To think the Government should not be telling me how I am allowed to look after my baby?

[thezoobmeister]

I'm expecting DC2 in a couple of months and signed up for the NHS new pregnancy emails out of interest. I was expecting it to be pretty neutral and focused on health and safety stuff.

But can't believe how 'nanny state' it is! Telling me exactly where the baby is allowed to sleep (in my bed or in my arms are both banned, apparently) and how to get the baby into a routine (er, what if I don't want to?) Most of it is totally subjective and the patronising, preachy tone is what I'd expect from SWMNBN, not the NHS FGS. Example page here

Why is the government spending my money on this shite unwanted advice rather than, say, doing something about the midwives staffing crisis?

Good grief, talk about reading things that aren't there!!! Nowhere does it ban you from letting the baby sleep in your arms or your bed. It makes suggestions that some mothers may find helpful. If the advice doesn't suit you, ignore it - as you would with all unneeded/unwanted advice .

Am I reading something different to the OP? It's advice. Yr, it says your baby should sleep in the same room as you for 6 months but that is the advice due to SIDS isn't it?

This reminds me of one of those threads where the OP claims someone 'sneered' or 'tutted' at them. Or their MIL rang and 'demanded' to see the baby

You read it and think, I bet they bloody didn't and you just imagined it.

At least here we can actually see the OP is imagining things.

I signed up for information not advice.

This stuff is 'normative' - it sets expectations about the right/normal way to look after your baby by not even mentioning alternative ways of seeing things. They could have said "There is nothing wrong with having no routine or pattern if that doesn't suit you or your baby".

I think it is setting first time parents up for yet more paranoia about 'doing things right' when actually we all know that most things are a matter of opinion.

And actually what I like about MN is that you get lots of different opinions and experiences to choose from ...

... except the chorus of disapproval when hormonal PG women make an arse of themselves on AIBU

My sister in law had a baby last year and lives 200 miles away from her Mum. She had no experience of babies. When it came to weaning, she called me and I gave her some simple ideas to go from and sent her an Annabel Karmel book. She just texted me last week to ask could the baby have mushrooms. She just didn't know, and that's absolutely fine. BUT, some people have no-one they can text or call. Or, those they do know, know nothing and raised their babies on processed foods- she doesn't want that. If she had a computer this website would be great for her just to ask a simple question or check something out. But she doesn't, and so I am delighted that she trusts my judgement to help her make her own.
I wouldn't say it's shit, because mst of it is very true, basic info. But some people just don't have that. Neither did they have the knowledge that we have now regarding smoking round you baby (think 1960s) smoking while pregnant etc, but we are lucky that we have that now. We are also lucky that there is info out there for those who want it- too many people don't want it and end up raising "those" children that have no idea how to behave, and we frown upon them in the street for causing havoc and obtaining ASBOs or whatever. At least now there is a support network to try to prevent that and educate.

**

It was MY breast milk

It contained more alcohol than the vodka

God forbit someone buys you a reGina Fordable book then you'll be upset!!!

They could have said "There is nothing wrong with having no routine or pattern if that doesn't suit you or your baby".

But that would be ridiculous. By that reasoning they might just as well say, "there is nothing wrong with wearing purple pyjamas if blue doesn't suit you or your baby."

Information is not neccessarily factual, it can be anecdotal. And besides, the fact is that routines are very much advised precisely for the purpose of the baby's wellbeing. Duh

This is the same kind of information that was in the book given to me at my booking in appointment in 2010.

We were first time parents and it didn't set us up for yet more paranoia about "doing things right"

It's just advice

I agree with the others, it's advice not rules! And some of it is sound advice. Count yourself lucky to have access to such good advice that you can then choose what to do with.

YABU as loads of people have said. The advice is standard, it mostly correlates with what I was given back in 2007 - nothing is banned as such, just warnings and advice given.

