To want to go to his works party?

[sweetness86]

What are peoples views on going to your DH work partys? My hubbys works is having a party next month and I want to go. Ok Im pregnant and he said he might not go anyway but if he goes he doesnt know why I want to go.
He's been before on his own and I havent minded but this time I would of liked to have gone but he doesnt seem to want me there.
Spouses are usually invited and other collegues take theirs I dont get why he wouldnt want me there Ive been before and had a good time. He is one of those joker of the pack types of people and he said he doesnt want me giving him daggers if he's off chatting to other people which I wont I know some of his friends from work so its not like I dont know anyone.

I felt like crying earlier and so unwanted I might be pregnant but I still make an effort and like to look nice so I dont think he's embarrassed of me or anything.
Is this a man thing ? am I being over sensitive to this?

PS he doesn't go out much and rarely goes out drinking etc

I will no doubt be shouted down but I too would appreciate an invite to works socials at my DH's work. Since they all pay for themselves anyway. It doesn't seem very "social" otherwise, since he sees the people he works with every day anyway. Friends and family can come along to most of my works socials.

But he is an engineer and I find a lot of engineers quite old fashioned and sexist. I may be harsh but I always suspect its because they all want to be boys together at the works socials.

He is one of those joker of the pack types of people and he said he doesnt want me giving him daggers if he's off chatting to other people which I wont I know some of his friends from work so its not like I dont know anyone

But would you if you didn't know anyone?

It sounds as though he's going to feel torn between socialising and worrying about you getting the hump with him?

We never used to go to each others' work dos. Even though spouses were invited, it was very rare for people to take them. It also ruins the evening to some extent in that instead of having a bit of a laugh with your mates, you're looking after your partner the whole time and it's all a bit awkward.

If you want to get to know his workmates, far better to invite a few round for lunch or something.

Woral I wouldnt get the hump with him like Ive said Ive been before and know his friends quite well so thats not the issue. If I didnt know anyone I may not go as I wouldnt want to be sat on my todd all night.
geegee his work place has men and women work there so its not that.

I just want to know am I being over sensitive to this? I just think as were a couple he should invite me? am I wrong

sasac I see your point my work dont invite spouses but thats their rule and I didnt go on the Xmas one as I was ill.

Im glad I posted it to get another POV

Aw just let him go, thing is it won't be as comfortable with you there, he'll be obliged to look after you and introduce you etc. He might just want to get pissed and have a laugh with them all!

I'm not saying he can't do this with you there, but I can sort of understand where he's coming from. Why don't you get together with some friends that night so you can both have fun

Yes but I'm just wondering why he thinks you might 'give him daggers' if that's not your usual thing to do?

Why would he think that if it's never happened before?

Worrall I ont know Ive only been on one works party with him and maybe he did feel obliged to sit with me but I wouldnt give him daggers I understand he is with his mates etc.
whitewidow thanks for that maybe Im throwing a hissy fit about it just feel like he doesnt want me there which he probably doesn't pissing on his fireworks.
I think I just feel a bit fat ,pregnant and kind of rejected about it :/

Aww I'd let him go and get on with it...especially as you said he doesn't get out much.

You keep mentioning your pregnancy, is everything ok with it?

Aw I didn't think that's the case yano, he probably doesn't even realise how hurt you feel. Do you reckon you'd be feeling this way if you werent pregnant?
Honestly I've took my partner in works parties and stuff but never felt I could act the same, I'm not sure why! That's me being silly I suppose.

Yes everything is ok with my pregnancy I just feel more sensitive when Im pregnant and cant go out like I usually do.
I dont think I would white because he got me a ticket last year and I wasnt even arsed to go I was obviously washing my hair that weekend ;)
I totally get what your saying though you cant act the same. I did bring it up with him and even started crying so not like me and he said Im being silly and he said 'me and you can just go out this month just the two of us I just want a bit of space you know' Im not usually a clingling whiny cow.
I think I just have to not talk about it and get over it.

Why not go out with your friends for a night?

That way you can both have some 'you' time?

I think work situations it can be a bit awkward - in that they're colleagues rather than friends. So although I'd have a few mates at work, there were always a few colleagues I wouldn't want knowing my business. Maybe I'm a bit of a control freak.

But on the whole, I don't think you're being rejected or that he thinks you're fat - bless u!

