Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's about time i got a lie in?

35 replies

harassedandherbug · 03/06/2012 08:11

Ds is 5months and we also have a 5yr old dd. I have had one lie in since ds was born.

I know dh works hard and gets up early, but so do I plus I'm up every night with ds. Unfortunately he's not one of these magic babies I keep reading about on bloody Facebook that sleep through from 1 hour old Hmm.

So, dh is in bed again, and I'm cross because he got grumpy when the kids were n our bed for a cuddle. I haven't taken him a cup of tea and I'm feeling very fed up!

So as not to drip feed: he worked yesterday am, I ran round and got the bits we needed, including ones he asked me to get, and picked up dsd as he was working. I have mastitis, I'm on ab's and not once has he asked how I am. He's out 3-4 evenings a week training which I've always supported. Where has my previously wonderful dh gone?!

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 03/06/2012 08:20

YANBU

Weekend lie-ins should be shared out fairly IMO. Our youngest lies in now too but when he was younger I'd generally have the Saturday lie in and DH the Sunday one. Mastitis is awful, you need to rest, and I would be up in the bedroom telling him that he is going to have to get up as you are ill.

Oh and I always think that those that brag about babies sleeping through so early are lying!

Florabeebaby · 03/06/2012 08:25

I haven't had a lie in in 17 months and 12 days. My DH is self-employed and works mainly nights so his routine of sleep is total opposite to mine and DD.
I'm exhausted but I really don't have a choice as he supports us financially. I'm a SAHM, I just see the early mornings as part of my job. Shit though at times.

Let him know how you feel. Maybe he just doesn't get it without you spelling it out in detail.

Nobhead · 03/06/2012 08:30

I rarely get lie ins (once every few months). We both work (i work one day less than him but get all the errands and housework done on my day "off") DH somehow manages to stay awake longer than me watching films or on twitter and then complains the next day that he is tired and I have had more sleep than him- it's HIS fucking choice to stay up! I get very resentful about it and have discussed it with him and he keeps saying he will get up but then when it comes down to it he is "too shattered" Angry

Original poster
harassedandherbug · 03/06/2012 08:36

Florabee your job looking after the kids is just as important!

I'm going back to work in September hopefully. I doubt I'll get a lie in then either as I'll "only" be part time....

He also does the staying up late thing too.

OP posts:
PurplePidjinghamPalace · 03/06/2012 08:43

There are four days this weekend that he wont be working while you will. Come dawn tomorrow, start prodding him. "it's your turn, and mine's white no sugar and a bit of toast around 8. Thanks, darling"

Fair's fair!

grobagsforever · 03/06/2012 08:46

Your DH is being extremely selfish. I am very Angry for you. Get the arse out of bed now.

Sassyfrassy · 03/06/2012 09:11

Of course you should have a lie in. You should have half of all lie ins. If he has gotten used to it you might have to be quite assertive though.
DH is stay at home dad and we have a 3 year old and a 7 year old. I work full time. All lie ins are shared equally unless someone is ill. The only time they weren't were when the children were little and breastfed and then I got all of the lie ins since I was up in the night a lot.

Tryharder · 03/06/2012 09:18

Some very selfish DHs here. Sad

I never have a lie-in either but I am an early bird by inclination and my DH as a night owl does all the night wakings.

Luckily my kids are night owls as well and are all still in bed now so am having a leisurely breakfast downstairs in peace.

Rabbitee · 03/06/2012 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yawningmonster · 03/06/2012 09:54

I haven't had a lie in for almost 8 years in this respect dh is a complete arse but he is worth having around in other ways. I have decided not to make an issue of it here but if it bothers you then you need to talk to him about it as otherwise you will get increasingly resentful.

Original poster
harassedandherbug · 03/06/2012 09:57

Ha, let's not mention Mothers Day. He totally ruined that for me, huuuuge argument....

He is up now, but in a foul mood. Dd has disappeared to her after he snapped at her for climbing on the beanbag with a v dangerous toy. A balloon. I've told him he's acting like a total twat.

