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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

camping in the rain with dsc and their over protective mother

48 replies

sleepingflower · 05/06/2012 20:42

This is the first time I have started a thread so a bit scared but need to have a rant!

Me, DP, my DS6, his DS12 and DD14 are due to go camping tomorrow with DP's brother and his family. The weather forecast is dire but we are still planning to go - we have rain macs, wellies and have found lots of indoor things to do. If it is a disaster we can always come home. I am not exactly an outdoorsy sort of person but have always had a great time when I've gone camping even if the weather has been bad.

DP has now gone to collect his DC. Earlier this evening he telephoned to check that they had packed everthing they needed and received an earful from his EXW - she said that DSS really didn't want to go because it was going to be wet and he would be cold and she was worried her children would get colds and be miserable. I think she wanted us to cancel the whole trip even though my DS and DP's brother's family would be let down

So....is she overly neurotic or am I being completely mad in going ahead with this trip??

DSS is a lovely kind lad but imo is completley over indulged by his mum and is rarely enthusiastic about anything unless it involves a tv screen. He is also hugely overweight as he does no exercise and his mum continues to buy him too many edible treats. She also lets him have a day off school for a tiny headache to the extent that she received a warning letter from the LA for his time off school. In short we have very different parenting styles!!

So what do you wise mumsnetters think?

OP posts:

2rebecca · 05/06/2012 22:48

I have been away camping this weekend, but I wouldn't choose to go away camping if it was just in the UK, I wasn't actually travelling to something specific (I'm usually camping because I'm doing something wherever the campsite is not on a "camping trip") and the forecast was for unremitting rain. I'd stay at home in that case. The odd day of rain is fine, a week of cold and rain is miserable. I had my thermals on under my down sleeping bag at the weekend and the weather was generally fine, just cold at night.

notactuallyme · 06/06/2012 00:09

Well I don't think yabu to go. Its prob unfamiliar territory for dss and his mum hence the worries.

notactuallyme · 06/06/2012 00:10

Wrt the weight, no real advice. Dd did get a bit snack happy and I pointed out the probable effects of biscuit binges but she has remained slim. Harder once the weight is there I suspect.

skybluepearl · 06/06/2012 00:15

Go, it will be fun despite the rain. He's 12, he should be running around getting wet and building Bear Gryles like shelters!

animula · 06/06/2012 00:23

We're off camping. My dh's idea - not mine.

It's bloody freezing. Camping in the rain in Britain is for masochistic idiots trying to prove something. I'm with the ex-wife on this. Indeed, i often wonder if dh's insane and incomprehensible mania for faux-hardship leisure activities, pursued (for some bizarre reason) en famille rather than more properly in some furtive, sleazy venue with other similiarly-minded individuals, isn't actually going to cause me to become an ex-wife.

So there you go. Straight difference of opinion.

You like camping. In the rain.

She doesn't.

I think that people who want to go and live in a field, in the wet are freaks who would secretly rather be be doing dirty and painful fetishy things to themselves or have a weird Marie Antoinette ("Oh how jolly! Let's all pretend to be peasants! What a hoot!") streak.

You probably don't.

I'm sure we are all quite reasonable an entitled to our opinions.

Birdsgottafly · 06/06/2012 00:30

How will he get exercise sitting in a tent?

I love camping, or rather the places that we camp in, i started a thread last season asking if i should be making my then 13 year old come with me, the over whelming answer was No.

I haven't made either of my teens come with me this year. He is getting to an age were he should be allowed to choose.

animula · 06/06/2012 00:38

Precisely, birdsgottafly.

They'll be sitting in a tent, occasionally venturing out to eat carbohydrate and fat-dense food in order to a. ward off hypothermia b. to attempt to allay the creeping depression.

Breathing freezing air in and of itself is not, to my knowledge, associated with any weight-loss programme I've ever come across. Though perhaps if they develop pnuemonia they might shed a few pounds.

And the much vaunted "exercise" of camping is mainly a. arguing (not necessarily much good for burning calories but exhausting) and b. a desultory trip in the car to wander around some village/town, dripping in the wet and thronged with miserable, cagouled folk (other "happy campers") all in search of womewhere, anywhere, with indoor heating and a cup of (warm) tea. Oh - and those fatty/calorific foods that can lift the spirits.

All under the eyes of those who live in said village/town - in houses - who watch from indoors and ponder why people want to do this to themselves in the C21st.

halcyondays · 06/06/2012 08:45

I wouldn't want go camping in the rain, can't say I blame her. Maybe the children don't want to go, it doesn't sound like it would be much fun if it rains ll the time.

jubilucket · 06/06/2012 08:54

I have decided not to go camping this week due to the weather, but we don't have hook-up etc and you do.

