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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

am i being a nag? re dh and dd

27 replies

ishopthereforeiam · 08/06/2012 02:18

DH is an amazing father, very hands on. He feeds dd (18mo) dinner, changes nappies, gets her ready for bed, bathes her etc etc. He adores her to bits (as do I!).

At 18mo dd is really developing her own personality and coming into her own. She has me in stitches saying and doing silly things to make us laugh and is very endearing (obv we think so as her parents!).

Recently DH has started imitating dd's words and behaviours etc. in a cute way (mocking her lopsided walk, her gestures for wanting to be picked up and so on) saying things she says (orses instead of "horses", "nimee" instead of "give me") but it has increased from ocassionally to quite a bit (e.g. when dd's sleeping and just the two of us are up in the evenings). I said a few times I am not dd so talk to her like that rather than me etc and it culminated in a bit of an argument tonight. Now I feel like the wicked witch killing his fun which was not my intention I just found it was getting a bit much? I don't want to be one of those couples that completely loses their own identities and relationships with e/o because of children although I do love dd more than anything and she's a centrepoint of my life!

Mil and Fil also imitate everything dd does - her vocab and are slightly obsessed by her. They say they kiss a photo of her on their phones everyday, and that they frequently talk to eachother using words dd uses when dd is not there. So maybe I am being more sensitive to dh as I find their behaviour very odd for grown adults.

I'm also 7 months pg so maybe being over sensitive?

OP posts:

1950sHousewife · 08/06/2012 02:26

Um, it depends on how much is too much.

We've found many of our kids words and gestures have slipped into daily usage, sometimes they just say things better!
I think as long as he is not saying 'want play 'oses' in bed I think you should possibly lighten up. Equally, as the most intolerant person in the world, this wouldn't bug me but many many other things do, so say something if it really bugs you.
Congrats on the PG!

CrispyCod · 08/06/2012 02:27

Oh dear, if I'm honest I do think you might be a little over sensitive. Sorry!

They grow up so quickly and I think your DH and the grandparents are just making the most of it.

beansmum · 08/06/2012 02:34

That would drive me insane. Honestly, I don't think you're being over sensitive at all.

Original poster

ishopthereforeiam · 08/06/2012 02:35

Lol at "orses" in bed

I do use some of dd's words occasionally too (slip instead of sleep etc) fear I've caused some damage with dh now for saying talk to me like your wife and an adult and not our daughter... time to get him some ?

OP posts:

Original poster

ishopthereforeiam · 08/06/2012 02:36

x post beans - I don't mind it occasionally but just worry it's getting more and more...

OP posts:

1950sHousewife · 08/06/2012 02:43

No, no flowers, you're allowed to express when something is getting out of control.
My husband make 'yummy noises' too much when he eats. I inform him of how irritating it is on a regular basis.
I, of course, am perfect and he has no such complaints.

takingiteasy · 08/06/2012 07:49

Some of ds's words have became part of our vocabulary over the years. We have eat-a-bix for breakfast,

Anyway, I don't really understand the problem so don't know if YABU or not.

diddl · 08/06/2012 08:00

Using the odd word-OK.

Mimicking her-odd imo.

(Unless to demonstrate something she did).

Don´t like the idea of mocking at all.

diddl · 08/06/2012 08:02

Oh & to answer the question-it annoys you & he should stop.

No need for flowers.

Proudnscary · 08/06/2012 08:04

If you think you can damage your relationship by simply pointing out something that annoys you then either your dh is very sensitive or the complete opposite!

I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask him to talk to you like his wife not his daughter! It's cringey and making him less attractive to you.

Of course we all have dc stories and little phrases and words that pass into family lore/speech - that's lovely but if my dh started talking to me in toddler speak I'd be grossed out.

cory · 08/06/2012 08:11

Impossible for us to say what is too much in your family.

I do think it's absolutely normal, though, for children's expressions to become part of the family vocabulary and be used between different members of the family, in the same way as children pick up the quaint sayings of their parents.

In fact, there is good reason to believe that this is how some of the normal adult English words we use everyday have developed. So it's not necessarily a sign that anything is wrong with either your dh or your ILs.

