look before dh dragged me out of shop.

AIBU? Do you think they were right to say what they said? or am I just being sensitive cos of the way I feel?

awww I hate that, I think I hate it because it reminds me that you, me, everyone of us must be bitched about regarding our parenting at one time or another.

I think if you had said anything, it would DEFINITELY have brought her attention that the women were bitching commenting on her.

Well they were wrong to be passive aggressive. If they thought it they should either keep it to themselves or say it to the mother. I must admit when I hear a nasty cough that thought does spring to mind. But I would never say it because I'd remember that I actually don't know the circumstances.

Your icy look would have no effect on them. They won't know why you were doing that. Say something next time, if you feel strongly.

No yanbu-this happens all the time. Usually the judgemental ones are not parents themselves so should really mind their own business & keep their opinions to themselves.
Don't feel bad about not saying anything though as not many people have the confidence to do so-I would but I'm a gobshite

Sometimes they were parents a while ago and have forgotten. Rose-coloured spectacles are very powerful.

You get used to people like that. some folk love to judge but you learn to just ignore ignore ignore.

On the other hand I removed my son from bedide The boy who coughed all over their lunch at a group yesterday and another little girls too. Hacking phlegm everywhere .

Its not nice to hear people speaking like that though.

YANBU I feel the same and would've done the same then chastised myself after like you are doing! Hopefully she didn't hear. The child could have cystic fibrosis or something else non-contagious or as you say he might've swallowed wrong. Why should he stay at home!!

They were wrong to say what they did, but they weren't wrong for thinking it. Of course the cough could have just been something like a drink going down the wrong way, but it could have been something contagious, in which case they would have been right.

They should have kept quiet and moved away if they were worried.

My honest opinion is, it's not a biggie, maybe he was really sick and shouldn't be out, or maybe they were just judgey horrible women, I wouldn't dwell on it though.

YANBU. Coughs can often sound much worse than they are. DS1 had one for months and despite going to see the GP several times (each time being made to feel like I was wasting their time), it was confirmed he didn't have an infection.

The same could be the same for this child. When is his mother supposed to shop for food? Should she keep him inside for weeks on end? Do we all have to run our lives to suit every old biddy on the street, who thinks they can comment despite knowing bugger all about the actual situation?

I've noticed this too. I wonder if people are like it in other countries.

I was once sitting beside a woman in shopping centre and a toddler started having a tantrum because she had to come off the Peppa Pig ride, the woman started ranting on and on saying "isn't that disgusting, they are never told NO these days, it's just embarrassing"..i said "not really, she is 2, that's what they do, then they grow out of it" and walked off..I doubt I changed the woman's mind though, she probably just thought I was another too soft parent.

I must have either been totally oblivious or self absorbed but I never noticed this behavior from other people. Nor would I have cared.
Take no notice.

Rather than an icy look to them, I'd give a twinkly eyed smiley look to the mum.

Slightly off topic, but I was walking to the tube this other morning and a woman said to her bf, "Why do people walk so slowly to the tube?" in an annoyed and making a point sort of way.

I wish I'd challenged her. I am having a hip replacement next week, and am walking more slowly than I'd like to.

She irritated me.

Old ladies say a lot of things i think you just felt for the mum and people picking on her it isnt worth saying anything an icey stare or a TUT usually gets the message across,

sounds like something my nan would say. & if i ever hear my nan say anything like that i tend to put her in place. ;)

poor girl. she might have been a lone parent and have no choice but to take the child out with her.

YANBU - Usually the judgemental ones are either crap mothers themselves or have no children. I am getting used to it after 3 years of looks and comments. The good news is that there is light at the end of the tunnel - my DS1 is quite sweet most of the time now and gets loads of positive comments. DS2 is still quite wild.

My parenting skills have been called into question by others at times, sometimes I think they have a point (my DCs can be quite feral) other times I am tempted to say "I defy you to do a better job".

Only once have I risen to the bait and that was with my mother when I told her that she had had her go and had screwed it up so it was my turn now.

tbh maybe they were right

i often see fb statuses of oh little jemima is soooo ill today, i cant take her to school

then a couple of hours later there are photos of them traipsing round the shopping mall looking at dresses!