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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do I tell my mum I don't like her presents??

27 replies

DontWannaBeAMug · 31/05/2012 20:14

My mum seems unaware that my tastes have somewhat changed since I was 15 and she still thinks I'm heavily into goth stuff. I do still like my rock music and old, eerie places but that's it. However everytime we go out she'll point at a horrible gothy t-shirt with skulls and snakes etc and say "ooo look, this is SO you, I'm suprised you're not buying it!!" and I'm stood there in my red skinny jeans, sensible sandals, flowery top and 'trendy' jacket. How does she not notice I changed??

Anyway the main issue is that she keeps buying me gothic ornaments for the house. I HATE them. At christmas she bought me a vampire/angel of death type ornament (the type that would decorate comic book store guy's house) and a skull with a knife through it for the bathroom!! Both are hidden out of site and only brought onto display when she visits. I recently did an exam and she was so proud of the results that she said she would buy me something - and asked what I wanted. Well, I of course insisted she need not buy anything but if she had to, I could do with x, y or z. Next day she calls and says she found the perfect gift for me and I'd love it. I knew what was coming - a few days later it arrived. A dark angel mourning at a graveside - the kind of thing that would actually BE ON A GRAVE - ornament. Jesus holy christ where the fuck was I going to put THAT.

Its in the wardrobe and will next see daylight when mother comes to visit. I feel awful doing this but apart from 14 year old boys - who really has this stuff as decoration???

My house is all flowery and bright - why would she think I'd display this stuff? how can I tell her without offending her or seeming really ungrateful?

She said to me today on the phone "oo I've found something amazing for you for Christmas!" I just know it's going to be something linked to death or destruction in some way. I've TRIED hinting, she doesn't get it.

Do I bother saying anything or just continue to hide all these objects??

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 31/05/2012 20:15

I am getting deja vu. You have posted the exact same thing before, havent you?

Nagoo · 31/05/2012 20:17

if you keep putting them on display, then obviously she will think you like them.

Give them all the the charity shop and tell her that you are over that phase when she visits.

picnicbasketcase · 31/05/2012 20:17

Don't hint then. Just say 'I really appreciate you buying me things, it's very kind of you, but I'm just not into goth stuff anymore.'

OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree · 31/05/2012 20:17

I've read this op before Hmm

DontWannaBeAMug · 31/05/2012 20:18

I have posted it before yes but it's still going on and seems to be getting worse. Do I just bite the bullet and tell her? she's the kind of person that LOOKS for stuff to be offended by so it WILL cause aggro.

OP posts:
MrsSnaplegs · 31/05/2012 20:19

Me too OWOGrin
OP have you posted about this before?

DamnBamboo · 31/05/2012 20:20

Oh god.
Poor you, your poor mum.

Just say thanks, it's very kind of you but actually I've grown out of the goth thing and if you are ever kind enough to buy me something again, can I help choose.

squeakytoy · 31/05/2012 20:21

what did we all advise last time?

ZZZenAgain · 31/05/2012 20:22

when she says next "this is really you, I'm surprised you are not buying it" or something similar, that is the time to say, "I have gone off all that goth stuff now actually. It is funny how you change, isn't it? What I love these days is flowery stuff. Have you noticed how often I wear flowery patterns lately? That is what I really like" (or whatever it is that you do actually like)

she wants to please you, she just hasn't clicked.

MrsSnaplegs · 31/05/2012 20:22

Sorry cross post
I have a 'D'M who buys completely inappropriate gifts but now it's not just for me but for my children as well
I have learnt to smile sweetly and put it away, don't display stuff and she may get the hint - mine hasn't but has finally stopped sending crap to the children when I told her outright to stop, I even got my DB to tell her as well.
Do you have a sibling or Dad who could reaffirm what you say?

OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree · 31/05/2012 20:24

Tell her the truth Smile

MrsSnaplegs · 31/05/2012 20:29

Oh and it's amazing the crap people will buy on EBay Wink

skybluepearl · 31/05/2012 20:33

you've posted before haven't you.

I think you should just tell her straight - or text her straight if thats more direct and to the point. Do it now and report back.

'about Xmas, please can you not give me any black goth gifts as it was really just something I liked as a teenager and I have a totally different style now I'm an adult. I'll forward you some gift ideas if you like. Thanks Mum xx'

MsKittyFane · 31/05/2012 20:35

I too have read this exact thread before I'm sure!

skybluepearl · 31/05/2012 20:36

everytime she says 'oo this goth top is just you' be honest and factual. 'I would have liked it as a teenager but it's really not my style at all now. I like this top here instead. Look it's a lovely bright blue and has funky stripes. Just perfect'

Keep showing her what you do like. Take every opportunity to point out what you like.

MsKittyFane · 31/05/2012 20:37

Just seen OP's post!
OP. Just tell her.

RecursiveMoon · 31/05/2012 20:39

I've read this before too!

I was going to say the 'O'P but I won't.

RecursiveMoon · 31/05/2012 20:41

Oh God, my brain is slowly but surely being filled with 5,716,007 MN threads...

perplexedpirate · 31/05/2012 20:52

Send them to meeeee!

I don't think I'll ever grow out of goth stuff (though I am FAR too old Grin)

carben · 31/05/2012 20:53

Thought I had gone back in time for a bit. Isn't it amazing what you remember despite reading mountains of crap.

bogeyface · 31/05/2012 20:56

You could try being faux embarrassed.

Telling her that you are feeling quite silly because you have realised that you should have grown out of all this stuff years ago, but that it has finally happened and isnt X ornament really nice? Or that you hadnt realised just how nice X shops stuff is. Really rave about your favourite shop and how silly you feel for being gothy all these years. Make sure you thank her for putting up with your daft taste (!) and that you will definitely save all her gifts.

fairyfriend · 31/05/2012 21:10

Why have you posted the same thing, word for word?

GeraldineAubergine · 31/05/2012 21:14

Tell her that your tastes have now changed and you are into extreme sex and want your furnishings to reflect your hobbies. Tell her the only decorations you want are ornamental dildoes, gimp masks and fetish suits and nothing else will do. I bet she doesn't get you any more gifts.

letseatgrandma · 31/05/2012 21:16

I've read this before, too. I'm sure this was quite a long thread before; what advice were you given before, OP and did you take it?

If you don't tell her you don't like this stuff and you have the presents she's bought you all over your house whenever she comes round, why would she have any idea you don't like them!?

Merrin · 31/05/2012 21:21

Majorly goth up and see if she notices the difference. If she doesnt take her to Specsavers :o