I think the last works party of mine i went to only three people brought their partners (out of around 50 people). One was a young girl who's bf kept trying to snog her and feel her up in front of the girl's manager. The other two were senior manager's wives who looked rather uncomfortable the whole evening. This was in the City where it was kind of commonplace for our workforce to stand on chairs and cheer when the first person goes to the toilet - all very juvenile.

I wouldn't want to go to my dh's at all. They talk about IT and servers mostly.

I can't imagine for the life of me why you'd want to go to his work do, but I can see why you're hurt that he doesn't want you there.

Having said that, I wouldn't really want my DP at my work do either, not sure why! Fortunately for me, partners aren't invited! :)

Why don't you just get a good film and a nice dinner, and enjoy some time to yourself at home!

I will try and arrange something worral and let him get on with it I dont want to bring it up again as we've just come back off holiday with the kids and had such a great time and lots of quality time together so I should let him have this to himself.
I guess Im just being over sensitive at the moment. I appreciate all of your comments it helps to see things from a new light..

I don't go to dh's work things although he has asked me to go - I would find it incredibly boring and would rather watch paint dry and I have never asked him to come to mine.

I don't take dh to my workdos and he doesn't come to mine. I don't want to feel like I can socialise with collegues as dh doesn't know them and Idon't want to leave him out. So I would end up sitting, keeping him company. I would rather go on the work do and then have a night out with him. DH feels the same.
I would let him have a night out and have another night out together.TBH if you are feeling quite sensitive due to pg, is the night likely to end in an argument? Even though you are saying its ok for him to not spend the night stuck to you, are you likely to feel that way if you end up sat on your own?

Someone I know posted a great idea before.

She said when her DH goes out for a long night out, she really treats herself.

She buys some posh 'buffet' type bits from M&S and other treats, buys herself brand new pyjamas...then has a luxury bubble bath, slips into her new PJs and watches a DVD surrounded by lovely food etc.

I read that a couple of years ago and I can't bloody wait til my DH goes out alone...that's if he ever feckin does!

Prince I dont think we would argue I would probably feel pissed off if he left me all night an didnt sit with me at all but last time he sat with me but we all sat at a table and all his close mates were sitting at the same table so it seemed ok.
I guess your right and Im over reacting about it. I just think 'why doesn't he want me there' but now you've all replied I can see why he wouldn't.

DH & I go to each other's work dos. I'd be a bit put out if he didn't ask....even though I find them fairly awkward affairs. But hey - I guess you're off the hook & get to have a pamper evening or something!

Worrall you should tell him to go out. My DH does go round his friends he is there tonight hence me being on here and Im fine with him going his mates I just thought he would want to take me his work party and couldn't see why he wouldnt want to.
I work for a small company and hate my managers and most of my colleagues are arseholes I hate going to their partys because their all boring haha

Yes I shall have to think up a cunning plan to get him out

Maybe don't think of it ashe doesn't want you there, but he can relax more on his own.
When dh goes on his, me and dd have a girlsnight in. Takeaway,film (last time was Thor - Yum) and cuddles.She is almost 8 and loves it when he isn't here. Although its not as much fun now he works most nights. Novelty has worn off.

Dprince I think your right I always go clingy when Im pregnant Im normal the rest of the time. I cried in the kitchen earlier and said its because your embarrassed of me because Im fat and he just laughed and said no that wasnt it.
He then said he might have a few friends around ours and not go anyway but I dont want him to do that because Im crying know what I mean. Reading it back I sound quite pathetic actually.

I would rather chew my own arm off than go on a work do of DP's.

I drop him off, wish him a good night, zoom home stopping off at the Indian takeaway on way home put the kids in bed, bang PJ's on, and get a bottle of Pinot and relax in front of the tv. My idea of complete bliss!!

I know he works so therefore sees these people all the time, but it is really different. He probably just wants a night off to unwind, have a few, and have a laugh. I know my DP wouldn't drink more than one whilst I was pregnant and would shield me whilst even out shopping he was that worried about something happening. Your DP just probably wants one chance before the baby arrives to have a blow out. Absolutely nothing to do with not wanting you. That is definitely hormones talking.

Make sure you have a pamper night whilst he is out and really go all out. You deserve a blow out too I will happily drink the wine on your behalf