For feeling that DP is wrecking my/our hobby

[CrazyUnderwear]

I've wanted horse riding lessons for ages. DP has spent the past year or so saying "ooo don't go without me because I want to learn too" yet whenever I mentioned booking lessons, he'd say he couldn't afford it yet.

So I got sick of waiting for him and booked myself a lesson. He immediately decided he COULD afford it and wanted to make it a double private lesson. He said he loved it and wants to continue lessons - yet he says he can only afford half an hour a fortnight!! what the fuck will we learn in half an hour a fortnight?!? What pisses me off more is the fact that on Friday night he had Indian takeaway for tea which cost him £8. Sunday night he ordered pizza for £12 and tonight he's ordered chinese for £20. The riding lesson is only £20!!

AND he's supposed to be on a diet as a trek we're hoping to go on has a weight limit which he exceeds by half a stone.

He's just not willing to put any effort in at all. I'm happy to do this stuff alone yet he whinges that he wants to come too. I want to do it together and get pissed off when he says he can't afford that yet can afford to spend £30+ on takeaways a week.

AIBU to say he either takes the horse riding more serious or just leaves me to enjoy it alone?

YANBU, you should just go as and when you like, if he wants to join you then he can, if not he can stay at home.

just book the lessons that you want and ignore him. You're giving him far too much power here. You don't need his permission or approval so don't present it to him like you think you do. Just book the lessons you want. He can do his once a fortnight. There's no reason on earth you can't do more than that. He can't afford more. I'm failing to see why that means you can only have the same.

Does he really want to ride, or does he just not want you to have something that he doesn't? / you to go somewhere he's not?

Are you happy with him? You sound fairly pissed off.

I think you book your weekly lessons and then he can arrange to join you if he can afford it.

YANBU - if you don't have access to friend's horses for hacking / jumping and advice, you need to be doing at least one hour in a non-private lesson or 30-40 mins private lesson weekly, on a regular basis, to be able to develop your riding skills.

Why not book a full course of lessons (so weekly) for you and tell him he may join you fortnightly? You're not stopping him joining you, he is.

erm you're not getting into that boring thing are you, where you and your partner have to do everything together, otherwise it doesn't get done.

Take it from me - couples like that are very very boring to be around

Book what you want.

If he sorts himself out then super duper but why hang about for Mr Takeaway Man?

I feel sorry for the poor horse that will have to carry him :(

YANBU Book the lessons, if he whines then point out that he could afford it if he stopped all the take aways but don't let him stop you doing what you want to do.

Agree. Why does he get to decide how often YOU go riding? Good job he's just your partner if your ideas on financial management are that different. keep your own finances and just tell him when you are booking lessons and he can join you or not as he wishes. If he prefers take aways fine. If he has been unable to afford it for a year it sounds as though it's not a priority. He sounds a bit controlling. He doesn't want to go enough to stop stuffing himself but doesn't want you to go either.

Why on earth are you even asking this? Of course you should go to lessons without him and if he whinges tell him to cut down on the takeaways and join you before you get so far ahead he'll never catch you up :o

you wont learn anything in half an hour, do what you wanna do and he can join in. dont wait for him to decide!

I'd be more worried about the state of his internal organs eating that much takeaway in a weekend...

But yes YABU for even asking, you do what you want. Don't let him ruin your hobby.

He's a grown up. If he wants to afford one thing then he has to go without something else. It sounds to me like he doesn't want to do it, so just ignore him. It also sounds like he doesn't really want to do this trek either. Be prepared to do it alone.

he's into control. go without him. and be wary, he's probably being controlling in other areas you haven't noticed.

I get mixed messages from him. One minute he's going on and on about horse riding and saying how much he desperately wants to go back - and he's the one that booked the trek. He was nattering ME to sort my work hours out so we could book well in advance - he then went on youtube looking for videos of the trek and sent me links to the place etc, he seemed REALLY keen -

Next minute he's saying he can only afford one half hour session every fortnight as money is tight right now. How the hell can money be tight if he can afford £30 on takeaways every week?

I get the impression he's one of these people that "wants" a lot of things but rarely makes the effort to actually get them. When we first me he told me his main interest in life was travelling. I asked where he'd been - he said he went to Holland for 2 days when he was 19. THATS IT!! how the hell can he have an interest in travelling if he's made no effort to travel in 20 years?

You can't tell me its about money when he can afford endless takeaways and various other non-important stuff.

I probably do sound very angry at him and I am. I can't be doing with "wanters". Life is too short.

His main interest in life was travelling when he'd only been to Holland for 2 days? Isn't that lying or just the most absurd wishful thinking ever?

He sounds like a bit of a dick tbh, sorry.

So you are going n the trek together...

I would suggest sitting down with him and working out a simple plan. For example, you agree to cook and eat healthy meals together between now and the trek to achieve the necessary weight loss, and you also go riding every week. If you don't live together you can still agree to forego the takeaways. Win/win.

If he can't do this, enjoy the trek anyway (assuming you want to go) but then decide whether you want to put up with this man. He'll forever be raising your expectations and then letting you down. He's a dreamer.

Sorry, bitter experience here.

If you're "main interest in life" is something you have only spent 2 days doing then you aren't very interested in life really are you?
OK he could have travelled all over Britain, but that doesn't sound likely either. He sounds like a boring couch potato to me. Fine if you like boring couch potatoes but if you want to go horse treking I'd just get on and book the lessons for you. He can come, or not as he sees fit. I wouldn't be wanting to sort out a meal and diet plan for him, unless you plan to spend your life mummying him.

just stick to your own plan. Don't apologise, just do it once a week, like you planned.

Riding is fab, be careful, my DH got into it and then ended up buying himself a horse!!! Now the hobby has become an obsession :)

what's with all the take away food, that sounds like just a bad habit. How about having a sandwich or fry up a couple of eggs?!