to tell my friend I don't want her to move

[neverknowinglyinterferring]

My friend is planning to move from the South East to Scotland in October.

I don't want her to go, mainly because I'll miss her. But also, I'm not sure it's a good idea.

She has recently split up from her husband. He was a shit. However, she has lots of friends here and her children still see their father every other weekend and one night during the week.

If she moves 500 miles away, it will they won't be able to and I think they might resent her for that (they are 8 & 5).

She also has friends in Scotland but she is not currently working so it's not as if she's relocating for work, has a new partner etc.

I think she's moving to get away from the hurt etc but I think she might regret it.

I know it's none of my business what she does, and I'm not being judgey. Should I tell her my opinion? Or keep quiet?

I might bring it up as she is going to look as schools. Presumably she'll have to tell her ex at some point.

It's been amicable up until now, more or less.

I don't think she's thought through how her DC will think, further than 'they'll adapt'. Her eldest is very close to her Dad and has been very upset by the split.

You said she didn't work? So how can she afford to buy a place?

'The DC won't resent mum for moving'

The eight year old will be leaving the school, the friends and all the familiar places that matter to them. To go to a place where accent alone will be enough to stir up resentment and teasing from some other children. (My dad is a Scot and I go up there a lot)
I've met a fair few pissed off and resentful eight year olds in my job, relocated by a parent who didn't think it would be a problem.
However as the adult, the mother can pretty much do what she likes.

It makes me really sad when parents glibly say 'oh she'll adapt' and 'children are resilient'. Moving that far from your father is going to be a real wrench, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if the children massively resented their mother for doing that. Unfair to the father as well, of course.

Although I did just notice you said he was a shit - maybe so in this case, but they will still love him presumably. It just makes me cross when people come out with this kind of thing generally.

Good point by Olympia2012 - how is she financing this move? How is she financing the new home? Does she rent or own now, and what are her plans for once there? E.g. If she owns now, she may not be able to sell.

She has a lump sum, which she's hoping to allow her to buy a house outright, whereas down here it won't.

So I can see why she wants to do it, from a practical point of view. I just don't think she's thought about her children spending all their time in the car.

I don't believe that she's thought about what's best for her children at all. It seems all about her.

When you say that her ex was a shit, how big a shit are we talking about as that will make a difference. Was he a "regularly used to beat her and the kids black and blue" kind of shit or a "went off with another woman" kind of shit?

The second type, although he wasn't very nice to her before she found out about OW.

A lump sum to buy a house...... But how will she live? A job? Pay the bills etc?

And what is she living off now?

She has maintenance payments, and is looking for a job.

Maintenance which pays all the bills and feeds clothes them all? That must be a lot..... Never heard of that!

I don't know the ins and outs to be honest.

I suspect she also gets benefits at the moment which presumably will stop once the lump sum is finalised.

I haven't really asked.

She has sent me some links to houses today.

I think I might say in a 'I'm going to say this once and then never mention it again' type way, that she really needs to talk it through with kids and her ex before she makes final decision.