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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is beyond weird, WWYD?

33 replies

AvocadoAndFitch · 06/06/2012 18:22

Met up with a friend from playgroup today and she brought her DH along. I had DS 8 months with me and she had her 10 month old DD. All fine apart from the fact I know her DH from antenatal class with DD1 now 4 1/2 and he seemed determined to not recognize me.

He was at the class with his then partner. We were friendly and I remember his name.

When my friend introduced him by the name I had remembered, he gave a wide eyed oh shit look and was very uncomfortable throughout. He asked first meeting type questions i.e. where we live, what I do etc ( all the stuff he already knows)

When she went to change DD I decided to confirm he was who I thought he was and not a twin etc. Also that he hadn't just forgot me so said ' so do you have any other children's he replied 'yes DD 4 1/2', I commented on antenatal classes and he mention ex p and asked if I still spoke to her. I said no he said thank god for that. and laughed.

When friend returned he started up the first meeting stuff up again.

I'm completely confused about the whole meeting
what the hell is going on? Should I mention to friend that I know her DH from before? Or just go along with the whole I don't know you thing he's doing?

This friend has helped me alot recently so I don't want to distance myself from her, lie or cause conflict.

OP posts:

WhiteWidow · 06/06/2012 18:24

I'd just pretend I didn't know him from Adam.

Magneto · 06/06/2012 18:24

Sounds like he hasn't told your friend he has another child to me, just going from what you have posted.

ThymeLord · 06/06/2012 18:25

Is he trying to keep the existence of his other daughter a secret? That's all I can think

RandomNumbers · 06/06/2012 18:25

I would give him the benefit of misremembering that you had met when he was in a prev relationship, tis kinder, non?

MinnieBar · 06/06/2012 18:26

Yy what Magneto said.

What was his first DW/DP like??

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 06/06/2012 18:26

I would tell your friend you have met him before. Presumably she knows he has another child and may have attended ante natal classes that contained other people, so I don't see what there is to hide.

It is wierd, but he was probably caught off guard by seeing you and had a flashback to a previous life. Just get it all outin the open, no one has done anything that terrible.

Coconutty · 06/06/2012 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 06/06/2012 18:26

I don't think it's that odd that he asked where you live and what you do. If I hadn't seen someone for over 4 years I'm not sure I'd remember stuff like that about them!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 06/06/2012 18:27

Oh how strange.

Can you not casually ask your friend if he has other children because you reckon he's a dead ringer for someone from a previous antenatal class?

Dropdeadfred · 06/06/2012 18:27

I would have had the conversation you had with him But in front of your friend

quoteunquote · 06/06/2012 18:28

or maybe it's a painful situation, that causes a lot of stress when brought up.

do you know anyone else who might of kept in touch with the mother of previous child? you could ask someone neutral what has happened.

monkeymoma · 06/06/2012 18:28

maybe his current partner, though lovely to you, is the jealous type with her partner and doesn't like ex's mentioned?

there's lots of possibilities but not all of them = him being wierd, his new partner might be a bit wierd about it and he doesn't wanna open that can

monkeymoma · 06/06/2012 18:29

or something happened to the child and its a difficult subject..

cheesesarnie · 06/06/2012 18:31

thats my first thought monkey.

id stay out of it, you have no idea why he was like it.

maybe you could ask him?

HildaOgden · 06/06/2012 18:32

I don't think he's trying to hide the existence of the oldest child,if he was he would have denied having one.

I'd say he was caught on the hop,he didn't know if you were still pally with his ex and it just threw him.He didn't know if she had told you the fully gory details of their split or what.He panicked,that's all.We've all said or done things and then thought 'oh shit,why did I react like that,I should have just said been cooler'. (well,I know I have anyway )

starmaker7 · 06/06/2012 18:32

How long has he been with this current partner,if theres not a crossover (ie he was with the other whilst with this one) then it is a little odd,however it could be the split was acrimonious and he doesnt want to mention the ex infront of the new partner ,tbh there could be a few reasons why

Original poster

AvocadoAndFitch · 06/06/2012 18:34

First P was fine, lovely, not overbearing or a quite little mouse. Seemed a well suited couple.

New friend is similar looks/personality wise. Both nice people.

Just very strange thing to do. Talk to me about old life while friend is out of earshot and revert to first meeting when she is there.

I've been conjuring up ideas of double lives, secret undercover spy etc all afternoon.

It's left me feeling guilty because I know something, I don't know what it is but I know something she doesn't, I think, know. I know I'll end up slipping up.

OP posts:

AnyoneforTurps · 06/06/2012 18:35

I doubt it's anything more sinister than him being a bit of an idiot. You caught him off-guard and he panicked by telling a stupid lie (by implication) that you two had never met - a lie that will inevitably be exposed. He sounds more Homer Simpson than Voldemort.

cheesesarnie · 06/06/2012 18:38

so why didnt you ask him why he was behaving oddly?

Coconutty · 06/06/2012 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monkeymoma · 06/06/2012 18:45

"First P was fine, lovely, not overbearing or a quite little mouse. Seemed a well suited couple.

New friend is similar looks/personality wise. Both nice people"

y'cant really tell what people are like within their relationships from the outside

you don't necessarily know something she doesn't, he just didn't want to talk about it on front of her, that's not necessarily the same thing as her not knowing! some topics are off limit though not secret!

AutumnSummers · 06/06/2012 18:46

I'd just tell your friend how you know him and from where. That way he's the one left to anwer any questions instead of trying to get you to play silly games infront of his SO

Nancy66 · 06/06/2012 18:48

No, I don't think it's 'beyond weird' - he clearly just didn't want to be talking about his ex in front of his present partner.

Think you're overreacting

HildaOgden · 06/06/2012 18:49

Maybe he was trying to spare her feelings?If this is her first baby,she might not want to be reminded that he has done it all before...and with another woman?

Just say it to him the next time you see him 'oh by the way,I remembered after we met the other day that actually,we have met before'.

That way it's off your chest and up to him to clear up the situation.

MMMarmite · 06/06/2012 18:49

I can't quite tell from your story, but is it possible he just didn't remember / recognise you? He might have face blindness, or memory problems, and have been desperately trying to place you and work out who you were.

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