to think this was a really nasty thing to say?

[dreamofstrawberriesandcream]

I may well be overreacting, but please be nice if i am as I'm very upset.

I am going through a period of real financial difficulty, caused (mainly) through a run of bad luck and also in part probably bad management - I had a really awful year where things at work were just terrible, and I didn't pay asmuch attention to financial matters as I should have. That's about the gist of it.

Anyway, my dad is really struggling financially just now and since I am as well I've decided to sell my house (I own about 50% of it) and give some of the proceeds to him, and some to me. I told him about this and he said (yelled, actually) "so I suppose this is your way of telling me you are moving away and don't want anything to do with your cruel evil father?" All said in a really nasty, sneery sort of tone of voice.

I could not believe it - am I over reacting or was this just evil?

Who said this, your dad?

Is evil.

Sorry.

:(

is this out of character for him? Is he uder a lot of stress? How old is he?

Why are you selling your house? You will only have to pay rent then, won't you?

I don't think it was evil, but it was a bizarre reaction to 'here dad, I'm selling my house and giving you some money!'

Most people would say 'Thanks!'

Are you moving away? Or just to cheaper lodgings elsewhere?

I would be giving him fuck all.

Is there a back story?

Why would he say that otherwise?

So basically you were making him a nice offer and that was his reaction?

I take it there's 'history' between you both?

Don't give him any money. Only sell your house if it is the right thing for you to do FOR YOU in the long term.

Is/was he cruel and evil? He doesn't sound very nice TBH.

That'll be money you'll never get back going to someone who can speak to you like that?
Ummm - let me think..............

Is he very insecure? Scared of being left alone or something like that? Would be interesting to know what he has to say next time, when he's thought about what he said to you.

well......if my dad said that to me it would mean that he felt guilty, insecure, defensive, conflicted between horror at taking money from his daughter and relief at being offered a way out

if it was my dad I would go over with a packet of biscuits and insist that we sit down with a pot of tea and discuss the whole thing sensibly

Hi, so many replies ...

Yes, there's history, it's really long and complicated but he was the one who gave me the deposit for the house (hence I own 50% of it) - I've always been really grateful for that by the way!

Anyway things changed a LOT since then (that was eight years ago) and he's been married to another woman (not my mother) and all in all there have been a lot of financial problems, he's now with another woman and they want to buy a house together but he can't afford to. This is apparently all my fault :(

at the moment I just think he's a twat to be honest

he's afraid of losing you.

and he has a fairly unpleasant personality, perhaps.

So you're not so much Giving Him Money as Paying Back A Loan (am in same boat with parents)

I would get the house on the market, pay back either the original lump sum or 50% of the value (I made my folks get a solicitor to draw up a thing where I repay 50% of the value of the property, but then I obviously have a very different relationship with mine - and the money was their inheritance from my Nan) and use the rest as a deposit on somewhere smaller.

Once the debt is repaid, have a serious think about how positive your relationship is with your Dad and how much contact you want now you're not under a financial obligation...

not quite as it wasn't a loan: it was an inheritance from my mother which he gave to me. I wouldn't be able to buy another property - it's already a very small house (2 bed terrace.)

Same here, repayable if I ever sell... Maybe... If I don't need it to fund better...

Flat? Different area? I would very much like to own my place entirely and I get on well with my folks. I can only imagine what it would be like if we fell out

PS unless you really piss him off, you'll likely get it back again eventually anyway

I wouldn't as he's married to another woman. Flats round here are the same as houses.

If it was an inheritance from your mum I wouldn't give him a penny. Do you think she'd want you to give him her money back when he's remarried and highly abusive towards you?