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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get annoyed about being expected to drive all over the city for family members?

15 replies

CrazyUnderwear · 07/06/2012 19:12

I'm lucky enough to still have my grandma and I love her dearly but she does like to galavant and doesn't seem to realise how stressful it can be driving all over the place in a short space of time. I take her to her doctor once a month which is quite a faffy drive but she doesn't just want to do that - she waits until we're in the car and then tells me she needs to pop to some obscure shop in the worst area of the city to drive down, pop to the postoffice where it is impossible to park, pop to a relatives house but she can't quite remember where they live so could I just drive around an area and hope we recognise the front door .... etc etc.

This week I've been working 13 hour shifts and I am seriously knackered. Today and tomorrow are my days off. Today I have rested. Tomorrow I arranged to take my mum to visit my grandad. Idea was we'd go there, take the kids for dinner and then do a bit of shopping and go home. Well my grandma has got wind of it and has decided she wants to come - so not only do I have to detour to pick her up (which I don't mind) but she wants to travel all over the city to buy some obscure art stuff and one shop inparticular she wants to visit is RIGHT at the other end of the city, in the industrial, dual carriageway, lots of accidents, lots of lorrys and work traffic part which also involves driving through the town centre to get there. I have said no. I'm happy to take her to my grandads with us but I'm not faffing about. I'm sticking to my plan of dinner and shops like I promised the kids. These shifts are killing me and I don't think I'm being unreasonable to want calm, relaxing days off.

So why do I feel guilty? Am I being a cow?

OP posts:

lurkedtoolong · 07/06/2012 19:14

YANBU at all. I think people who don't drive have no idea how tiring/stressful it can be at times.

TheSkiingGardener · 07/06/2012 19:25

YANBU

But I do feel for her, she seems desperate to get out. Could you either take turns in your family to drive her around for a couple of hours a week, or hire a taxi for a couple of hours?

Original poster

CrazyUnderwear · 07/06/2012 19:31

I feel for her too but she just doesn't realise how stressful it is. Especially as I hate driving anyway.

My cousin only works 20 hours a week and lives right opposite her. Can't see why she doesn't take her out more.

OP posts:

WipsGlitter · 07/06/2012 19:32

Yanbu my mum can't drive and seems to think everywhere is five minutes from her house! Picking her up to go to my sisters adds half an hour to the journey.

letseatgrandma · 07/06/2012 19:34

God no-you are not being unreasonable! Has she never driven herself, but been used to being ferried about? I have a few elderly relatives like that who have no idea how much of a pain it is for you to do. Can't your mum take her? Or can your mum at least back you up on this one!?

Original poster

CrazyUnderwear · 07/06/2012 19:37

She has never driven and always says she never would as it looks so stressful!

I just can't be doing with it. I'm back at work Saturday and don't want to faff about all day. My mum doesn't drive either.

OP posts:

slatternlymother · 07/06/2012 19:37

YANBU. My Nan is the same; my Mum used to say that because she's been a pensioner and not working for so long, she's just forgotten how hard it is having a full time job and a family etc.

She's always saying to me and my cousin things like 'you young girls don't half dash about nowadays, but you must have your careers', and things like that; as if we have a choice whether or not to work!

letseatgrandma · 07/06/2012 19:39

She has never driven and always says she never would as it looks so stressful!

Well, there you go!

What did she say when you told her no?

Original poster

CrazyUnderwear · 07/06/2012 19:42

She didn't ask me directly. She told my mum she was going to ask me when we all get in the car tomorrow So I've told my mum I won't be doing it.

Another thing that annoys me a bit is that they seem a bit put out if my DS comes with me as he takes space up in the car!!

OP posts:

MyDaydream · 07/06/2012 19:48

You need to tackle it now, tell her it's drs only or that you'll take her to one place after the drs. I saw my mum spend 10 years running herself into the ground running after my relatives because she would never say no. It started as taking to the supermarket, then suddenly it was a full day she spent running doing whatever then at the end she just had no life of her own. My gran and great gran just got so used to yes that when she said no they guilted her to change her mind.
Give yourself a time frame and don't use your days off. The cousin won't be doing things because she says no.

letseatgrandma · 07/06/2012 19:50

Well, I hope your mum backed you up and told her it's not fair on you??

Where exactly do they want you to leave your DS when you take them on these outinges then??!

I'd be inclined to have a little hissy fit about feeling like an unpaid taxi driver and then have a headache tomorrow ;) Seriously though-if you don't tell anyone it's pissing you off, they won't know and will continue to expect you to do it.

Original poster

CrazyUnderwear · 07/06/2012 20:09

DS is 13 - it makes me laugh because if I leave him home alone to go out with a friend to the cinema or whatever they say he's too young and I'm irresponsible - yet if they're relying on me taking them somewhere and want space in the car they say he's fine home alone He is fine home alone but sometimes he actually wants to come out with me (not often, but occasionally!)

My mum backs me up to me but when my grandmas there she's quite two faced and says I shouldn't mind taking them

OP posts:

DublinMammy · 07/06/2012 20:16

Stick to your guns and have the nice day you planned with your mum, your grandma is welcome to join in but you are not making any detours.... I think that's fair enough.

Ormiriathomimus · 07/06/2012 20:22

No you aren't being a cow! I don't blame you at all. Could everyone in the family chip in to pay for a taxi for a few hours once a week.

She needs to understand that owning and running a car is expensive, and driving it can be stressful. Non-drivers rarely think about that.

ToryLovell · 07/06/2012 21:08

YANBU my Mum has never driven and assumes it is no bother to pop over and take her to xyz. Poor old Dad usually does it but if he has something on that day then it's down to me.

Or for me to pick her prescription up and then take it to chemist and then take meds to her - takes an hour and is about 16 mile trip which in my clapped out old banger costs a fortune. Now she could use the prescription delivery service in her village but she "doesn't like to put the Drs / pharmacist to any trouble"...

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