to think that baby DD shouldn't have people who resent her at her christening?

[MrsHuxtable]

To cut a long story short, a couple of years ago I fell out with my cousin after she had behaved appallingly towards me. Tbh, she had been looking down on me my whole life but since her mum always did the same and my mum never did anything about it when I was little, I just accepted the status quo and thought they were right, that I wasn't as good as them. In fact, my cousin used to be one of my best friends.
The huge fall-out came after my cousin had stayed with us for a holiday and DH took her aside on the way to the airport to tell her that he would no longer accept her treatment of me and that she wasn't welcome in our home anymore until she apologized for how she behaved during her stay.
Now, the woman is in her mid thirties so you'd think that this is her issue and has nothing to do with her mum (but then her mum who's almost 70! still does all her laundry by hand! and cooks her a 3 course meal everyday) but my aunt took it personally so now she hates my DH as well. Fair enough.

Earlier this year, our DD was born and while both my cousin and aunt got over themselves and send me a card and gift, the cards were very obviously only addressed to me, not aknowledging DH in the slightest. Also fair enough.
But now my mum keeps telling me about snide remarks my aunt and cousin are making about my DD. I don't know what exactly they are saying as my mum is notoriously bad for repeating stories iykwim and I have to prise information out of her. I think they are jeaolus. DD is my granny's first great grandchild and since she has bad dementia, she will be the only one that granny consciously gets to meet in a few weeks and so she carries around a few pictures of DD and proudly talks about her. It's lovely.

We live in the UK but I'm from abroad and while I go home for a few weeks in the summer DD will be christened. My mum insists on my aunt and cousin being invited and since I'm also inviting my dad's siblings I only thought it was right. But last night my mum admitted that my aunt and cousin had again said something snippy about DD, DH and me at a recent family gathering and I'm now starting to think that no, actually, why should DD have someone at her christening who openly dislikes her. I mean, who dislikes a baby ffs? The other thing is that my mum never protected me from my aunt's attutide of being superior which lead to huge issues of feeling inferior for me and I want to shield my DD from that. I want to make a stand, be a parent and say that only people who care about this baby whould be part of her christening.

Am I being unreasonable?

What GrahamTribe said.

It's entirely up to you and your DH, OP, bot your mother, and it doesn't sound as if your aunt and cousin are at all sorry.

OP, please don't worry about your aunt's approval of you and your DH as lovely parents. You already sound much nicer and more thoughtful than she is!

Im wondering if your mums previous behaviour of treating you as though you are inferior is now extending to trying to come between you and other family members as a way of "keeping you in your place". Due to her own insecurity or whatnot.

I wouldn't invite them.

Would your dh invite them if he k we what had been said?

I don't mean to be drip-feeding but part of the issue might be that my parents are divorced and not on good terms, well, my mum has been bitter and aggressive for the last 30 years and my dad doesn't care. He neither likes nor dislikes her. He just can't be bothered with her anymore.

So if we were to have a christening with the lovely people that care about DD, well they would mostly be from my dad's family side, his 2 sisters with their husbands, my 3 half-sisters with partners. From my mum's side, there would only be my granny and my own godmother. My best friend will also attend.

I think she sees this as a snub of her family but what can I say, they are toxic, the whole bunch of them!

Maybe I should say the christening will only be for my parents and sisters. And then, it's not like I can stop my dad's sisters from turning up at the church. It's a public service.

I don't think DH would want them there, no! But then he is the bigger person so will probably not say that he doesn't want them there as to not put me in an awkward position.

Talk to the vicar about it all. Ask him for Christian guidance. And have a pray too - see what God thinks.

If your mum's brother isn't coming, why does she want her sister there?

Tell em & your Mum that they are more than welcome to come once they've apologised, your wonderful husband's words still stand. Stand by your man and your self-respect.

It's the celebration of a new generation and that means stopping the cycle of toxicity with the new arrival or your grandkids will still be suffering. Family members only get away with this crap cos everyone enables them - stop enabling the Aunt & cousin's toxicity. They sound like a pair of bullies - disengage from their games.

Your hubby sounds brilliant and your Mum's issues with her siblings are NOT your problem, she's had a lifetime to resolve them & hasn't, no need for you to subject everyone else & your child to this nonsense.

With them there you'll be on eggshells, without them you 'll have a lovely time & so will everyone else. The event isn't about them, it's about your daughter.

YANBU - fuck 'em. If your dh has felt the need to pull them on stuff before then they must be awful tbh. Bin them - you don't need people like that.

I think if they are blanking your DH, then they have no right to be at the christening. Retract you invite. Phone them and tell them that as they have been so nasty over the years to you all, you don't think it's appropriate that they attend the christening. Unles they want to appoligise that is.

Also tackle you mum. Why isn't she standing up for you? Why is she passing on comments?

I recon they are all jelous of you by the way.

I was forced by my mother to invite my sister to my wedding. I wish I'd said no. Say no.