bridesmaid at asian weddings, where they arent quite such a big deal

[LadySybil]

My cousin is getting married soon. When I got married, she was my bridesmaid at my Mehndi, not the actual wedding, as we didnt really do bridesmaids at the time. Still dont really. What it meant at the time, was that she got to dress up as a little bride, she was 8 years old at the time, and chuffed to bits about it all.
I know that my 9 year old dd would absolutely LOVE to be a bridesmaid, more so as she is growing up in the uk where being one actually means a bit more than it does in the part of the world I'm from. I wont be attending the wedding as I cant get leave, but dsis is, and she could potentially take dd abroad.

Is it reasonable of me to present this as a possibility to the bride, or should i just not say anything? what is the mn consensus?

I am familiar with Asian weddings and one thing that points out like a sore thumb is that you're not close to this cousin at all!! In Asian weddings everyone who is family is expected to just rally around taking part without being pushed / invited by brides family. Cousins are a big part of thr wedding without a say, but that is only if you.are close. If there is no relationship there to the extent that you can't ask her then I wouldn't bother! And weddings are a really stressful time for everyone - you don't want your daughter being forgotten in the wedding rush.

Im not being nasty - I'm reacting, as a matter of fact, to a quite incredible suggestion (to me).

Your post was not clear as to who was to look after DD. however, I still think it is entirely inappropriate for you to ask for your DD to be a bridesmaid whether it is the bride, your sister or any other wedding guest who looks after her.

I have no advice to the OP. I do not know enough about the relevant cultural traditions.

However, to the people who think that LadySybil is trying to get the bride to look after her daughter, note that it would be LadySybil's cousin getting married, but her sister babysitting.

thank you chazs. We are a big family too. I am one of 50 cousins as well, but there are no other girls except for a two year old. For some reason, we have had only boys except for a 2 year old niece and dd after the bride.

I will just leave it. Might mention the possibilty of dd going, but will steer clear of the bridesmaid conversation. :)

shiny I'm not saying that it isn't a matter of trust for everyone else (I am not North African) I am simply saying that in cultures where the extended family is the norm rather than the nuclear family I don't think people would necessarily regard the OP sending her DD (with the OP's sister) as "dumping" her child on other people as parts of the family do send their children to stay with other parts of the family.

YABU

I've never heard of anyone asking if their child can be a bridesmaid!!

op if you really want your daughter to go then yes, why not send her with your sister (not the bride) but you simply have no right to be annoyed that your dd isn't a bridesmaid and I think it would be bad form to suggest it and risk making the bride feel guilty or causing them to change their wedding plans to accommodate your wishes.

LadySybil, I am a bit confused about your message. Like you said yourself, asian weddings do not have bridesmaids. What role exactly is it that you want your dd to play?
If it is just dressing up and having mehndi, then anyone in the bridal party can do that, asian wedding in general are very inclusive and not particularly formal.
Just send you dd with your sister, don't see what there is to discuss or ask about really

Lady, you've reiterated "it is an honour" several times - just who is the honour bestowed upon; your dd or (I have a horrible feeling) the happy couple?

Just why do you feel this way? You also say she would be welcomed far more alone than if you all went . I think you are vastly over estimating your importance in the whole affair, actually. Back off and don't ask.