To ask how you deal with office politics?

[toptramp]

Probably should have posted in work but figured I'd get more answers here.

Especially if you are on the bottom rung and feel trapped there. I can't be too specific here but how do you rise above all the bitching, back stabbing and general arse licking?

Ignore the bitching; never join in, always be non committal when encouraged to do so.

Unfortunately back stabbing and arse licking are par for the course, I just ignore it and am professional at all times. well I try

Hear all gossip and store away carefully, but never repeat it. The more amazing the gossip, then generally the more damaging-never hurt people for a few minutes excitement/popularity. If a response is required, say something cheerful and self-deprecating.

Try to be straight with people, but not to the point of going out on a limb unless you absolutely have to.

Beware of pre-meeting meetings in which people try and get you to either agree to something stupid that's bound to be unpopular or be an advocate for their controversial agenda (bitter experience).

Ignore arse-licking.

In the face of politics and back-stabbing, don't be afraid to just ask simple questions (to show up whoever's doing it without appearing to want to).

Give everyone a very stupid nickname in your head. Yes it is childish, but it will cheer you up, and when you offload to your mates outside work you will have maintained confidentiality and made the whole thing seem funnier.

I would second Cock () - just don't get involved with office politics!

Just do your job to the absolute professional best of your abilities and ignore, ignore, ignore everything else.

I have seen it where I work - somebody responds to a crass comment and puts their two penn'orth in; it escalates and all hell breaks loose.

I also have colleagues who bring their bad moods to work with them, as if they are trying to drag everyone else down to their level of gloom. I treat them as nothing is wrong - friendly, warm and cheery as always (unless they have a genuine problem, of course!). I just can't be doing with it.

If gossip starts, fake a phone call or a trip to the loo - anything. Life's too short to get involved in this sort of petty behaviour.

I hope things look up for you, top.

thats all you can do, ignore it. Don't join in, don't get involved. It's a total PITA and wastes so much energy. Management plays a bit part too. A badly managed work place can be a real breeding ground for back stabbing and general vileness

Don't join in but keep a mental note of everything because you never know when it will prove useful. Be straightforward and honest (within reason) because that may also prove useful.

You have to be a bit careful though about trying to keep tabs on any given situation. My DH had a terrible time with general vileness at work and nearly drove himself mad trying to second guess what eveyone was going to do. Like a massive game of chess it was, and trying to assimilate that volume of information can be very mentally challenging. He thought if he knew about everything he could somehow control it. I take the opposite view and ignore on the basis that what will be will be

By putting up with it for years, then leaving to retrain as a teacher!

I will give a specific example. I was waiting for my internal interview with the other external intervewies when a women who is above me came in and asked me if I had read her e-mail because I wasn't doing x, y and z right. She isn't even my boss. She has been hen pecking me for a while; I suspect because she feels threatened and wants to be head of department. It also makes her feel more powerful if she can put me down. To do this i front of the other external interviewees was a deliberate attempt to undermoine me and make me look small imo. Why couldn't she have waited til a) I had read the e-mail and b til I was on my own.
What can I do in a situation like this. I didn't get a job despite me being a very strong candidate in my managers words. I avoided the office for a few days as I didn't want to be on the recieving end of more bicthing.
Shall I confront the women who put me down in front of the others and if so, how?

Funnily enough Republica I am in teaching and have a pgce but I don't even seem to be able to break into that and get my nqt year done. :-(

TopTramp I've been on supply for four years.

I wouldn't go back to office work, though, and the cunts idiots I used to work with.

Set up your own business. I do my gossiping on MN instead.

That apart, there is some good advice here. I miss the camaraderie of an office, but I don't miss the politics.

I worked in an office for 6.5 years and my rule was to never get involved. I only had one close friend at work and that was how it suited me. It certainly saved a lot of bitchiness and headaches!!

I have found that there isn't a huge amount you can do when people are out to undermine you especially if management are weak. Try to rise above it, and perhaps look for other schools? Not all are the same. If you would feel better then do confront her, depends how confrontation makes you feel

I've had good results with confronting toptramp. I did it in a similar situation. I asked for the person who had done it if they could spare a moment to talk to me, booked a meeting room and said 'when you did x, I was concerned that it could affect y. Since we've always had a good working relationship (LIE) and I respect you professionally (LIE), I want to clear the air, and make sure that we communicate better in future.' I kept my poise, was super-friendly but professional, but at the same time totally called him on his behaviour. He didn't do it again, because he found my directness uncomfortable and my niceness difficult to object to.

