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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be alarmed at "I saw on your facebook..." from MIL?

15 replies

BrittaPerry · 04/06/2012 22:04

As far as I knew, she didn't have facebook and she didn't really get the point of it. The ILs are in their late 60's, fairly up to date, but always seem a bit...well, unbothered by the internet. They have it, but use it for the odd ebay session, email and looking up information.

Anyway, today we were having a lovely meal to celebrate DHs birthday, and out of the blue MIL mentioned that she had seen on my fb that DD had said something - this happened weeks ago!

I have my own parents on there, so it isn't like I am leading a double life or anything, but I am more sweary and political than I am when I am being polite DIL, and I definietly talk about them in a kind of "PIL have taken the kids for the afternoon - I am meant to be doing the housework but I am having a brew and mumsnet for a bit first" style way. Now I am racking my brains to think of stuff I might have said that could have offended her.

I thought my security settings were tighter than that too, but now if I tighten them up it looks like I am trying to exclude her. I shall have to friend her. I don't really mind that too much, but AIBU to be alarmed that she has been reading my posts?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 04/06/2012 22:06

How can she read your posts, is your profile open?

MeconiumHappens · 04/06/2012 22:18

haha dont worry about it, its not like your facebook is covered in pictures of you crawling home drunk on a friday night....is it? Wink

QueenOfPlaguegroup · 04/06/2012 22:22

Has DH used their computer and left his fb logged in? That would explain why they could see stuff the general public shouldn't be able to.

If not you need to check your security settings, because it's daft having fb that can be viewed by everyone, whether PIL or not!

OneWaySystemBlues · 04/06/2012 22:32

You can change your settings so they can't see your posts but they can see other stuff. You can change the settings for individual posts too, so you could screen them out of the ones you don't want them to see. My husband's done that for his parents... In the box that says 'what's on your mind?', click on the friends tab (bottom right) and you can edit it from there.

ellangirl · 04/06/2012 22:44

My FIL, dh's uncle and my mother have all tried to befriend me on facebook, I didn't accept! I use fb for keeping In touch with friends, and i don't feel comfortable with my DH's older relatives in particular being a part of that. Fortunately my mil thinks that Facebook is evil and will suck out the brains of any of anyone who uses it so won't be signing up soon!

mynewpassion · 04/06/2012 22:54

If you can't say what you would say to them in RL, then don't put it on Facebook.

frecklyspeckly · 04/06/2012 22:58

I have a word of caution too to anyone accepting fb requests from family. Spiteful SIL befriended me and then used FB to post awful things about my disabled mum and my dad! i felt absolutely sick when I read what she put. It was even worse cos apart from taking her immediately off friends list there was nothing I could do, and I wouldn't upset my mum by telling her either so I get to sit opposite her at family events etc knowing what she has done. Horrid. Sure you havent offended anyone OP you sound like a nice caring person. Unlike her who is, in fact, a tit.

frecklyspeckly · 04/06/2012 22:59

I mean my SIL and not your MIL!!!!

Original poster
BrittaPerry · 04/06/2012 23:28

It's not so much that I say stuff that I can't say to them, it's more that I just didn't think they could read it, iyswim...

OP posts:
thebody · 04/06/2012 23:37

God freckle how nasty but your sil is really only showing herself up. Can't you give her a bloody good talking to though?

47to31in7days · 04/06/2012 23:40

Got into a nasty argument over the small hours with my cousin twice-removed in Canada over something on my FB which she found offensive (it wasn't intended to be, nor did I think she'd be looking at.)

FB and extended family can be a troublesome mix.

2rebecca · 04/06/2012 23:41

I don't want anyone who isn't a friend reading facebook stuff so if MIL isn't a friend I'd tighten your security settings. It means potential employers can maybe see stuff if she can. You are trying to exclude her, that's the point of facebook privacy settings. I would post nothing for a couple of days and then tighten your security.

Original poster
BrittaPerry · 04/06/2012 23:48

She is a friend, but I talk to her in a completely different way than I talk to, say, my sisters, or my political friends. I don't really mind her reading my fb, but I'm just a bit worried that I might have said something on there that is accidentally offensive because I didn't think she would read it - eg "Home for a bit of peace and quiet!" after being at her house - I don't mean it offensively, but if I knew she might read it I would probably phrase it differently.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 05/06/2012 00:02

I meant "facebook friend" by "friend". You didn't think she had FB so I presume she isn't on your "friend" list. This means strangers (or friends of friends which is the same) can see your stuff and it isn't private.

2rebecca · 05/06/2012 00:04

I wouldn't want older relatives on facebook. Some people have extended older family on there but I don't. It depends what sort of discussions you want to have. Siblings fine, parents, inlaws, aunties not fine.

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