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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be bothered by my father-in-law's 'joke'

10 replies

StiffyByng · 07/06/2012 11:50

DD is my PiLs' fifth grandchild - she has two older half-siblings and two cousins. She hasn't seen a huge amount of them in the year since she was born although we did go on holiday with them for two weeks last summer, and the other four see a lot more of them. She was quite clingy for a period and on a couple of short meetings she cried when held by them, and was obviously a bit scared by my FiL doing a play growl at her. He now jokes all the time about her being 'scared' of them/him and not liking them. We spent the Bank Holiday weekend with them and by the end of the first day she was obviously quite happy in their company but he didn't drop the joke. He's not a man to let a joke go to be honest. I'm worried that she'll be seen as the 'bad' grandchild and this idea that she doesn't like her grandparents won't be dropped. Obviously right now this isn't much of an issue, but I've noticed for example that my FiL isn't spending any time with her, whereas he's a very hands on grandparent with the others. AIBU to worry that this is setting up a difficult relationship?

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wimblehorse · 07/06/2012 11:55

YABU.
She is one! He is probably more hands on with his older gc because they are more interesting/interactive than a 1 year old.

If he is basing his future lifelong relationship with her on the basis of one bank holiday weekend when she was one, then obviously he is an arse.

redskyatnight · 07/06/2012 11:55

YABU. He was trying to be funny. He was also probably trying to make conversation. It sounds like he is not sure what to do with a baby - which is most likely why he is more hands on with the older ones.

I'm not sure exactly what age she is - but potentially she's at a very clingy age - an age when DC can cry at even frequently seen people.

rainydaysarebad · 07/06/2012 11:56

He may not be hands on because he doesn't want her to start crying again. My nieces were the same with my dad ad he took it personally so never attempted to play with them invade they started crying.

StiffyByng · 07/06/2012 11:56

I should say that she's actually fourth of five - one of her cousins is younger than her, but spends more time with them.

I'd love to be told IABU by the way. It's worrying me.

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rainydaysarebad · 07/06/2012 11:57

INCASE.

StiffyByng · 07/06/2012 11:57

She's moved out of the clingy stage now and was perfectly OK with both her grandparents this weekend. But the jokes about her not liking him didn't stop.

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Petsinmypudenda · 07/06/2012 12:04

Ah my dad is shite with babies but great once they get older - very doting.

Sounds like he was trying to make conversation, maybe to stop it being awkward when she cries at him.

Bluebelly · 07/06/2012 12:07

Yes, can see that the joke would wear very thin for you. I wonder if FiL is needing reassurance. Maybe he continues this joke to cover for the embarrassment of previously frightening your DD.

Perhaps best way to lay the 'joke' to rest is to focus on how successful he is at entertaining her, how much she likes him etc. Make sure he realises that she is not scared, even if it means laying it on a bit thick!

CoffeeDog · 07/06/2012 12:11

Dh dad just dosnt get babies .... he is getting much better now the twins are 3 and can talk amuse themselves for a bit and can tell grandad he is silly ... rarther than run screaming from the room ;)

My dad was the same .... didnt have a clue what to do when presented with a baby / 1yr old / 2 yr old ..... but now spends hours horsey riding and playing pirates with the kids.

He has even been known to allow my 6 yr old DD to do his hair and has taken over the sticking / drawing / painting my mummy use to do with DD (my mummy died a month ago :(

He will get better later on... if he wants too ;) fingers crossed

StiffyByng · 07/06/2012 12:17

Thanks, all. I also think that it's about his insecurity on this one, as the others have all known them a lot better from very young, so having a grandchild who doesn't see him as someone different to most people is new to him. I do sympathise and bluebelly, I think you have a good idea. I will try not to worry. It's just that he's a stuck record type and tends to have very entrenched ideas about things, and big fallings out with family etc., so I have an annoying lurking suspicion that she's somehow been labelled by him, even subconsciously. Also DSD has picked up on the joke, and as she has brain damage and repeats the same things endlessly, I think we'll be hearing a lot about it.

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