Now he wants dsd to stay an extra night, which is fine but I'd rather not tbh. She sleeps in until gone lunchtime so wastes entire days and we'd already decided to go out tomorrow but he'll cancel that if she stays. And he won't wake her earlier because she "needs her sleep". Unlike me of course!!

Sorry, I'm ranting and venting.......but he is acting like a twat!!!

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 03/06/2012 09:59

YANBU. If he works hard he 'deserves' a lie in, you work hard and YOU deserve a lie in.

You either rotate them, or both go without.

I think he needs a stern, patronising, blunt talking to!

DeterminedandSpecialMum · 03/06/2012 10:00

I understand how you feel. DD2 is 5months old and I do all the night stuff and am up at weekends too. DP doesn't hear DD at night and is an early bird in mornings but doesn't ever think of just getting up and taking DD2 downstairs so I can lay-in. No good moaning about it tho I just get on with it - am shattered.

Bumperlicious · 03/06/2012 10:14

YANBU. Lie-ins should be shared equally. And if you want to go out tomorrow you should go out.

You have mastitis and he hasn't even given you a break? Have you explained to him what it means and how you feel? Tbh with a 5mo bf baby you should be getting all the rest you can. He needs to understand you have a job too.

Bumperlicious · 03/06/2012 10:16

Oh FFS none of you should just be getting on with it. These are your lives too, your homes. If you can get your partners to give you one lousy lie in then I think you have bigger issues.

Goolash · 03/06/2012 10:29

Determined why should you get on with it? Tell him, "don't you think it'd be nice to take DD downstairs so I can have a rest?". If that doesn't work erupt.

JuliaScurr · 03/06/2012 10:33

Obviously you should take turns.
Obviously.
Tell him

Original poster
harassedandherbug · 03/06/2012 10:34

I've left him with the kids while I get a long shower.

He's no idea what mastitis means, but he's got very sore eyes from hayfever...

He used to be wonderful and everything was v equal. I think he's got into the mindset that I'm home all day doing nothing when he's out grafting.

OP posts:
Bumperlicious · 03/06/2012 10:46

Well you need to explain to him instead of just getting on with it. Having a shower isn't a break, it is a necessity & doesn't preclude you having a proper break. If you let him get away with this and don't explain to him then he will think it is ok.

DeterminedandSpecialMum · 03/06/2012 10:53

I completely understand and normally I would say so as I'm no pushover but he's working 7 days a week practically at the moment so feel I should take on all the nights and early mornings at the moment. If I want to go out, that is no problem and to be fair to him, he did tell me to sleep this morning but left DD2 on our bed as she was sleeping at the time - he brought her in to have a feed.

DeterminedandSpecialMum · 03/06/2012 10:55

Harrassing Leave him with the DC for the day and he'll soon understand. Will DC take EBM via bottle?

I did this last Saturday, went to Windsor for a good friends hen do and when I got home about 10:30pm he was shattered - said its hard being mum for the day and he completely agreed Smile

clam · 03/06/2012 11:09

WHY are there so many women out there who let their husbands get away with this shit?

Rabbitee · 03/06/2012 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhNoMyFanjo · 03/06/2012 11:19

If she stays and you won't be going out then you can have a lie in tomorrow. Stop taking this shit.

JubileeTatWearer · 03/06/2012 11:22

harassed my DH sounds like yours. My DH simply cannot function without 8 hours' sleep, but also does the staying-up-late thing and has to get up early for work. I am a SAHM also doing night feeds for baby DC2.

Last weekend I let him have both the lie-ins as he was ill. But this weekend, whilst he's still unwell, I'm sick too. So this morning I made him get up with the DCs. I only got about half an hour extra as the DCs were shrieking so loudly, but it helped a bit.

As a friend once said to me, they won't really "get it" unless they have the DCs solo for a few days, including nights, and experience the tiredness first-hand. It's easy to muddle through a few hours in the daytime being "fun daddy" and making a mess which your wife then cleans up and then getting some uninterrupted sleep.

Mastitis is horrid, I had it with DC1, you poor thing.