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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for not letting the kids outside

22 replies

themaltbycrew · 01/06/2012 22:26

I live in a terraced street, and am very close (in proximity) to my neighbours. I have made friends with my neighbours (left) and had an empty house right.
My left side (ls) neighbours have annoyed my neigbour across the road on no less than 6 occasions.

the Neighbour over the road (o.t.r) has a very dodgy reputation (drugs, violence, etc) and the police are called regularly.

A couple of days ago the police arrived at o.t.r's house asking for him.. (ls) neighbour said he was in as he had seen him. so the police continued to knock for 30 minutes before leaving. Next day as I left fro nursery with my 3yr old and my 6 mnth old. (O.t.r) came over and said " If you or that fella of your ever talk to the police about me again Im gonna f*kng kill ya" I told him I didnt say anything. but he said " I have kids too but If you tell them anything . ill do you in. tell your friends that too"...

Well I have been terrified ever since. I wont draw the curtains and wont let the kids out on the front.

Yesturday. O.T.R's friend move in next door. Now I dont wanna let the kids out the back either.. They.. we cant live like this...

Am I being Unreasonable? Or am I just going crazy?

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 01/06/2012 22:29

Blimey! I'm not sure what you should do, YNBU to wonder about whether to let your DC go out back though they sound bloody awful.

Going to the police would make you feel even more vulnerable, but if you don't who else is going to help you?

They shouldn't be going round talking to people like that.

Any chance of moving?

GrahamTribe · 01/06/2012 22:33

Your not unreasonable, I wouldn't want to either, but you do need to report the threats to the police. You can't live like this honey, you just can't hide yourself and your children away.

If the neighbour is in social housing you can report to his housing manager too and also you should take advice from your council's Anti-Social Behaviour officer. I bet a pound to a penny the guy's known to them and your report will help them build a case against them.

Do you have a partner who can support you in this? Other neighbours who will back you up and report too?

Original poster

themaltbycrew · 01/06/2012 22:37

The over the road neighbour hastnt been here long. So I dont think many of the neighbours are aware of him and his history. i only know it cos I work in the local social feild. (although he doesnt know that).
I hadnt thought of moving as my sister lives at the other end of this very long road and its nice having family close.. but im considering it now.. I cant let my kids grow up round this.

OP posts:

GrahamTribe · 01/06/2012 22:45

If you are aware of the guy because of your profession then others in similar positions will be too. Would you be able to, um, "call in some favours" and use your contacts to get any more info that you can use against him?

AgentZigzag · 01/06/2012 22:49

He doesn't sound like someone the OP would want to be playing games with though Graham.

It's not fair that you have to be the one who moves OP, but the alternative of living near him makes the hassle of moving the least of your worries.

Olympia2012 · 01/06/2012 23:04

Where on earth do you live?

AgentZigzag · 01/06/2012 23:06

Does that matter Olympia?

Could be any town or city, or village for that matter.

Noqontrol · 01/06/2012 23:13

Oh god, I had neighbours like this once as well. It was horrible. We took the option of moving as soon as our contract was up as we were renting. How horrible for you.

PissyDust · 01/06/2012 23:17

Can you not just ignore them all?

I have the feeling that you are over thinking the situation.

Olympia2012 · 01/06/2012 23:18

Have my reasons agent!!

AgentZigzag · 01/06/2012 23:19

Overthinking someone threatening her and her children Pissy?

Is that possible?

It's not something I would be able to ignore and get on with my life living next to the person who'd said it.

AgentZigzag · 01/06/2012 23:20

Oh, hehe Olympia, fair enough

Cuddler · 01/06/2012 23:20

if i were you i would move and report him too,he has actually threatened you,but by the sounds of it,if your still there while the police question him about threatening you then he might not think twice about coming over and starting something with you.

Original poster

themaltbycrew · 01/06/2012 23:24

I am constantly looking for another house in the same area so the kids dont have to leave friends

OP posts:

LucieMay · 02/06/2012 00:27

Phone the police.

Birdsgottafly · 02/06/2012 00:50

It doesn't sound as though he may be around for long, if the police are knocking at his door.

I live in what sounds, a similar area and bad neighbours come and go, i keep myself to myself.

I would show that you want nothing to do with him or knowing his business by ignoring him and his friend. Don't get into any gossip.

If your area is as rough as mine, if you phone the police you won't have any windows and wll be moved out of your house.

If you don't live in this sort of area you can be naive as to how bad it is.

You are overthinking it though, his type love to mouth off, just go about your business keeping out of anything that is going on between the neighbours.

It will pass and he will soon have enough trouble at his door for what he said to you to be forgotten.

Noqontrol · 02/06/2012 01:01

Got to agree with birds, if you haven't lived in that kinda place it's hard to really get it. Agree with keeping your head down, but don't necessarily think you are over thinking it, trust your instinct on that one.

Cuddler · 02/06/2012 13:53

I was bought up in that kind of area,i havnt lived in that kind of area since i left as soon as possible when i was 16!If you have a choice (i know some people dont)then you should move somewhere nicer.And before someone says "well it can happen anywhere" well it cant,it happens in rough places where there are (mostly)rough people.

Original poster

themaltbycrew · 02/06/2012 15:20

I have told the police and they said as it was a one off and this man ist threatening me daily I should just get on with it. It was an 'isolated incident'.
i dont care how Isolated it was I dont want my children growing up around that kind of person. We are looking to get a move asap.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 02/06/2012 20:41

The way you've written it doesn't make them sound very sympathetic, did they encourage you to write down what he says in the future (if he says anything) and go back to them with it?

I suppose at the very least you've logged something's going on with the bloke which might lend some weight to what you're saying if you do have to go back.

Our neighbours one side aren't talking to us for some reason we haven't worked out yet, but I'd much rather have silence from them than living next to an aggressive gobshite, y'poor things.

Original poster

themaltbycrew · 02/06/2012 22:25

No the police were useless. they wated me to be terrorised more before they did anything.. Im not worried for me.. im a grown up, but my kids are 7, 5 and 1!! I cant let them grow up round this... I just cant.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 03/06/2012 13:44

The police or even the HA need at least a serious action, smashed windows or ongoing threats to take action, in some areas.

In some areas, certain behaviour is considered 'par for the course' and is ignored by services, the police included.

I would say that you are putting to much creadence into what he said, the likes of him like to bandy threats about. All he wants is for everyone to ignore whatever he is upto and not to report him, do that and he won't cause you any trouble.

Just live your life normally, but don't let it look like you are getting involved in gossip, especialy if your 'nice' neighbour is the type to give information/talk to the police.

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