DS 5th birthday party - to invite or not to invite.......

[vole3]

The 10 year old daughter of the female friend who knew about his affair, said nothing and has 'supported' him in breaking up his marriage and family that soon-to-be XH has been 'house sharing' with since last July.

DS really wants her there, but I am more than happy never to set eyes on her or her mother ever again.

Do I not invite her and upset him (and keep my sanity) or invite her and have to tolerate the presence of someone I cannot stand want to bitch slap on our special day.

Ah, right, not an at-home party. Hmm, that does make it trickier. So really the problem is that your son wants her there. But he's 5, so why not just tell him that she can't come?

I might have missed it vole, but did you say whether the last sentence in your OP was about the girl or not?

She's 10 OP.

She's not an older woman she's a CHILD.

Stop projecting your issues onto this kid.

Slap the mother, not the child.

DB I was trying to project a little 'humour' into the situation of DS growing up, losing friends and having to deal with it. Sorry if my humour is a little offbeat these days, but I have damn all other than DS to smile about.

How long ago did you find out about your XH vole?

The affair 16 months, the moving out for some space 11 months, the not coming back 9 months, the getting divorced 7 months.
She knew that he was playing away 2 years before I did as she worked with them both and noticed that he wasn't working shifts when he'd told me he was........

And this will be DS first birthday since the split as XH walked out 3 weeks after his 4th birthday.

I wouldn't invite a 10yo girl to a 5yo boys party, whatever the history. Having had experience where there are older children they tend to be bored and then play up, even some of the nicest children can do this.

I'd just tell him it's for classmates only.

Huge betrayals all round then

It must be like everything you thought you knew about 'stuff' has been turned on its head.

Have you got people around you who prove not everyone shits on you and grinds you into the dirt?

I hope you have.

I would get her helping- lots of jobs.

I am lucky that I have such a happy boy who wants to be friends with everyone and is kind, loving and giving (in addition to be a cheeky little sod!). Not quite sure how I'm going to explain to him that 90 year old Dick who lives next door isn't really up for a sleepover!

yanbu, just say no. It won't kill him.