It is sensible to avoid falling asleep on a chair or sofa with your new baby - babies have died through that. The co-sleeping advice is standard as well - it doesn't prohibit it, just tells you when it would be sensible to avoid it.

I think you have completely over-reacted to the information you have read, and once you've started down the over-reactionary route, you have been unable to read any of it sensibly, sadly.

I do think you should take several steps down off your high horse and try to see it as it is given, as information.

"routines are very much advised precisely for the purpose of the baby's wellbeing" - yeah right!

Well, I do think you're being a bit harsh/U, but I do have some sympathy with your criticisms.

When dd was born, I'd had almost no contact with babies previously and didn't have much of a peer group, having recently moved area - and my only two mum-friends were both strict Fordists, which i knew wasn't for me. So I read lots of books.

They all told me to put her down awake to avoid problems later, and only after weeks/months of struggling miserably did I give up on this and accept that it wasn't going to get her to sleep or make me happy. It helped that I found plenty of mners who talked about feeding their babies to sleep. My life was instantly better and eventually (at 7 months or so) she started sleeping through the night, despite me doing it 'wrong'.

So, while I agree with the majority that the advice is, overall, sensible and common-sense, I'd welcome a few more lines saying 'other people do it differently and their babies are fine', 'it's perfectly normal to feed/cuddle babies to sleep' or some such.

Must say though that this is far better than ANY of the books I read - eg books said 'baby will need nursing back to sleep', while this says 'may', which you can't really argue with.

YABU. It's just advice.

OP - how are you going to be able to burp your newborn with that massive chip on your shoulder?

I think you're overreacting slightly.

Okay, you've already got a DC so are already familiar with how to look after a baby and what kind of things to expect.

Most first time parents, who haven't got that experience, find having advice on these things helpful. I didn't find the tone on the sample page patronising or preachy, and the advice was similar to advice I've read in parenting books.
I didn't read it as banning letting the baby sleep in your arms or bed either.

And the pregnancy e-mails are opt-in, so this advice isn't being forced on anyone.

I think your reaction to it is a little strong OP - but actually, I do sort of agree about the blurred lines between it being advice/information. I think there's a danger that official guidelines, when given out without consideration for individual circumstances can have negative consequences - you see it all the time with new mums complaining about health-visitors etc.

But that's true if the information is given online or by a professional who doesn't seem to base their support on individuals but just sticks to a blanket statement on things.

If it's all supposed to be evidence based too it'd be good to see some references to where the evidence for it comes from too - some people won't care, but others will want to find out more.

treadheavily Given that it's info from the nhs, i'd expect it whereever possible to be factual and evidence-based, rather than anecdotal.

I suspect however that there is little real evidence on eg how to help a baby sleep (in contrast with SIDS risk-factors, say, about which much is known) - I guess that's why the tone changes from 'you could do x' in the first sections to 'follow this advice' in the SIDS section.

Personally, I'd welcome semi-explicit statements about what is based on anecdote vs evidence (but i'm obviously unusual here, as it looks like I'm one of the few parents here to have been a bit freaked out by common-sense type advice...)

unimaginativedad oh I don't know, I expect I'll be drunk and smoking a fag while holding the baby - is that OK???

not everyone is as blessed with your intelligence and inate mothering skills OP

I expected evidence-based information too, not 'common sense' and anecdote. Well that makes three of us

Have some faith in your own parenting skills to meet you baby's needs. Iff you had more confidence you wouldn't have reacted so defensively to this information.

You are over-reacting a bit, it is just advice and none of the things you mention (co-sleeping, not using a routine etc) are 'banned'.

They may not be presenting the advice in the best way though, maybe it would be better to say why they're making certain recommendations, and what the evidence is to support them (maybe with a link to the relevant research paper for those who are interested), then parents would be in a better position to decide what to do based on the strength of the evidence.

You'd probably be best off just unsubscribing to the emails if you find them annoying and unhelpful. If there's some way you can give feedback, that might be worth doing if only to make you feel better!