Otoh mimicking a child to make fun of them is not on.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 08/06/2012 08:12

yanbu to find this annoying. Even if he doesn't stop now, he may do when DD gets a little bigger, realises daddy is making fun of her and tells him to stop! Don't know a single small child who will let people make fun of them!

Original poster

ishopthereforeiam · 08/06/2012 10:49

Thanks, to be clear there's no malevolence in the imitation, when I say mocking I mean just copying how she walks (a but penguin like) as he likes it rather than piss taking.

I think it is slightly irritating but maybe seems worse to me as I'm so tired and big now.

I do still find it odd of mil and fil tho as can't imagine my parents or anyone other than a mother / father of a child doing that.

OP posts:

seeker · 08/06/2012 10:55

Well, my dd is 16 now, and everyone in our family still refers to helicopters as airbylockers, spiders as bydies and chicken drumsticks as bum sticks!

bugster · 08/06/2012 11:01

I think it's normal for this to happen, we all find our DCs little words so cute and often do end up using them. However, you do have to be careful it doesn't get out of control. It's nice for the two of you to say them after you DC's in bed in a 'reminising about funny things that happened today' kind of way, but it shouldn't really become your normal way of talking. That's also not good for the DCs, it's better to use normal adult speech when talking to them, it will help their own speech develop much better.

My in-laws are always using the family baby words, ones from our DC and even from the childhoods of my DH and his two siblings. Needless to say they all find it extremely cringeworthy and it drives them nuts.

manicbmc · 08/06/2012 11:01

The odd word is funny. The odd word becoming part of family vocabulary is endearing. Doing it all the time is bizarre and a bit vomity.

I used to talk to mine clearly and repeated back words correctly (not in a 'say it like this way') as a way of modelling how words should sound. At 3, saying 'lellow' instead of 'yellow' is quite sweet for instance. If they are still saying it at 9 it's a bit wtf, unless there are speech and language problems.

hopenglory · 08/06/2012 11:05

Does he call you Mummy when she's not there? a particular pet hate of mine

ToriaPumpkin · 08/06/2012 11:16

The odd word slipping in is fine and endearing. Speaking in baby speak when either speaking with the baby or while the baby is in the room is fine. Speaking in baby speak when the child is not present is fucking irritating (MIL does this, especially if she wants something, and I often want to stab her in the eye).

Original poster

ishopthereforeiam · 08/06/2012 12:21

Lol @ toria and at bumsticks!

Luckily he doesn't refer to me as mummy when she's not around (unless copying the way in which she says it).

With the il my fil also calculated how many days old dd will be when dc to be is born (dh and I hadn't! We just thought it would be around 19 months and fil piped up the other day with 600 days exactly out of nowhere) I just find it odd that they focus almost all of their free time on dd but perhaps them talking to each other in her baby talk isn't as weird as I'd thought , either way not my battle to fight!

Like manic I try to pronounce the word correctly so she learns, but it seems to make me the killjoy!

OP posts:

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 08/06/2012 12:33

He sounds a bit simple....

manicbmc · 08/06/2012 12:38

Stick to your guns OP and one day your dd will say to her GPs 'it's yellow, not lellow' and shame them.

CeliaFate · 08/06/2012 12:38

I would find it intensely irritating, unless it was done in a knowing way with humour.

If he was being serious his chances of sex would decrease significantly. Who'd be turned on by that?

CeliaFate · 08/06/2012 12:40

With the correction thing, I wouldn't.

I always used to do it, it did make me a killjoy.
Ds used to put his "glubs" on his hands if they were cold.

I love to remember things like that now he's 9 (not in front of him of course, he's far too grown up ).

diddl · 08/06/2012 13:22

But even if he´s not making fun of her-maybe it still seems like it to you.

I don´t know-how many times can you imitate someone´s walk because it´s cute?

Does it turn into making fun at some point?

bigTillyMint · 08/06/2012 13:33

DH did that kind of thing when the DC were small. He does all sorts of irritating copying.

He thinks he is being funny.

Like this morning he started shouting "Noah" to DD(12) - he said it was because when he told her (in his irritating, teasing way) to get up, she shouted "Noooo-ahhhh" back at him

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