to expect a goodbye and thank you when friends leave (esp from sleepover?)

[ErnesttheBavarian]

Tht's it really.

Ds (12) had a friend over last night. I cooked for him, cleared up after him, made his bed, let him have a lie in. I woke them up at 11.30, he got up, ate a bowl of cereal then just pissed off without a word (I was cleaning upstairs). He did however go out into the garden to say goodbye to my other dc, but no goodbye or thank you to me.

Is this normal? Bad manners piss me off.

Yes, bad manners. He's old enough to know (or to have been told) that you find the hostess and say thank you!

Maybe you scare him

Would your DS not have said something when it was obvious that his friend was going to leave with acknowledging you? They both need to mind their manners.

He's generally a nice boy and I'm nice to him, honest. My ds & he are often round each others' houses.

I told my ds that I also expected better of him and if he is bad mannered he won't be able to have friends stay over.

YANBU.

I could have written that OP myself!

DS(13) had his friend to stay last night. He's a really nice friendly boy and was no trouble at all.

But when he was leaving, I helped him out the door with his stuff and said goodbye and he just said "See ya".

I did say to my DS that he and his brother seem to be the only kids around with any manners lately...they tend to shyly say thank you and will even repeat it louder if the parents haven't heard.

But there you go.

YANBU

I had a friend like that when I was about 12. She would never say thank you to my parents after a sleepover or getting a lift home. I used to cringe with embarrassment because I knew my parents would be annoyed and tell me so. But I couldn't bear to bring it up with said friend, she was one of the cool kids and my srlf esteem was so wonderful I didn't want to rock the boat

My eldest was shameless and used to say "My Mum just gave you something, aren't you going to say thank you?"

snotty little git

I'm a stickler for manners too but I can understand that a 12 yo boy might just be too shy or too self conscious to go and find someone on his own to say thank you.

If its a one off and the boy is generally polite I would cut him some slack in this situation.

he's generally a nice boy, as are all of dc friends, but actually it's not a one off, it's every single time, with every single kid. None of them say goodbye, except one, and none of them say thank you. Either after they've been round to play, scoffing iced lollies, jumping on the trampoline and watching my tv. that's fine, and actually I'm glad my friends have kids over, but none of them say goodie or thank you. ever.

So, do I rush to the door and tell them to say gb & ty next time, or do I just put up with it.

I'm happy to ban sleepovers, but I don't want them to not bring friends round. Don't want to be scary mum either. Ggggrrrrrrr

Perhaps he didn't want to disturb you in case you were busy?

I prefer my DC's friends that have manners and I think I form an opinion on them based on this (which is maybe wrong)

If it bothers you enough to consider banning sleepovers, why no just tell your child to remind his mates to say goodbye/thank you?

Worra, I really hope my two grow up with that much self-confidence!!!

For me, getting a thank you (at that age) is not the be all and end all, although it's nice when it happens. I'm sure the kid isn't intending to be rude, especially as you say he's a nice boy. For me the fact that he gets on well with your son, and your son had a good time - those are the main things. The friend may have forgotten; he may have felt awkward seeking you out to say thank you; saying please and thank you might not be so imprinted on his mind, that he says them automatically.

Don't get me wrong. I would always hope that my children say please and thank you, and would prompt them to do so if I was there and they hadn't. I just wouldn't let it overshadow the fact that your son and his friend presumably enjoyed the sleepover. Plus, there was always the option that your son could have made up for his friend's lack of thanks by thanking you on behalf of both of them for your efforts.

I always prompt my kids' friends. "think you just forget your manners" lol

Just a loud and cheery 'Your welcome!' as they leave the door should do the trick

Some of my friends' young children are sent to kiss me goodbye. Slobbery and horrible. I am longing for the day they just bugger off

I'd be alarmed if I got a slobbery kiss of him