To not be sure what to do :S

[sensuallettuce]

Have 3 DC's of my own. Two older ones have different dad to youngest and am with neither of their dads.

A lot of sibling rivalry between eldest and youngest (both boys) fuelled by DS2 getting more materially (and emotionally tbh) from his dad, taken on foreign holidays etc - DS2 (who is 10) fuels this by bragging a little bit about how much he has in his savings account (pays me paltry maintenance ) etc to DD and DS1 and about where he has been with his dad .

I take all three away on holiday but inexpensive camping trips (actually sometime camping abroad!:) ) etc and never during term time (disagree with taking them out of school). Kids are always very grateful and appreciate that I work hard to do this for them.

DS2 dad has asked me if he can take DS2 to Eurodisney just before Xmas taking him out of school for 3 days (originally 5 days) and returning him on Xmas eve.

Don't know what to do as a) am not happy about him taking him out of school b) I will have to deal with the fallout from the other two c) Am not sure what we our doing ourselves yet and having to wait for DS2 to be returned on Xmas eve could limit us slightly BUT I know DS2 would love to go :(

WWYD?

Also DS2 has a younger sibling with his dad who will be taken whether I say yes or no.....

are you sure it will be in term time, not doubting you just i thought kids were off a bit before x-mas eve more than 3 days isn't it ?

He wants to take him for nearly a week but three days of the holiday is in term time.

If your principle is to not take dc out if school term time, I'd stick with that line.

Will also teach ds2 a lesson in having to see his sibling go away to somewhere he'd like to.

It's not as though he misses out on hols generally, you say he goes often with his dad.

Not that i'm suggesting ds2 should be 'punished' for having more, but if you agree to the trip it might give you other probs.

right, i would say no to the going in school time really, because you disagree taking them out of school

but if he changed that i think it would be wrong and unfair on DS to say no because of the other kids, though i do understand why you feel it.

the rubbing the other kids noses in it needs tackling though OP

I wouldn't be happy about him going in term time, but I woudnt stop it at that time of year as he is very unlikely to miss anything educational. I woudo make ex go and ask for permission though, and if it was going to end up being unauthorised, I would say no altogether.

But you can't say no because the other two wont like it and because you might have other plans. This is just part of what comes along with having children by different Fathers, and your son shouldn't miss out on something his Dad wants to do with him because of a choice the adults made.

These situations are really difficult. I would say no based on your objection to term time holidays. I have taken mine away in term time. But if its something you disagree with and don't do I would go with it.
This 'rubbing their nose it' must stop. If he is bring smug, it hurts the others. Its not just the material side of things its the 'my dad can't/ won't do that with us'. It will end with having your dcs having very little relationship imo. The older 2 will be envious that ds2 has a present well off dad.
You need to speak to ds2. He is old enough to understand the hurt he is causing and its not acceptable. That said, is is bragging or just mentioning it? He can't be expected to not mention these things at all. But there is a difference between mentioning and bragging. You obviously feel its the latter and it does need to stop. He isn't a baby that doesn't understand.

I think I cn say no if I have other plans - my OH also has children in opposite ends of the country whochI also have to consider .

I never intended to have kids with two different fathers - that's just the way it ended up.

DS2 dad is always pleading poverty but goes on about 3 foreign holidays a year, wears designer clothes etc and hasn't upped his maintenance in 10 yrs - I am pleased he wants to take him but I feel bad or the other two and obvs the prospect of him missing school.

But feel like Scrooge the Bitch if I say no :(

But you don't have any other plans. You said you didn't know what you would be doing then.

It would be horrible of you to make up plans just to prevent your ds2 from going so that things are easier for the rest of you.

I realise you feel bad for the other two, but I really don't think it's right to base a descision for one child on the other two being unhappy about it. It won't actually hurt them, but your ds2 will probably be very upset at being told he can't go with the other half of his family. His other sibling should get to spend time with him too. If the school will authorise it, you have to let him go, but while telling him that bragging is not on. If the school won't authorise it, that makes it easy and takes the descison out of your hands.

I wasn't having a dig about having children to different Fathers btw, I'm no longer with my children's Father, and if dh had especially wanted to have children that were biologically his as well, I would have had children with different Fathers. I was just pointing out that this is one of those difficult situations that occurs within blended families so the children shouldn't have to miss because of the choices of their parents.

I would let him go, it's a chance in a lifetime.

If his Dad is generous with giving him money (though not maintenance) why don't you let him spend that money on his treats, clothes (within reason) etc.

I would crack down hard on his smugness and I would certainly point out that whilst his Dad treats him to x y z he is lacking in paying maintenance towards his general keep!!! Worth going to the CSA?

I'd let him go

But make sure he knows how lucky he is

Make sure he knows to get your other two a present

Make sure he knows the importance of his siblings & their feelings

I would lethim go too, although I can totally see why you wouldn't want to!!

As their mum, you want your children to lead equal and fair lives but your ds(2) will resent not going. Use the time he's away with his dad to do something fun and inexpensive with the others?

Also let his Dad clear it with the school

Bloody hard for you to have to deal with, but agree you should probably let him go, with the caveat that it's on the basis that he stops with the bragging nonsense. Sit him down (or trap him in a car on a long trip - often a good way to speak to kids, I've found :o) and have a long hard talk about the effect it will have on his siblings and how unfair it is.

If your youngest (ds2) is 10, then the two older ones are going to be old enough to understand that their younger sibling has to be allowed to do things with his own Dad. I'm sure they have the normal perks of being older.

Sounds like a fucking nightmare to me.

Although no way would I let one of my dc go to Disney while the other two missed out, seems even worse at Xmas time for some reason.

I think DS2 is old enough to understand that there are consequences to his actions. I dont think you can stop him going, as its not his fault that you have to factor in so many different families to your plans.

I would however speak to his dad and have an agreement that his attitude has to change, there is no way he should be rewarded for being cruel to his siblings. He needs to be taught that the taunting is not acceptable and if he continues it he will be missing out on future trips.

Hopefully you can get all the adults in his life to be on the same page with this.