to be disappointmented

[GiantUnderCrackers]

We had our jubilee street party today. DH spent most of the day setting up and derigging furniture, tents and standing around the bbq getting to know neighbours and drinking beer. I spent most of the day looking after dd who is 1 and teething, therefore not eating properly and clingy with me. I got to talk to people for 2 hours out of the whole day before having to go home with her. I know she is miserable at the moment and only Mummy will do. But I feel cheated out of the whole day because DH had a social life. I really wanted to make some new friends and have fun rather than be home or at work. Am I being irrational and AIBBU to feel this way?

Damn predictive text! Disappointed should be the title. APOLOGIES.

it can be a bit much, when you see your partner just being able to carry on as usual. Was your DH aware of how hard your day was? Could you not have swapped for a bit?

I remember the first barbeque we went to after I had DS, I spent ages settling him and feeding him, and changing him (you could tell he was my pfb because now I would just latch him on and have a drink) whilst DH got rather drunk, came out of the house to find they had eaten all the food. I was hormonally and disproportionately upset with DH for not thinking of me.

That's kind of how it can be when they are young. Know how you feel though, but will get better. My ds is 2 and although I enjoyed the street party, I had to keep tabs on him.

Also wondering why your DH didnt take over for a bit. Surely he can't have been BBQing all day?!

Disappointmented

Why didn't you just hand DD to her Dad for some of the time?

Surely you just hand her over to dh and say 'your turn for a while'. Some times men just need telling reminding.

Humphrey - they ate all the food? And nobody, particularly DH thought to get you a good plateful? I would have been mightily unimpressed.

I tend to get a bit twitchy when encountering 'men just need to be reminded' (generally, not directed at anyone) I only remind my children about being thoughtful and unselfish. Dh is a grown man and perfectly capable of being thoughtful and using empathy. He'd have thrown a shitter if he'd been on house duty and no-one relieved him so he could have a break, chat and some food/drink in company which is why we have a shift change (because I like to enjoy things too!), or if that isn't appropriate I get deliveries of whatever is on the menu and wander out as and when poorly DC is sleeping and watched over by dad if I can. Sometimes only mum seems to be acceptable, of course (apart from DD who will want to meld into her dad's chest when at all under the weather) but it's just basic thoughtfulness surely to make sure your spouse is alright, fed and watered when they might otherwise not get the chance. Particularly so if it's a special occasion or BBQ etc that doesn't happen everyday.

I don't think yabu to feel aggrieved tbh but I would explain that a bit of thought would have gone a long way and strategy for next time so there is no bad feeling. It does get much easier as they get older but there will always be things like illness that can throw a spanner in the works, making it clear that you appreciate the same benefits that he does and work together to get the best out of the day I think is beneficial to avoid being disappointmented in the future. But if you don't mention things or tell your DH then yabalu, he should be thoughtful and make sure you are ok but if he asks and is told it's all fine while you secretly seethe (not saying you did op but have several martyrs in the family) then it's not unexpected for him to think it's fine, even the most thoughtful people aren't telepathic.

I do know what you mean OP, I promise it will get better.

Yes i remember going to a street barbecue and being pretty much chair bound with a 1 year old. Then going home to do the washing up whilst everyone else was partying. I think it gets a lot better when they start running around and joining in with the other dc. Won't be long.

Didn't mean yes yabu - but yes I know what you mean.

In our family, what would have happened would have been:

we would both have gone to the street party taking dd

if she had been too unhappy to be near the actual partying we would have taken it in turns to stay to one side with her, while the other partner brought us drinks and food

or if only mummy would do, then dh would have been bringing me things, making sure I didn't feel out of it

(actually, no; if only mummy would do, then dh would still have been taking his turn- we used to share childcare and dd just had to put up with not getting the favoured parent at any one time)

You need to work more as a team.

I think you're bloody lucky to have had decent enough weather for a street party. Ours got cancelled
Though we would have been able to sail down the street at one point!
I know what you mean though and no I don't think YABU, I would have felt the same.

It's horrible watching everyone get drunk sometimes and you know you can't join in!! I'm currently EBF DS1 who is 5 weeks, so anymore than a few sips of wine is out for me!!

Having lived in the same house for 20 years, am glad dh is looking forward to the street party today. In the early days he was always more than happy to find an excuse not to go and be embarassed by the dc not behaving perfectly in public stay at home and look after the dc. Am glad we have survived the tough times and are a couple again. Just wish the DC would come but it isn't cool enough.

two hours is plenty as a start for making friends. take them some post-jubilee cakes (not left-overs) and invite them round for coffee. ask dh who he got on with and invite them round with their partners. you've got a head start - use it!

Agree with cory

"(actually, no; if only mummy would do, then dh would still have been taking his turn- we used to share childcare and dd just had to put up with not getting the favoured parent at any one time)"

Which is exactly what your DH needed to be told, Giant. YANBU to feel as you do to a point but you did kind of bring it upon yourself to an extent bt not telling DH that it was his turn to amuse DD. :)

Next time be prepared to do that and to have some fun yourself.

**by, not bt. BT would have been as useless in this situation as they are in any other.

Ah yes, I don't want to give the impression that I think men generally behave like this. At the time I mentioned we were still not at all used to being parents and DH went through a very steep learning curve that night!

Like the rest of you, we tend to take it in turns at such events. Normally the one doing the driving also does the majority of the child care, that way it tends to be fair.