to not want to move (house) because of all the bumsex?

[GoblinPrincess]

Hubby is not happy. Doesn't like our little village. Wants to go back "home" to where we used to live, near all his family again. He really misses social and family life as we are up here on our own.

Our village is not perfect but is clean, fairly crime-free, has good schools and playgroups and we know lots of nice people in the area. Eldest DC has some good friends she's grown up with. dh's home town is a bit rough, crime problems, low aspirctions, features highly on the deprivation scale. Good for hubby being near family but bad for DCs and their chances in life. I want to stay put despite DH's unhappiness.

AIBU? and WWYD? thanks!

sorry, there is no bumsex, just didn't get many replies last time if you're not too pi**ed off, I'd love to hear your thoughts

What about his job? And how old are dc?

aww... i only stopped by for the bumsex...stay in the village... what's good for the children is good for you. let him go...

What were your reasons for moving there in the first place?

I wouldn't move anywhere, if it meant poorer schools for my dc or would disadvantage them in some way. What's best for the kids should come first, imo.

... what, what, bumsex you say? Lube!......

I think you need to weigh up all the implications of this e.g. if you move to the more deprived area, might it affect your DCs chances in life long-term. Your husband should not put his wishes above the needs of the whole family.

Made me look!

Olympia2012, Hubby has a good trade and, due to other circs, had to turn down a good job when we moved up here. He is very sure this company would still want him. DCs are both currently pre-school. And you go, girl, supporting the Olympics!

lovebunny, is the clue in the nickname?

Heath, we moved up here mainly as DH was offered a good job in this area and it's a good region for his trade. We also really wanted to get out of his home town as it was getting a bit claustrophobic.

karma, this is what bothers me though? is it better for the DCs to have good schools or to have grandparents and extended family on hand, rather than 2 hours away?

Thanks all

I wouldn't take "friends DD has grown up with" into account if they are still pre-school, TBH.

smoggii She kissed him passionately as soon as he walked in the door. She was a beautiful woman and she had dressed for the occasion........

Yanbu. Officially, I would sit him down for a long chat about the pros and cons. Realistically I would have a tantrum and say cliched things like "think about the children!"

Yabu for the bum sex thing though. I was just in the same room as attacked by a giant bastarding wasp, and had only just emerged from my cowards den bathroom, looking for something to occupy me while I tried to stop panicking like a wuss my skin from crawling.

(DP sorted the wasp out. He does flying things, I do crawlers)

Is he looking back with rose tinted glasses?

Have you been there long? Sounds like he needs to meet some friends for pints and things in the area.

Two hours is fuck all for family to travel. Your dh needs to get a grip & cut the umbilical cord. Opportunities for your kids are what matters. (I am in a mood tonight-sorry!)

Question: You don't think your DH might have some Rose-tinted Specs on here? Not to mention he is being expecting you and the kids to go through the process of building new relationships whilst hes not prepared to do that where you currently are.

I can't help but feel that even if you did move back that might not help solve your problems.

If your kids are still preschool, then I wonder how long you have been where you are and how realistic he is in thinking he can just pick up his old life where he left off. Did he have those same responsibilities or is he actually longing for his life before having kids?

I think you need to look more closely at whats really causing your DH's unhappiness and whether moving back is the remedy or a route to even more issues.

babylann, uggghhhh!!!!! You do better than me, I can't do crawlers! Had to call DH downstairs for a tarantula slightly larger than normal house spider that crawled out of the clean washing [aaarrgghhh emoticon]

I do hate the crawly ones! I'm just not as scared of them unless they're fast or REALLY big as I am of things which buzz and have no fear, and keep flying past my head and...

Oh I'm going to give myself nightmares. DP couldn't decide if it was a wasp or a hornet, so I went and looked that up too. I'm screwed.

Better for the kids to have friends and some independance UNLESS it will make him completely miserable to stay. And what about YOU?

I do sympathise with your dh, though. I still sob nightly am sad about moving 2 miles down the road in order to get into a better catchment area. But I'm also less sympathetic as I moved away from my family, friends and home in Scotland to hell yummy mummy South London. You really do have to put the dcs first in terms of where you live.

Friends aren't an issue, surely, if your dcs are only in preschool?

I'd send your dh there for a week with the dcs at half-term if possible to show him that living in a town with children is completely different to carefree pre-child urban life.

Sorry only stopped by because I thought you may be my neighbour

Akermanis,

YANBU inless if the viewpoints were reversed you wouldnt understand your own reasons

Portofino, I am completely paralysed by indecision. The last time we went for a visit, PILs babysat and DH and I went and sat in the pub with our mutual friends it was my first night out in ages, our first night out together for aeons and it was brilliant to see our old friends. If we move, that could happen more often and would be so nice for us parents.....but would it be at the expense of our DCs? I don't know

Flashflood, sorry to hear about the sobbing hope you feel happier soon. As for the friends, yes but also they've only ever lived here so it would be taking them away from virtually everything and everyone they've ever known

No necessary - I really just miss our absolutely awesome garden (it had a jungle at the back!) and short commute. But the dcs nursery was barely adequate and their schools would have been dire. Two miles is apparently a different world in London.

Anyway, back to you! :o Would he be happier if you made regular trips back? I know that while I lived in Edinburgh, nights out were fun but didn't occur that often, whereas living down in London, whenever I go back, they are special and we really make an effort. I try to go back at least every other month for a long weekend. Is there a convenient train route there? If you could easily get there without a stressful car journey, you could have a night off with your friends being adults, while the dcs get to their grandparents regularly. And you still get the good schools and idyllic setting.

That was a bit garbled! What I mean is that you should make a visit a regular, non-negotiable event.