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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said no to my mum...?

79 replies

headfairy · 02/06/2012 22:49

She wanted to take ds up to see the pageant on the Thames tomorrow, either I'd go with thm and take dd too or she goes on her own just with ds. I said no. I know it's a once in a life time spectacle but it's going to be horrendously busy and rainy.

Ds is exhausted, for the past week he's been begging to not go to preschool as he's so tired, tonight he desperately wanted to stay up to see his grandfather who he only sees once a year, so I let him stay up til 9 tonight, which means he'll be pretty tired tomorrow.

So was I wrong to say no to my mum? She's going on her own and I feel bad she'll be on her own, but I just think ds will struggle. He's 4 btw.

OP posts:
DressDownFriday · 02/06/2012 22:53

How did she take your refusal?

I thought it wasn't until the afternoon, so he could have had a lie in, in the morning.

Like you say, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity and it's a shame for him to miss it. Surely she would be aware of the weather and crowds.

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2012 23:00

Aww let him go for goodness sake!

Kids have more energy than we give them credit for at times and he won't dissolve in the rain.

thatisall · 02/06/2012 23:00

Im going, I'll meet up with your Mum! lol.

Can you not call her and say you'll see how ds is tomorrow?

I hear the weather forecast has become a little better BTW.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 02/06/2012 23:01

He'll be fine and I think he should go too!

AgentZigzag · 02/06/2012 23:01

I'm sure your mum will know how to spoil sort a four year old out if he does turn out to be tired.

If you've said he might be tired to her, let her make the choice over whether she can cope with him?

Does he want to go? Is it the kind of thing he'll be interested in?

Original poster
headfairy · 02/06/2012 23:02

To be honest she sounded a bit down, her other two grandchildren are away this weekend and I think she's missing indulging someone this weekend. That's what's making me feel bad. Dh says I'm being silly and I'm not responsible for keeping her happy (but then he would, he's not close to his family. Guilt is not something he's well acquainted with). If he went I think I'd go with them and take dd too. But it's another day of high excitement and exhausting activities. His behaviour has been pretty bad today because he's so tired. But it is a once in a lifetime thing... Argh!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/06/2012 23:04

To put it into perspective it's just a trip into London and a long stand at the side of the Thames.

I'm sure he'll let your Mum know when he's had enough.

squeakytoy · 02/06/2012 23:04

It is going to be horrendous weather (it is lashing it down right now in London), and it will also be heaving with people... BUT as you say it is a once in a lifetime thing too...

I really considered going myself, but as much as I would like to see it, I hate the thought of so many crowds, and I would say at 4, he isnt going to see much other than the legs of adults around him.

Original poster
headfairy · 02/06/2012 23:05

I've explained to him what's happening tomorrow on the river and he hasn't said he'd like to go. To be honest I'm not entirely sure he even understands what 1000 boats will look like.

I can't really call my mum now, I'm sure she'll be asleep. I might see what time ds wakes up tomorrow and call her in the morning.

The other side of the issue is that dh isnt keen on going and would probably stay here, do we lose a day together as a family (I'm working on Monday).

OP posts:
takingiteasy · 02/06/2012 23:06

Let him go and enjoy some peace!

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2012 23:07

You'll have plenty of other days as a family if your DH chooses not to go.

Squeaky the sky is clear here, I can see the moon Shock

Original poster
headfairy · 02/06/2012 23:07

Squeakytoy, I know I'll end up having to carry him on my shoulders all day so he can see. It's been chucking it down here too (East Surrey). Tomorrow's forecast is meant to be lighter rain but we'll definitely get wet at some stage.

OP posts:
Original poster
headfairy · 02/06/2012 23:08

Worra, you make it sound like such a fun packed day Hmm Grin

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 02/06/2012 23:09

I am in east surrey too... no moon here!! lol!

AgentZigzag · 02/06/2012 23:09

When you say your DH said you're not responsible keeping her happy, are you talking about letting your DS go when she's asked, or is that about how you think your DS might play up for her?

If you're being guilted into letting him go when you don't want him to, that's a bit different. It says there might be a backstory to your mum putting pressure on you to do what she says?

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2012 23:10

Personally I'll have my feet up, watching it on TV Grin

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 02/06/2012 23:11

Get your macs on!

Suzietastic · 02/06/2012 23:12

Let him go!

Original poster
headfairy · 02/06/2012 23:14

AgentZigzag... No I think my dh meant that it wasn't my fault that my mum had envisaged a lovely day by the river with ds, and now she's going to be in her own. But I can't help feeling I've kind of ruined it for her. She'd not mentioned going up there before today so she's kind of sprung it on me when I was in the middle of cooking for my in laws today so my immediate reaction was no, but now I'm wavering...

OP posts:
LittleLucifer · 02/06/2012 23:15

Could he go to hers for a couple of hours - they could have a Jubilee tea & watch the boats on the tv? Or invite her over to yours? She sounds lonely so why not give her some options. And it may well give you a break too if he's being a bit of a handful.

Disclaimer: I know the above ideas sound a bit crap in comparison to actually going along!

AgentZigzag · 02/06/2012 23:18

Awww, well if it's just that and it was sprung on you, there's nothing wrong with reconsidering Smile

If you're OK with it.

It'll be nice for them both to have a day out together.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 02/06/2012 23:18

Is it the boats she wants to see or is it The Queen?

If she is more bothered about seeing the Queen (like me) then she could take ds on Tuesday when he has had a chance for a couple of quieter days.

bonkersLFDT20 · 02/06/2012 23:21

She can take my 3 year old if she wants!

Original poster
headfairy · 02/06/2012 23:27

My dad can't walk the sort of distances involved so he wouldn't go with her which is why she would be on her own. For some reason that's making me feel really sad. I'm torn between her and dh, who I know really doesn't want to go.

I'm not sure she's that fussed about seeing the queen, I think it's the spectacle of so many boats.

OP posts:
NarkedRaspberry · 02/06/2012 23:28

It depends on the child - you know your DS. Some children would zonk out overnight, sleep late and be fine tomorrow. Some children would be awake at exactly the same time as usual and spend the day being grumpy and over emotional due to overtiredness.

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