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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

....to be annoyed with DH today?

23 replies

HRHerrena · 03/06/2012 11:29

So last night, he admitted he was going a bit stir crazy and asked if I minded him popping off to the pub for the evening (we have an 11mo DS so couldn't both go). I said I didn't mind, so off he went.

Later on, he called to say he was off to see a random band and would be back 'before midnight, definitely'. I took that with a grain of salt but was glad he'd kept me in the loop.

He eventually stumbled in at around half-past midnight, stumping around making lots of noise and generally being a nuisance. This woke DS up and I had a fun half-hour trying to soothe him back down. Thus began an unpleasant night where I eventually had to move downstairs and sleep on the uncomfortable sofa because DH's flailing arms/legs, v.v.v.loud snoring and random loud whimpering noises (plus duvet theft) all made it impossible to sleep in the same room. I'm 32+5 with PGP, so was not impressed frankly. It didn't help that he snored so loudly that it woke me up downstairs!!

He came downstairs at around 5am when he'd sobered up enough realised I wasn't there and insisted on sleeping on the sofa with me, all the while trying to tell me that 'he could have been a lot worse' Hmm Mercifully DS permitted a lie-in until 7.45 so I did get a bit more sleep.

I now seem to have been stuck with the morning's allotment of childcare while DH sleeps it off on the sofa.... to be fair he has admitted his behaviour wasn't great but he is one of those people who can't be penitent for very long - he will apologise and then come up with loads of reasons why his behaviour wasn't that bad really. I have to keep reminding him that all my previous transgressions (2 years ago?!) don't excuse his current ones!!

So right now DH has gone back to bed, DS is napping (thank you thank you powers that be) and I'm sitting here trying to NOT be in a bad mood for the whole day.

What do you think? AIBU to be annoyed with him?

OP posts:
HRHcatgirl1976 · 03/06/2012 11:31

Tbh -it doesn't sound bad to me, especially if its a rare event, but you are pg so you are entitled to be a bit U

Sparklingbunting · 03/06/2012 11:31

is it a regular occurence?

rhondajean · 03/06/2012 11:32

Is it a one off? Half twelve isn't really that late and while the drunk sleeping things are very very irritating, I'm sure he didn't mean them.

If it was a rare occurrence, I'd tend to be lenient this time.

scuzy · 03/06/2012 11:32

yabu so he had a few drinks! so what!

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2012 11:32

What did he do wrong?

He went out for a drink, had one or two over the top and was home by half twelve.

lalaland3008 · 03/06/2012 11:33

If it's once a month and you are given the same freedom if you chose then it's fine. If it's every week it's wrong imo.

TidyDancer · 03/06/2012 11:34

I don't think it sounds too bad really, unless this is a quite regular occurance.

scuzy · 03/06/2012 11:35

ok was a bit harsh. rather now than when your little one arrives. he even missed you at 5am! dp doesnt even miss me when he is sober! let it go and dont ruin your day being resentful.

puds11 · 03/06/2012 11:35

Nah in the grand scheme of things, not bad at all. He was back at 12.30, which is a respectable time.

HRHerrena · 03/06/2012 11:36

I'm not bothered about the being out, it's the disrupted night's sleep that has wound me up!

In a weird way it annoys me more because he KNOWS he disturbs my night's sleep when he goes out and gets drunk. Maybe I should just ask him to doss on the sofa next time so I don't have to wake up and play mummy ("do you need to be sick? Do you need some water? Shall I help you down the stairs?"

Argh. I know I'm BU really, I just wanted to vent a bit. And no it's not that regular an occurence, maybe once a month. Generally I can't complain about him, he's pretty well-behaved....

OP posts:
ninjasquirrel · 03/06/2012 11:37

It's not terrible behaviour but I think he owes you a little something like childcare while you see a friend for lunch. Pick a treat for yourself rather than being angry.

IAmBooybilee · 03/06/2012 11:37

i would be pissed off that he insisted on sleeping on the sofa with you after you moved to try and actually get some sleep and i would be pissed off he was sleeping it off on the sofa now. why doesn't he go upstairs to sleep?

scuzy · 03/06/2012 11:37

do people not make allowances for how the household will be next day when a parent goes for a few drinks. at the very least they will be tipsy and tired. plan .... get kids a dvd, get brekkie ready or something but work around it besides being all resentful next day. surely us mums get out and have a few at times too!! if you dont let him enjoy a night out here and there he will get resentful of it. let him enjoy it ... and bank them, as in you produce all these nights out once lo is old enough for you to go on a girly night out.

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 03/06/2012 11:37

I reckon when he emerges,say that you'd like a sleep now as you had such a disturbed night,and leave it at that.

Everyone is allowed a bit of downtime now and then,but I can understand you feeling a bit put out after your bad night!

I don't think his behaviour was bad tbh - so long as you get your chances too.

scuzy · 03/06/2012 11:40

besides being pregnant your prob not sleeping well as it is!

iwantbrie · 03/06/2012 11:42

I wouldn't have a problem with DH going out, coming home tipsy etc, however if he wakes me up while trying to be drunkenly quiet he gets it with both barrells and a lot of stomping in & out of the bedroom the next morning. We've just got DC3 sleeping through the night & my sleep is pretty sacred to me at the moment! FWIW I would expect DH to be the me if I rolled in drunk & being loud Grin

ChaoticismyLife · 03/06/2012 11:43

What did he do wrong?

He woke her up. He woke DS up. He kept her awake/disturbed her sleep enough so she had to move to the settee in order to try to get some sleep and then made things worse by trying to sleep on the settee with her.

That's what he did wrong.

OP if it's that he went out then YABU. If it's the above then YANBU

HRHerrena · 03/06/2012 11:43

IAmBooybilee as soon as I'd put DS down for his nap I got a towel and announced to DH that I was going for a shower and that he had better have shifted his arse upstairs by the time I got out. He had complied when I emerged :)

He does go to the pub once a week - it's been established since DS was tiny as he just likes a night off occasionally. Unfortunately my social group is a bit more far-flung and so I don't get a regular night off, but there's usually no quibbles when I do announce I'm off somehwere.

Scuzy you're right, I need to let it go and stop being resentful. Even though I am so very good at it !!

OP posts:
scuzy · 03/06/2012 11:44
Hmm
scuzy · 03/06/2012 11:45

yes you should be proud a skill i wish i had more of. pick your battles. get an afternoon nap (often better than a nights sleep) once he is up. but what is the point in making things worse. besides no reasoning with someone whois hungover.

HRHerrena · 03/06/2012 11:46

I must admit I'm a little sentimental and find it hard to boot DH out of my sleeping area (wherever it might be) when he comes out with the 'but I miss you' line. Part of me goes Hmm but the rest is saying 'awww'.

It's a double futon sofa so wasn't that bad really repeated duvet theft was worse

OP posts:
HRHerrena · 03/06/2012 11:49

Never mind, anyway. I will focus on enjoying the lovely wet Jubilee day and think about the lunch+cakes I will insist on having when we go into town Grin

DH has been told off now anyway so no point going over it again!

OP posts:
Sparklingbunting · 03/06/2012 11:50

Good decision HRH, don't let it ruin your day. Cake is definitely the way to go.Grin

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