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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think she'll give it up when she's ready

24 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 02/06/2012 11:50

My DD2 is 3, when she tiny we almost forced a dummy on her. Reason being that we had DS1 and DS2 who had dummies and gave them up easily, followed by DD1 and DS3 who didn't want a dummy and sucked their thumb (DD1 still does) and both need a brace as a result. Now DD2 is 3 and gets distraught at the idea of getting rid of the dummy. She only has it at bed time or when she is desperately tirred (eg. in the car) so she's not runing round the street with it in her mouth. AIBU to just leave her a bit longer before making a big scene over it.

OP posts:

Shesparkles · 02/06/2012 11:56

YANBU at all, maybe nearer Christmas you could plant the idea of Santa needing dummies for new babies and she could hang it on the tree to be "collected" ?
FWIW as a former thumb sucker who needed braces,you definitely did right in giving a dummy rather than letting her sucker thumb-you can't take a thumb away!

TidyDancer · 02/06/2012 11:59

I wouldn't leave it until Christmas, that's quite a long time.

There will be split opinions on this, but I think she's old enough to be ceasing use of a dummy, definitely.

I am pro-dummy btw, but you will get a lot of opinions from people who are anti-dummy.

Mrsjay · 02/06/2012 12:02

Yanbu DD1 had a dummy until she was 4 I swear i thought she was going to school with it she just had it for bedtime and she was fine with that ,she is grown up now but if i remember right i swapped the dummy for a toy Rabbit just after her 4th Birthday ,

Original poster

Ithinkitsjustme · 02/06/2012 12:05

We tried the Santa collecting it last year (nearly 3 then ) and she got so distraught that she wouldn't go to see him or want him to come to the house at all, no matter how many presents she was promised until we told her she could keep a bit longer. That's what we did with the older boys and they were fine with it, just not sure whether to harden my heart and really distress her (which it will) or leave her a bit longer. Is it really so awful, it's not as if anyone sees her with it, really.

OP posts:

dexterthecat · 02/06/2012 12:24

DS1 also had a dummy until he was 4 but again only at bedtime (btw he was/is the best sleeper ever so had no problem with it to be honest). He used to keep his stash under his pillow! I had tried to discuss it with him with a view to getting it to stop but he would get really distressed and to be honest it didn't seem worth the upset.

Anyway one day he couldn't find any of them. There was a bit of a mild panic (from me as well as him!!!) but we searched high and low and couldn't find a single one. He went to bed with his stash of teddies, slept soundly and the dummy was never mentioned again (he's now 12 and there have been no issues with braces/speech development etc etc).

His younger brother steadfastly refused to have anything to do with a dummy and has always been an awful sleeper.

Sarcalogos · 02/06/2012 12:29

If its only at bedtime now, surely it will get less and less over time. I wouldn't distress her over it now, maybe try and change her attitude to it over time, comments like 'beautiful baby dd with her dummy', or 'did you know now X is a big boy he doesn't have a dummy' may get her to change her mind on her own.

I'm generally anti dummy, but I don't see the point in upsetting her over it, it's not as though she has it in her mouth all day and isn't speaking.

Original poster

Ithinkitsjustme · 02/06/2012 12:29

What really sparked the question off was that last weekend we couldn't find the dummy and she WOULDN'T go to bed without it. We ended up turing teh house upside down for 2 hours, as she kept getting up again in tears, and she has always just gone to bed and slept all night. I can't decide whether I shoudl buy some more (in case of situations like that) ot make her give up and upset her. If I'm going for the latter I need to do it this week, as she won't get enough sleep to cope with pre-school until she gets used to it.

OP posts:

IloveJudgeJudy · 02/06/2012 12:31

I would go with getting her to give it up. Perhaps you could see this situation as a help for you. She is getting older now. Having a dummy can affect your teeth so it would be good for her to give it up.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 02/06/2012 12:44

Nope - leave her to it for now. She obviously wants the comfort.

If you were saying "I still breastfeed my 3 year old at night" people would be supporting you in droves.

Far rather a dummy than sucking her thumb, tbh.

MaryPoppinsBag · 02/06/2012 12:44

I told my DS (3) that the fairies had taken them for the new babies, and that as he was a big boy he didn't need them any more.
I had already talked to him about not needing them any more and I couldn't find any of them one night and couldn't be bothered to hunt high and low.
He accepted it slept well and wouldn't entertain them (when he found one under my bed) as they were for babies.

