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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel nervous of travelling abroad as a multi-racial family?

56 replies

SufferingSaffy · 08/06/2012 13:46

Just wanted to say I've never been abroad so I think it's fear of the unknown as much as anything.

I'm (white) thinking of going on our first holiday abroad (somewhere in Europe, most likely Spain or Cyprus) next Summer with my black husband and mixed race DCs.

Am I worrying over nothing?

Is it any more likely we would be confronted with racism any more than at home?

Would we be best to stick with touristy areas?

Sorry to be a bit wet. If it was just me and DH I probably wouldn't be as worried but with our young children it's becoming a big worry in my head.

OP posts:
snuffaluffagus · 09/06/2012 08:39

You'll be fine.

My husband was racially abused in the street about two weeks ago in Poland (he's of Indian descent) but we've always been fine in the rest of Europe including France, Spain, Italy, Greece etc.

Enjoy your holiday and don't worry.

NurseBernard · 09/06/2012 08:43

OP, I think the very best remedy for you and your concerns is to get travelling, and then travelling some more. Wink

Chill.

baboos · 09/06/2012 09:04

We are a mixed race family (me white, DH is black, two mixed race boys).

We too have travelled all over the world for pleasure, and have never encountered any problems. However I once had to go to Warsaw on business and DH came with me... he got some monkey chants directed at him, but only in the non tourist area's. He did get stared at a lot though. He's quite laid back so found it quite funny, I on the other hand didn't.

As DH says, Racism exsists all over the world... it's just that in some places people are more obvious about it!

bettybat · 09/06/2012 10:25

I don't think there's any need for the - ffs, not this again! I'm white, I experience a level of white privilege - meaning, I don't ever have to even think of these things, or worrying about them. But I would not dismiss someone elses fears or worries about it!

My husband is mixed race. He has been called the N word in Spain when walking down a country road by two crying little boys who pointed at him, called him the name and appeared frightened of my DH. Their mothers hurriedly ushered them away - where did those little boys learn that kind of behaviour and word from?

In France some lads shouted racist abuse - we were in Paris.

In Cyprus, we went with his father, who is black - neither of them picked up on anything.

I'm white and blonde. In Turkey, I would be literally man-handled by local men repeatedly, who would grab my wrists tightly and pull me into cafes. I hated it, and I'm not likely to go back because of it. It wasn't racism but it was based on looking different.

DH's best friend, a second generation Pole, has a black girlfriend. She went with him once to Poland to visit his family with his mum and dad - they were all uncomfortable at the low level racism directed at the girlfriend.

We live in London - DH has been called a mongrel and spat at.

The point of all these examples is racism exists everywhere. What I have learnt from being with DH is that you are likely to encounter it at some point in your life. These examples show it could be anywhere. Some countries are more inherently racist than others - it's not about Europe or specific European countries though. It's that it is everywhere, including where we live and including a so-called progressive country like the US - a place I for one if I was black would not feel comfortable in!

However - anyone not likely to encounter racism, i.e. white doesn't get to complain about people who are concerned about being on the receiving end of it! You just don't because you will never get what it feels like, and you'll never have to worry about it. I might be with someone who encounters it, I might feel frightened and upset at the very time it is happening - but I still don't get it. It's not directed at me because of some arbitrary value placed on my incidental skin colour and heritage. When we come across it, I tend to follow my DH's lead because he has lived with it his entire life and he knows how to handle it, not me.

OP, excellent advice here on this thread. Live your life with your family, try not to worry. We didn't encounter racism in Cyprus and we did in Spain, but that doesn't mean that you will or won't in either. Enjoy yourself, be with your family with pride, and have a fantastic holiday wherever you go.

EldritchCleavage · 09/06/2012 10:49

Great post bettybat

SufferingSaffy · 09/06/2012 11:25

Yes, great post bettybat. I agree with everything you've put.

And thanks to everybody who can see where I'm coming from but still reassure me. Smile

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