To be sad about loosing an old and dear friend?

7 replies

language · 07/06/2012 22:34

I have a friend whom I know since 17 years (we met at university), and we were great friends during our studies and in the years after that. Since 6 years, we live in different countries (but not too far away from each other). I always tried to maintain contact with her, as I am very fond of her, but in the last 3-4 years I have the impression that I?m the only one who makes any effort. We are both busy ? we both work and have young children and busy husbands, but I find that it is always possible to find a couple of minutes for a phone call or an email. She forgot my birthday most of the years, but I was always telling myself that she is busy etc. I have sent her a birthday present about a week ago, and did not receive a thank you message from her yet(although I?m telling myself that she lost her mum a month ago, and maybe she?s still under the shock). I?m really sad that my friend doesn?t seem motivated to maintain the contact ? but maybe I should just accept the fact that we have just grown apart and that she might prefer to see friends who live nearby...
Would you continue to maintain contact or just let it go?

OP posts:

AlbertoFrog · 07/06/2012 22:39

Have you considered telling her how sad you are that you seem to be losing contact? That you don't have to be in touch every week but to catch up ever other month or so means a lot to you because of the length of your friendship.

If you feel your friendship is slipping away anyway then you don't have anything to lose by telling her how you feel.

lovebunny · 07/06/2012 22:39

let it go. move on. if she turns up again, be pleasant, no recriminations. life's too short for anything else.

Hassled · 07/06/2012 22:41

She lost her mum a month ago - she's going to be feeling like she's been hit by a train. Of course she's still under the bloody shock. FFS.

If you are very fond of her then now, more than ever before, is the time you need to pick up the phone and tell her you're thinking of her.

LucieMay · 07/06/2012 22:45

If she lost her mum a month ago, the last thing on her mind will be thanking you for a birthday present. Have you contacted her to pass on your condolences and offer her a shoulder to cry on? The hard times make or break friendships, not birthday presents.

Original poster

language · 07/06/2012 22:49

Yes, of course, I called her after her mother died, and also wrote her a card (as I knew her mum)/ Sure, the example of thank you card isn't a good one. I'm really happy to support her, but I'm not sure she really wants it... That is the problem!

OP posts:

aquashiv · 07/06/2012 22:49

If she is grieving she might not be motivated to be a hell of a lot. If she is a friend I would offer to be there for her and show her you are thinking of her.

MsKittyFane · 07/06/2012 23:44

Keep up your side of the friendship. She lost her mum so recently and may not be up to much but I would still give her the benefit of the doubt.

It isn't always for the best though. I kept up a friendshipfor a long time when my 'friend' was going through a rough patch. She told me (after months of silence) that she had thought that she didn't want my friendship any longer, had been avoiding me but had realised that she did want to see me/ talk to me. I had been under the impression that she was so unhappy that she was taking time out to be by herself. When I found out that she had been busy socialising with a different set of friends, had fallen out with them and was therefore back in contact with me, I cut all contact.
Who knows what's going on but stay a good friend yourself until you have a clearer picture about what is going on with her.

Flip