My other son was a similar age and rejected replacement dummies due to a slight design change. We had told him the others were in the bin. And didn't backtrack.

The thing to do is to take them away a mean it. At 3 (and my two had just turned 3) they are capable of understanding and coping without them.

However, DS2 is a moaner and I miss being able to plug the noise!

BertieBotts · 02/06/2012 12:47

I'd just leave it. Don't buy any more though, she'll wear it out eventually.

fedupofnamechanging · 02/06/2012 13:04

My dd is 4 and will not give up the dummy at bed time. I have taken to letting her fall asleep with it, then carefully taking it out of her mouth, so she is not sucking it for too long. I am worried about tooth damage but equally, I don't want her to be distressed at bed time and would like her to fall asleep happy.

I really want her to give it up now, but think it would be cruel to force the issue before she is ready.

Watching this thread with interest.

Mrsjay · 02/06/2012 13:05

I have to agree with not buying any new dummies if you want them to give up , so if it bursts then thats it no more ,

Megatron · 02/06/2012 13:19

Our DD had a letter from th dummy fairy enclosing a sparkly bag asking her to put her dummy in the bag for a tiny baby and hang it on the fairy tree in the back garden. :-) She was very excited about this and the fairy even left her a wee present in the dummys place. sounds a right palaver I know but it worked for DD.

dexterthecat · 02/06/2012 13:31

In view of what you've said Ithink I would let her carry on. As I said with my 4 year old DS once her realised there were no dummies in the house and there was nothing I could do to to rectify the situation he went to bed with his teddy instead. It sounds like your DD isn't ready yet and I genuinely can't see the problem as long as she's not walking round with them during the day preventing her speaking properly.

Original poster

Ithinkitsjustme · 02/06/2012 13:44

Thank You Dexter, that's my gut feeling but my parents are always going on about it and I wanted to know what people on here thought

OP posts:

RandomMess · 02/06/2012 13:49

My youngest is nearly 7 and still won't give her dummy up but after 2 thumb suckers who have been through torture to give up thumb sucking I'm not stressing.

If I take it away she sucks her thumb instead - determined is the word I guess

LeoniPoni · 02/06/2012 13:49

A friend of mines 4 year old still had a dummy coming up to starting school and unlike your DD had it with her throughout the day.

As it was approaching time for her to start school my friend's Gran started to tell her DD stories about when little girls grow up their dummies taste disgusting! And as soon as that happens they are old enough to choose a special brand new dress.

After a couple of weeks of telling this story over and over my friend's Gran painted all the dummies in the anti-nail biting formula while her DD slept. When she woke up and tasted it she got all excited and said "I'm a big girl now! I get a new dress!" and she chucked them in the bin herself!

It worked for my friend but perhaps it would be different as your DD is a bit younger, it might be more distressing than exciting!

MapofTassie · 02/06/2012 13:51

DS2 'lost' his dummy in the garden the afternoon of his 18-month injections. One minute he had it, the next he had an apple in his mouth.
I told him that a mother bird saw it in the garden and took it for her baby bird who couldn't sleep. We had a bit of an unsettled evening, but he hasn't looked for it or wanted it since then!

HeadfirstForHalos · 02/06/2012 14:23

I think Christmas would be a good time. Lots of distractions, blame it on the fat man etc. It's only 6 ish months away, not a long time in the grand scheme of things.

But, if you really want rid, I think she is old enough to just go cold turkey now, and as you say this would be the ideal week with no nursery.

DD2 was still having a bedtime bottle at 2 1/2 and we just "disappeared" all the bottles. She was told the bottle fairy needed them for little babies who hadn't got any. She took it quite well, although she was muttering things about the "naughty bottle fairy" for months afterwards

Just do what you are happy with, it isn't stuck in her mouth 24/7 so isn't affecting her speech, and it isn't anything to do with anybody else really!

simperingsally · 02/06/2012 17:29

YANBU.
Im in the same boat dd will be 3 this month and nly uses her dunny for bed and then she only has it in her mouth for 20-30 mins until it falls out.
So I'm not going to try anything till christmas when i'll try the santa thing.

Its really up to you if you feel she's ready to understand it all.

NeedlesCuties · 02/06/2012 19:43

YANBU.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 02/06/2012 19:45

LeoniPoni that's a fab story. Must remember that!

LeoniPoni · 02/06/2012 19:53

KenDodd I'll tell my friend to pass on your compliments to her Gran! Some people just have a knack for creative parenting don't they? I just steal superior parent's tricks!

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