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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I would have to be OFF MY ROCKER to move to Greece right now?

19 replies

MangoHedgehog · 07/06/2012 19:22

My DM and DSD live on a Greek island. They moved out there about 6yrs ago to retire, not long before we had DD1. Although I love my DM, she is quite an overbearing, dominating personality and I am happy that she is there and I am here - esp since I have become a mother myself, because we tend to clash over our different ideas about child-rearing (i.e. she has taken offence that I don't want to emulate her in every single parenting choice but actually want to do it my own way, which is sometimes like hers and sometimes not)

She loves it out there and cannot fathom why I don't want to move my family out there too. I have told her until I'm blue in the face that it's not the kind of lifestyle I particularly want - I like being in the UK, having a city close by, DD likes her school, plus I am lucky enough to have a job I really love, and the job prospects on the island were never great even before the economic crisis.

Also DH's parents live fairly close to us and are getting on a bit, and they utterly adore DD and it would totally crush them to be apart from her. While my DM loves DD, she is not a child person and makes little effort to play with her. DM likes to drink and smoke a lot and I wouldn't trust her to look after DD (not that she has ever shown much interest in doing so anyway).

But she won't stop going on about us moving to Greece! Today she was sending me 3 texts saying how fantastic it would be - she has all sorts of harebrained ideas for how we could earn a living, which is fine and quite sweet except they are all mad unworkable ideas but she seriously thinks they are realistic prospects (i.e. I should 'write porn' - because she read a thing in the DM once about erotic ebooks selling well on Amazon - and DH should go and work in the local library - he doesn't speak Greek but that's just a side issue apparently!)

I know it's lovely and everything that she just wants us out there with her, but it gets on my nerves that she won't ever listen and can't understand why anybody would think differently from her about this issue. To her it's a paradise but to me it's a bit of a backwater, totally isolated from the world at large, and not to mention sliding dangerously close to total economic meltdown.

I just find it really annoying to have to keep repeating myself and saying, 'oh you are sweet to want me in your paradise' when what I really want to say is that I can't imagine anything worse than being co-opted into her life and having to spend the rest of my days in some taverna listening to boring conversations with her boring 'ex pat' buddies who have mostly left the UK because their dinosaur racist views aren't compatible with the rest of mainstream society?

Go on, tell me I'm being unreasonable to be irritated by this!

OP posts:
everlong · 07/06/2012 19:25

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Northernlurker · 07/06/2012 19:26

YANBU to be annoyed. YABU to put up with her going on.

Just say 'Mother, we will NEVER move to Greece, why don't you move back to Blighty and get a lovely job in our local library?' Then refuse to engage in the conversation again.

ItsallGreektome · 07/06/2012 19:39

Having put 2 children though the schooling system and probably moving back to uk in November to escape the 3 child having to go through it I don't blame you.

Not only that you have to factor in the economy here at the moment. I too live in an island (which one are they on?) I started back in work in May and have just been paid only to be told that they will be docking my wages due to a new law that is trying to be passed. Rumours have it it will be 200 euros a month. If you consider I get 900 euros a month for an 8 hour day 7 days a week for 6 months of the year. I am not sure that is a great living standard.

MangoHedgehog · 07/06/2012 19:40

everlong - erm - a couple of years ago I had some short stories published by Black Lace and some other publishers Blush

They hardly paid anything though. DM knows this

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MangoHedgehog · 07/06/2012 19:46

ItsallGreektome awful that they are docking your wage so much! is it a new tax?

They are on Kefalonia btw

The school issue is another one - not that I necessarily mind the idea of DD having to learn a different language (she is already at a Welsh school so is used to picking up a new language on the hop) - but I think the upheaval would be very hard on her. Plus I want her to have lots of choices in life, access to different sports, music lessons etc, whatever she wants to do.

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NiniLegsInTheAir · 07/06/2012 19:59

I love Kefalonia, beautiful place. Many happy holidays there :)

But isn't it still a seasonal island? I.E. shuts up shop in the autumn and after the olive picking goes totally dead - not really an ideal working environment.

Interested to know how its been affected by the crash - I was last out there in 2009 and major building works were going on to pull more tourists in. A shame in my opinion, part of the beauty of the island was that it wasn't as busy as many other Greek islands.

YANBU, but tell her to give it a rest.

everlong · 07/06/2012 20:36

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MangoHedgehog · 07/06/2012 20:46

It is a totally seasonal island. We spent Christmas / New Year there one year and the whole place was dead. It was quite eerie really driving through all those deserted villages.

Think the tourist trade has taken a big hit esp the loss of German tourism. Mum says the island is gearing up for self-sufficiency and a lot of the farmers have started growing different crops so the island can sustain itself if Greece splits up

If Greece leaves the Euro my mother has decided to stay put. I support her decision entirely!

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LaurieFairyCake · 07/06/2012 20:49

If I had money I'd move to Cephalonia - it's just so lovely and providing I had decent satellite tv I'd be as happy as larry.

Hassled · 07/06/2012 20:52

You're going to have to talk to her. A cold hard "this will never happen" sort of talk. Because everytime you laugh it off and tell her she's sweet to care, she hears "Mango wants to come out to Greece and will one day".

everlong · 07/06/2012 20:54

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PeppermintCreams · 07/06/2012 20:58

YANBU. My Inlaws live in Crete for most of the year, and it's a lovely place to visit for a week. I wouldn't want to raise a child there as an expat.

DontmindifIdo · 07/06/2012 21:00

I agree you have to cut it dead - how about "our lives are in the UK until at least DD is out of school, we're just not interested in moving, lovely for holidays though." if you get a 'why not' go with "just doesn't interest us."

MangoHedgehog · 07/06/2012 21:02

We go out and stay with her about once a year. tbh I'm not overly keen on going as last time was a bit of a disaster (DM and DSD not at all nice to my DD, but that's a whole other thread - do not want to expose DD to that kind of atmos again)

Also it's bloody expensive to get to - never any cheap flights - we usually seem to end up spending £800 plus for two adults and a child - which always makes me think 'we could be going on our own lovely family holiday for this money'

Have suggested next time we go out we all meet somewhere else for a change - actually I was thinking Santorini as it looks beautiful. DM quite keen on idea so we'll see

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everlong · 07/06/2012 21:07

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NiniLegsInTheAir · 08/06/2012 08:47

Santorini is beautiful - but I found it VERY touristy when we went in 2010, full of very rich Americans and Italians especially around Oia. No harm in that of course but many of them were very rude and it made trips expensive. Shame to hear it's struggling everlong.

Kefalonia never has cheap flights as the local gov only allow a certain amount in/out every day, to protect to environment, particularly the turtles. :)

A trip to a 'neutral' ground sounds like the way to go then, hopefully it'll avoid any nastiness from your Mum. Hope your DD was ok Sad

everlong · 08/06/2012 08:51

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NiniLegsInTheAir · 08/06/2012 09:01

We stayed in Perissa too! Not as beautiful, but cheaper :). The Bulgarian who ran the bar of our hotel was warning us about the crash on the way (bearing in mind it was 2 years ago). We went in June and Oia/Thira were rammed full of tourists.

Ah memories, would love a Greek holiday this year...

Whatmeworry · 08/06/2012 09:15

YANBU - Great to retire to, but its that "earning a living" thing. She isn't being practical.

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