AmberLeaf · 06/06/2012 09:20

YABU because camping is shit especially in the rain.

YABU also for slagging off the childrens mum.

Also you get a letter about attendance if your child misses a few days you know, my son was absent because he was IN HOSPITAL! And we still got one!

Oh and good luck when your son develops puppy fat before his growth spurt.

TartyMcFarty · 06/06/2012 09:23

OP, sorry to see you're having a bit of a pasting for ... being a stepmother, I suppose. I say that as a mother who has my own lovely DM and DSM.

I think you're perfectly reasonable to be annoyed that DSD's bio DM is trying to call the odds on your camping trip, though I think if he chooses to miss out for himself, just leave him at home.

Growlithe · 06/06/2012 09:32

If you are willing to drag yours and your DPs family on a cold, wet camping trip just so your 6yo DS won't be let down you sound more of an indulgent mother than she does TBH

NonnoMum · 06/06/2012 09:32

Think about it from the child's perspective.

He's trying to please both his mother (who thinks it's not such a good idea to go on a camping trip in miserable weather) but wants to see his dad (whose new partner is all jolly and thinking a few days under canvas playing snap with a blended family of different ages is a brilliant idea) and he doesn't want to let his sister down (who just keeps quiet when people are deciding what's good for her). There is also a 6 year old to deal with (who is OK but let's face it, 6 year olds aren't that much fun when you are 12) and he doesn't know how much privacy he will get changing etc (and he perhaps might be a bit self conscious of his body as he is 12??). There is also the hearty uncle to think about and his kids, his friends at home who are all getting together to play Xbox, the thought that he might not want to leave his mum alone, the worry that all his clothes are going to get completely trashed and muddied and then his mum will have a go (cos money's tight) and the fact that he can see his dad is trying to please everyone but if he makes a fuss then perhaps Dad's new girlfriend will throw a hissy fit and blame him for being 'mollycoddled' (what ever that might mean) and the holiday plans for everyone will fall apart and he will have to deal with everyone's seething resentment and, oh, apart from that life is just humkydory when you are 12 and you're trying to find your place in the world...

Helpful?

limitedperiodonly · 06/06/2012 09:42

Has DP asked them if they want to go or are you all too busy doing what you think is good for them?

GrahamTribe · 06/06/2012 09:50

"So what do you wise mumsnetters think?"

That a 12 year old boy "really didn't want to go" camping in foul weather and that you have somehow twisted that into accusing his mother of wanting to wreck everyone's holiday by saying "I think she wanted us to cancel the whole trip".

I think the 12 year old is not only being perfectly reasonable but that he's old enough to have his opinions seriously taken into account in a family court.

And on a personal note I don't blame the boy at all. Camping is my idea of a nightmare, camping in foul weather my idea of hell.

I think that you're not coming across very nicely.

GrahamTribe · 06/06/2012 09:50

"So what do you wise mumsnetters think?"

I think the 12 year old is not only being perfectly reasonable but that he's old enough to have his opinions seriously taken into account in a family court.

And on a personal note I don't blame the boy at all. Camping is my idea of a nightmare, camping in foul weather my idea of hell.

I think that you're not coming across very nicely.

usualsuspect · 06/06/2012 09:53

Sounds like he doesn't want to go.Let him stay at home with his mum.

Camping in the rain is shit and I like camping.

kickingKcurlyC · 06/06/2012 10:16

(I thought you were all going to go camping together. The ex wife too. That would have been awful.)

NonnoMum · 06/06/2012 10:42

kicking

HecateTrivia · 06/06/2012 11:22

if he really doesn't want to go, let him stay at home with his mum and you go.

Pandemoniaa · 06/06/2012 11:30

There's an old saying about not being able to drag horses to water. The same should go for unwilling campers. Personally, I don't blame your dss. I only ever go camping as part of performing at an event and even then require a bell-tent, little furry rugs and copious supplies of tea and cake.

If I was 12 and facing a week in the damp canvas hell that is the average family camping holiday in the UK then I'd be finding all sorts of excuses to include myself out. So don't blame your dss's mother for his reluctance to join you and don't force him to come along.

halcyondays · 06/06/2012 11:30

She said her son didn't want to go, you "think she wanted to cancel the whole trip" Why would she? It's a bit of a non-issue really, he can stay at home with his mum and the rest if you can still go.

NonnoMum · 06/06/2012 11:40

Yup - don't hold it against him...

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