To respond to OP the best way to deal with office politics is not to play them. Don't bitch, don't backstab. Do your job. When someone backstabs you talk to them directly and discreetly about it, staying nice and non-accusatory. Don't have work as your main social outlet - have friends outside of work, and keep your work relationships cordial but professional. You're bound to make some friends at work, but don't mistake being colleagues for being friends.

Good luck out there in the jungle

Keep your personal life separate from work. By that I mean so no one knows about your DCs or DH or anything else about you outside of work. I have found that if the office bitches know nothing about you then you get dragged into office politics less if that makes sense

My approach is to hear everything but say nothing, IYSWIM. Life is too short to engage, but it does sometimes help to know what is going on.

Hi there. Thanks for the good advice. I do talk about my dd at work as an attempt to bond with the other mums. It does give us a shared sense that we are not alone in the juggling act. I think some are a bit phased by the fact that i am a single parent but I do not bang on about it at all ; I just mentioned in passing. They all moan about their dh.
Some are quite open about the fact that they hate kids which is odd given the profession they work in.
I am just going to give up the attempt to be friends and I am going to start just being polite and cordial but that's it.

I am eternally pleasant at work. Those who actually know me, know me as someone who will do anything for anyone but not to be crossed. If people try to undermine me, I act oblivious and thank them for their input. I store the memory away. It comes in handy. You need to know who to trust at work (almost no one) and who is working against you (almost everyone). But remain polite and courteous.
An example is that I have some work that another dept are involved in. We had many meetings about how it would work. One girl (same level) see.ed really good and nice and supportive of my role. In the meeting she tried to make out that the reasons it wasn't quite working was my fault. I was expecting it and wasn't prepared. Instead of starting arguing I thanked her for the feedback and suggested ways to fix the problem. The next week U had every bit of evidence to prove it was that dept lack of interest that caused the failing. This girl started again to blame me. I smiled nicely and every example she gave I presented the evidence of each situation that showed it was intact her department, that I had done as she had asked the previous week And the same problems were arising. My boss was very impressed. I hadn't moaned about her, I hadn't had a go at her for blaming me. I actually kicked myself for not being prepared for the first meeting. I had kept clam and made sure I had back up. I got a promotion 6 weeks later while she still sits and moans about how I stitched her up.
Imo don't give a shit about others. Only worry about your own job and make sure you are prepared. Always be nice, but sometimes you have to take a stand. In you situation I would have said 'thanks for your help, I haven't read it yet. I will take some time to read and let you know. Its so nice you care so much to help me. While we are discussing it, I have a few things I think you may need to tweak and improve. I will include them in my reply. Its so nice we can help eachother.' :)

I wasn't expecting it. Sorry.

Toptemp you sound great and an asset to your workplace :)
Right, what I would've done re that woman confronting you in front of external people (v. unprofessional BTW) was smiled, and said firmly (and assertively) that you were waiting to be interviewed and did not wish to discuss the email right now, as you hadn't read it. I mean, if she got narky - she's not your boss, and with people like her it is better to be respected than liked. (She sounds like a b!tch BTW). Practice some assertive sayings in front of the mirror for situations like this.

One tip I read ages ago, and it has helped me in bitchy workplaces - if someone comes up and starts whinging about a fellow workmate, just say 'I haven't noticed, sorry, I'm too busy concentrating on my own work.'
Also - google 'cube frau office humour' (Some dodgy stuff can come up, so maybe not a good idea if you're easily offended !)
Good luck, keep us updated !

Since I adopted my 'monkey mantra' of hear no gossip, see no gossip, speak no gossip, ignore all gossip, rise above all gossip (etc etc) life has been much easier. For me it wasn't in the office but amongst mummy friendship groups (so glad I'm working again now!) but I think the same rule can apply.

You do need to develop a polite calm manner, one that clearly shows others that you are not playing their game. Sometimes a little passive aggression can work wonders too. When a colleague is being rude, calmy and sweetly say as Kiwi says, or even "look, you're obviously rather annoyed about this, leave it with me and I'll look into it, come back in ten minutes when you've calmed down and we'll discuss it further".

It doesn't matter who it is who's making your life a misery, there are tactics you can develop to make yourself less of an easy target. (Not that this is your fault at all). You may still feel upset on the inside, but you have to work on looking confident externally, you know how there's always one person in an office who seems to generate respect, who the office knobber never picks on? Watch them, see how they behave.

Its a bit of a game, a dance, all is not lost. Friendships are great in the work place but they're not essential. Good luck.